As I looked around the room at the bland faces, it occurred to me that I’d started my professional life with most of these people, some of whom had become friends. Normally we’d grab lunch together to catch up on life or discuss work stuff, but today things seemed different, like I was viewing everything from a different angle. Okay, duh, I was standing at the front of the room, so of course my view was different, literally. But that wasn’t it, of course. Everything seemed more sharply in focus, and it made me realize right then that I wanted more.
More in life. At work. In my relationships. And I didn’t mean this thing I had going with Skylar, because that wasn’t a relationship. Nope. That was me going with the flow for a change and enjoying myself. Though since he’d moved out, I’d only seen him once for a quick dinner, and yeah, it’d been nice to catch up, but I was hoping for extra helpings of that enjoyment part, if you know what I mean.
Anyway, back to the more part. If my parents had taught me anything over the years, it was to have a plan. I needed to think bigger and better, so maybe I’d get one of those vision boards and hang it in my office so I could manifest my destiny or whatever it was called.
When one of the agents coughed, it brought me out of my head, and oh, hello, I was supposed to be leading a meeting, not staring absently at a flowchart. Suddenly I remembered stuff I always wished my parents would address in these meetings to help with team building or idea sharing.
I certainly was no expert, so I went with what made sense to me. I clicked off the big screen, closed the laptop, then slid into the empty chair at the head of the table. “How about we go around the room and share which sales strategies worked for us this week and which didn’t. Any volunteers? Or I can go first if—oh cool. Shelby, what have you got?”
And lo and behold, that seemed to spark a discussion everyone got involved in, even the agents who were usually quieter in groups. By the end of the hour, I was pretty proud of myself for coming up with my own spin, and as the room cleared, I spotted Dad near the door, smiling. How long had he been standing there?
“Looks like it went well,” he said as I gathered my things.
“Yeah, sure.” I motioned to the laptop. “I used your PowerPoint stuff.”
He winked. “That’s not all you used.”
I shrugged but felt a bit of pride too that Dad noticed I’d tried to use my own flair. Every now and again it sneaked out, I guessed.
“Were you serious about wanting to be involved in getting the other location up and running?” Dad asked as I cut the lights, and the question stopped me in my tracks.
“Yeah, I think so.” I looked across the way to where Mom was standing near the elevators with two of the new title agents. “Not sure Mom would agree with the idea, though.”
“Your mom definitely has a strong personality,” he said with an amused expression. They were still in love after all these years, which should’ve made me feel all warm and happy, and of course it did. The alternative would’ve been shitty. But Dad deferred to Mom way too often for my taste, and I supposed it was the same for me. He added, “So show her what you’re made of. Go after what you want. She always did.”
He walked away, and I thought about the similarities between Dad and me. Normally going with the flow, not letting much ruffle our feathers—which was sometimes to our detriment where Mom was concerned. We parted ways on the neatness factor, though. Things got a bit haphazard when Dad tried to cook—just like with Skylar—and Mom was always tidying up behind him. It was probably one of the reasons my parents were still together. They had enough nuances between them to keep each other on their toes.
Come to think of it, maybe all my boyfriends had been such letdowns because they were too much like me. Or maybe now that Skylar had come back into my life, everyone seemed duller in comparison.
“You okay, honey?” Mom asked, snapping me out of my thoughts.
“Sure, why?” I looked around the office, making sure I wasn’t making a spectacle of myself or anything.
“You were staring off into space.”
“Oh, just thinking.”
“Anything I can help with?”
“Depends. Is it your meddling kind of help or something else?” I teased.
She let out an exasperated breath. “Is this still about your friend? I thought Skylar finally moved out.”
“He did,” I replied, and just narrowly escaped rolling my eyes. I was so not in the mood for an argument with my mother. “And no, it’s not about him.”
“Then what is it?”
“Nothing.” I was about to wave her off and head toward my office, but then rethought that decision. I was constantly excusing my feelings and ideas, and I didn’t want to do that anymore. “Actually, that’s not true.” Deep breath. “I’d like to help Mr. Whitney get the new offices up and running.”
Her eyebrows knitted together. “Is there a reason you have this sudden interest?”
“It’s not sudden, not really. I just never allowed myself…” I cleared my throat and squared my shoulders. “I think it’s time. To strike out on my own. I don’t know exactly what that means, but I’m ready for something new and different—or at least different surroundings. And if it’s not with this company, then maybe it’ll be another.”
She gasped as if I’d wounded her. Or betrayed her by considering other agencies.
I couldn’t help it—I rolled my eyes. “Mom, stop acting like it’s this big thing. Even though it is, to me.” I wanted it—needed it—I realized, not only to provide distance, but to prove to myself that I stood on my own merits. “So think about it and let me know.”
There. I said my piece. I strode toward my office, feeling pleased with myself that I’d held my composure under her scrutiny. Sure, she was thrown for a loop right now, so hey, guess I could keep people on their toes too. Plus, it bought me time to get my thoughts and ideas together to present to them about a different position in the company—or hell, I’d even take a change in scenery. And if they couldn’t accommodate my request, I’d developed enough of my own reputation and contacts that I was certain I could easily find another job. Maybe with our direct competition. A devious grin slid over my face. What in the hell had gotten into me lately?
I got lost in work, then glanced at the time, decided to wrap it up early, and went home.
I waved to Eddie as I came through the lobby toward the elevator. He seemed surprised to see me, likely because I’d been working later hours since Skylar had moved out. I used to enjoy coming home to my empty apartment after a busy day of meeting clients and showing properties, but now, walking through my door, the place felt emptier. It was silly, honestly. I just needed to get back into that frame of mind where being alone was a good thing. Still, it was about more than just being alone.
It was being without him.
Which was dangerous thinking.
Skylar and I texted every day, but he’d yet to use his key late at night, though every time I went to bed, I kept hoping it would happen. I even tried to wait up. Pathetic, I know. I could’ve just asked him, but I thought maybe he needed time to get used to being back in his apartment and to his routine. Or maybe I was afraid he’d changed his mind about this thing we had going on, now that we’d placed some distance between us.