Dinara was hyperventilating when I pushed her down into the passenger seat and squatted before her. I touched her thighs. “Hey. Look at me. I’m here. I can protect you.”
“I know,” she said between gasps and slowly her breathing calmed and her eyes really focused on my face. “But I need to protect myself. Instead I lose it as if I were still the little girl from back then. I should be strong but I’m not.” The despair in her voice and eyes cut me deeply.
“You are,” I said firmly. “But you have to give yourself time. You went from thinking your mother was dead to seeing her in flesh and blood. You need time to work things out.”
“Take me back to camp,” Dinara whispered. “I need to get out of Vegas. I need—” She shook her head. “Just take me away.”
I leaned in and kissed her before I closed the door and got in behind the steering wheel. For the first time since I’d known Dinara she looked like the frightened child she didn’t want to be perceived as. I could see her struggle to be strong, but the girl from the videos, a shadow from the past, lingered in her eyes.
Dinara was awfully quiet on our drive back to camp. I couldn’t forget the haunted look in her eyes when she’d seen her mother. By now, her expression was controlled and her eyes closed off. This was almost worse than before because I didn’t know what was really going on inside of her.
After I parked the car at the edge of camp, neither of us moved. “You’re not thinking about running back to Chicago for good, are you?”
I realized how much the idea of losing her upset me. I couldn’t let her go.
Dinara didn’t look at me, her gaze directed ahead. “No, I’m not. I won’t find what I need there.”
Dima stalked in our direction, as if he was on his way to execute me. My hunger for blood still called loudly to me, so part of me wanted him to try.
“Great,” I growled.
“Let me handle him. Stay back please.”
Dinara got out and I followed quickly despite her words. Even if I let her deal with him, I’d have her back.
Dima said something in Russian but Dinara ignored him. She walked past him without a word and headed toward her car. That was her way of handling him? I was about to follow her, not wanting her to be alone in the state she was in but Dima barred my way. “Where the fuck did you take her?”
“That’s none of your business.”
He grabbed my shoulder and I shoved him away, narrowing my eyes. He was starting to seriously piss me off with his disrespect. If it weren’t for Dinara, I might have given him a taste of my knife. Maybe that would have stilled the call for blood in my veins.
I had to get a fucking grip.
“You took her to Vegas, didn’t you? I told my Pakhan. He’s pissed at your brother.”
“I’m sure my brother will be heartbroken to hear it,” I said sarcastically.
Dima glowered and leaned closer. “The last time she looked this freaked out, she had a relapse and almost died. If something happens to her, I’ll kill you.”
I got into his face. “She’s mine, and I’ll make sure she’s safe, so fuck off.”
“You really think she can ever be yours?” Dima gave me a hard look before he headed after Dinara. I hated that he knew more about Dinara’s past than I did. I needed to find out more about her drug history. From my own experience, I knew the call for drugs was still loud in certain moments, and Dinara was pretty shaken right now.
I followed Dima with my eyes and stifled a sigh of relief when Dinara didn’t open the car where she had retreated into. Dima stormed off toward his own car, probably to contact Grigory again. Maybe I should ask Remo to send more guards for the races in case the Bratva decided to attack. Before I could decide to approach Dinara, her car drove off.
“Fuck,” I muttered. It cost me a lot of restraint not to follow her. She would be pissed if I acted like a stalker. I had to trust that she just needed some time to herself. There weren’t any places in our immediate surroundings where she could buy drugs, so she’d have to settle for cheap liquor if she wanted to blank out what happened.
She returned an hour later, and not a moment too soon, because I’d been close to going on a search. I went over to her right away. She leaned against her car but she avoided my eyes and focused on her lighter as she lit the tip of her cigarette. I didn’t smell alcohol or marihuana on her.
“I need to be alone right now, Adamo. I know you want to talk but the voices in my head are enough to deal with right now. Just give me time.” For a moment, her eyes met mine, asking me to respect her wish.
I nodded reluctantly. “Okay, you know where to find me. Don’t do anything stupid without me.”
The flicker of a smile crossed her face. “Don’t worry.”
After a quick kiss, I turned and left her alone, even if it was the last thing I wanted to do. Our next race was scheduled in three days so it wasn’t as if I didn’t have enough to do. My car needed another check-up and Crank and I needed to go over the statistics of the races.
That night was the first time that Dinara and I didn’t see each other since we’d started having sex. It was strange lying in my tent, knowing she was only across camp from me and wondering what she was doing, how she was feeling.
Four days later was a big party because we’d reached the halfway point of our season. After the events of the last couple of days, I wasn’t sure if I was in the mood to dance, getting drunk was another matter. That seemed like an enticing option at this point.
I didn’t see Dinara in the morning and resisted the urge to seek her out despite the growing desire to do so.
Instead I helped Crank and a few other guys to set up a large firepit in the center for tonight, and bought meat for barbecuing for the entire crowd. The Camorra always sponsored the big celebrations to keep the racers entertained. We earned a lot of money with them after all. When Crank and I unloaded my trunk, I spotted Dinara for the first time that day. She sat on her hood with her arms propped up behind her and her eyes closed. Dima stood beside her and was talking to her, but she didn’t give any indication that she was listening to him. She seemed miles away. I could only imagine where her mind was taking her.
Eventually Dima stalked off. I jogged after him and reached him before he could get into his car. “How’s she?”
Dima scoffed. “You ask me? I don’t even know what the fuck happened these last few days. You took her away and now she’s messed up. Did you let her see her mother?”
“Dinara has a right to discover every aspect of her past, even if you and Grigory don’t like it.”
Dima leaned in, his eyes flashing in warning. “You should be careful, Falcone. Your brothers aren’t here to protect you and when it comes to Dinara, Grigory won’t care about consequences. He’ll rip your heart out and feed it to the dogs if something happens to her.”
I smiled darkly. “He can try.” I turned, presenting my back to Dima. Did he really think he could scare me? I’d lost count of the number of enemies who wanted to see me and my brothers dead. Grigory would just have to wait at the end of the queue for his fucking turn.
Across camp, Dinara caught my gaze. She must have watched my confrontation with Dima. She didn’t look away and so I approached her, taking it as an invitation. She put on her sunglasses casually, but this was a bigger admittance of her emotional turmoil than she probably realized. Instead of asking what I really wanted to know, how she was coping with everything, I said, “Are you going to join the party tonight? It’s going to be a blast.”