After I changed, I met Gretchen in the hall for our trek to Zumba class. Once on the sidewalk, my cell vibrated in my pocket. I pulled it out to find a text from Skylar, and I felt my entire body relax. Outside of the buzzing in my stomach, of course.
How’s my bed doing?
I smiled as I quickly typed back: He’s cold and lonely.
I can understand why. I am pretty warm and very good company.
And messy. The sheets have never looked more put together.
How boring. Guess it’s time for them to get all twisted up again.
Maybe it is.
I wanted to ask if that meant I’d have a surprise visitor soon, but I didn’t want to appear too needy, even if I was exactly that. Freaking needy. Ugh, I was pitiful.
“Uh-oh, I recognize that smile,” Gretchen said, nudging my shoulder. “Only one person can cause that reaction in you.”
“Huh?” I played dumb as I slid my phone in my pocket.
“You know who I mean.” She rolled her eyes. “How are you doing without your BFF?”
“Okay.” I tried putting on a brave face, but I was hopeless. “Sort of lost, honestly.”
She threw her arm over my shoulder as we waited at the crosswalk. “Someone’s in love.”
My gut tightened. “Don’t say that. I can’t be.”
She snickered. “Why not?”
I frowned. “That would ruin everything.”
“You can’t know that. Maybe he’s struggling without you too.”
“Maybe.”
I didn’t want to tell her that I doubted it was the same sort of struggle, and that I definitely needed to protect my heart…or that I had a feeling it was already too late.
33
Skylar
There. Was. Something. Wrong. With. Me.
I blamed Clark.
It was absolutely his fault…or not. How could I blame him for being so irresistible? So cute and fun and sweet, and for making me mope around all day, every day since I moved out of his place? Considering I controlled my own actions, that meant I needed to own my shit, and it wasn’t Clark’s fault at all that I was crazy about him.
It was mine.
And I kinda didn’t want it to go away, which wasn’t my finest moment. I’d spent every day talking myself out of going to his place, using my key, and climbing into bed with him. I’d said it was the mattress, but it wasn’t the mattress at all. It was him. I’d gotten used to sleeping with him every night. Listening to the little noises he made and seeing how he always lined his glasses up perfectly on the nightstand. How he tried to sneak around the room quietly in the morning so he didn’t wake me, and how sometimes I’d pretend to be asleep and just sort of marvel at how freaking adorable and great he was.
The only highlight had been the interview I’d gotten at the theater, and it went great. The woman’s name was Star, which I thought was serendipitous. I mean, Star and Sky? How could destiny be more apt than that? I was still waiting to hear from her. She said they would be in touch, and I had a good feeling about it while also trying not to get my hopes up. Star loved the designs I’d shown her, and our personalities seemed to mesh really well. I would love to work with someone like her, and yep, this was me getting my hopes up, so I needed to chill that shit out now.
I’d just gotten out of the shower, so I dressed, put my makeup on for work—a shimmery-pink lip gloss and matching eye shadow—then packed up my clothes and headed to the Playground. I figured if I got into my routine a little more, then I’d become used to living on my own again and I wouldn’t be such a needy little twink who wanted to cuddle up in Clark’s bed every night.
The thump of the music made my heart vibrate as I approached security to get inside the bar.
The bouncer greeted me. “Hey, man. What’s up?”
“Not much.”
“I have a feeling it’s gonna be a crazy night.”
He was usually right about that stuff, and when I looked around, I saw the bar was packed. It was way too early for that, which meant he was right again. It would be a busy night.
Suddenly I felt weighed down, my stomach twisting uncomfortably. Hell, I didn’t feel like being here tonight. I’d always loved working at the Playground, loved dancing the night away and the pretty boys shoving money in my pants, but in that moment it felt…old, tiring. If I were honest, I’d admit this wasn’t the first time I felt this way.
No, no, no, no. I did not want to grow up, and I sure as shit hoped that wasn’t what this meant. I said goodbye to the bouncer and made my way into the bar, going directly to the back to get changed.
“Hey, you.” Jesse approached me. “We’re scheduled to dance together a few times tonight.”
“I’m sorry,” I replied. “I know how hard that must be for you. I always show you up when that happens.”
He rolled his eyes and flipped me off. “You wish. How’s your boyfriend?”
“Good, I guess. I’ve only seen him once since I moved out. We talk every day, though.”
Jesse stared at me, blinked a few times, kept staring, kept blinking, but didn’t speak.
“Um…is there something wrong?” I asked. Did I have something in my teeth? Suddenly start speaking another language? Why was he looking at me all confused?
“You don’t even realize what you just did, do you?” Jesse asked.
“Either answered your question, or sprouted another head. I’m gonna go with the first.”
“Oh, dear, sweet, totally fucked Skylar. You don’t even see, but I do. I’ve been where you are.”
Now I was getting frustrated. I crossed my arms. “Right now I’m feeling like you’re on another planet.”
“I asked you how your boyfriend was, and you answered the question. You didn’t say he wasn’t your boyfriend or make some smart-ass comment. Hell, you didn’t even notice I said it, because it’s true and normal and you have a motherfucking boyfriend.”
Oh. Shit.
He was right. Not that I had a boyfriend, but that I’d simply answered without realizing he’d used that word.
What he didn’t know was that I missed Clark. That if I was ever going to be anyone’s boyfriend, it would be his. That I was pretty sure I really, really wanted to be his boyfriend, but I was scared out of my fucking mind about it. Scared of getting hurt. Scared of hurting him. Scared of following the same path my mom did that ended in heartbreak after heartbreak, only I wouldn’t have anyone there to pick up the pieces for me.
Mom would try, but how would that work when you were both broken in the same way? When you both attracted a wild chaos that had no place in the life of someone like Clark?
“Hey, are you okay?” Jesse asked.
Shit. I hadn’t replied. “Yeah, I’m fine. I just…” I just what? Was losing my shit? Was scared? I didn’t even know how to say something like that out loud to him.
“Sky! Jesse! You’re up!” one of the dancers called to us as he walked by.
“Showtime,” I told Jesse, thankful for the reprieve.
He frowned but didn’t have much choice in going out with me. We went to one of the two-men risers and began dancing and grinding on each other the way we were supposed to do. We played up to the crowd, a flirty, fun competition between us until our set was almost over. Then Jesse made his way across the space on a few risers before jumping down and going to the bar. He grabbed Dane and pulled him into a scorching-hot kiss. Everyone cheered and hooted, a laugh falling from my lips as Jesse showed everyone that while he danced with me like that, he belonged to his boyfriend. Dane looked sheepish when Jesse pulled away, but patted his ass a few times, which made Jesse poke it out for him like he was begging for more.