Jade just stared at me, her eyes red-rimmed and unreadable.
I felt Keane’s gaze on me, too. But unlike all the other times he looked at me, this felt intrusive. I hadn’t wanted to be so vulnerable in front of him, when my feelings for him were so complex and confusing as it was.
“We can talk more about this tomorrow,” I said, turning to Jade. “It’s been a very long night.”
“Okay.” Jade left her coffee untouched on the table as she turned to Keane and whispered a barely audible Thank you. She went up the stairs, closed her door and I waited for the loud music I was accustomed to, but tonight it was silent.
I turned to Keane. I didn’t even know where to begin with him. “You brought my sister into town?”
“Just to the hardware store. And grocery store.”
“I have been taking her to a doctor’s office over an hour away, Keane. I took her out of Amber Lake for her safety.”
“I know, I guess I didn’t think about it.” He winced. “I know that’s not an excuse.”
I rubbed my arms, feeling cold. “I can’t believe she didn’t tell me.”
“Ah.” Keane swallowed. “That’s because I asked her not to.”
“You did?”
“Yeah.” He blew out a breath.
It started to click into place in my mind. “Her hair dye. You didn’t pick that out, she was with you when she bought it.” It was all sinking in, like lead in my belly. “She lied to me.”
“I told her to. To lie.”
“Why?” My throat was closing in all of a sudden. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think. I felt so betrayed, by the one person in the world who had never lied to me. “Why would you ask my sister to lie to me?”
“God, I feel like a fucking idiot right now.” He tugged on his hair in frustration. “Fuck!” he exclaimed. “It’s fucking stupid, Navy. I shouldn’t have told her to lie to you. That was wrong of me.”
“But… why?” I swallowed, but my throat was dry. I could drink all the coffee in the world, but it wouldn’t soothe the ache I felt acutely in my chest.
“Like I said, it’s stupid. Megan, she was working at the grocery store and she saw me and Violet together and she was…” He blew out a breath, his hair sticking up all over the place. “Anyway. I just didn’t want you to hear about my run-in with Megan and think I went there on purpose, to see her.”
The explanation was weak. “Why would I be worried about that?”
“Come on, Navy.”
“What?” I squeaked. My chest felt like someone had placed one hundred pounds on it.
“Anytime Megan has come up in conversation, you act upset, and weird about it. I can read your face really well, Navy. You don’t like me bringing her up.”
“So your solution was to lie to me? That’s bullshit, Keane. I’m a big girl, if you want to see your exes, it’s really not any of my business.”
“I don’t give a flying fuck about Megan, or any of my exes. Seriously? Are you fucking kidding me right now?” His voice was raised, so I raised my hand in an effort to quiet him.
“You lied to me, Keane. You got my sister to lie to me.” I closed my eyes, thinking back to the pinky promises we’d made to each other. “And then you lied to me again, today.”
“You were having a bad day, at the store. Jade called me when I went to get the coffee.”
“I figured as much.” My words sounded hollow, unfeeling. “But when you came back into the store, I thought you were upset because you were jealous of Roger. Because that’s what you said.” And I didn’t realize until this moment that even though I’d been upset, the fact that he’d been jealous of someone I only saw as a friend had strangely given me hope for us. Keane had never been jealous of the guys I dated. It was a distinct shift from Keane the friend to Keane the maybe something more. But knowing now that it was a lie bruised more than I cared to admit.
“Jade made me promise,” he started.
But I interrupted him before he could continue. “Since when do Jade’s promises mean more than the ones you made to me?”
He moved to the floor, so we were on an even eye level. “I never said they do.”
“We made pinky promises,” I said, feeling childish despite what they meant to me. “Best friends first. No hurting each other and no lies. But before the pinky promises, I thought that was understood between us. No lies.”
“I didn’t think it was a real lie,” Keane said. He reached for my hands to hold but I pulled them away and crossed my arms. Oh, it hurt to deprive him of my touch. But right now, I ached too much to let him hold me. His shoulders fell, deflated. “I thought I was doing you a favor. You were having a bad day.”
“I know you think your heart was in the right place,” I said evenly, carefully. “But that’s my sister. Who had gotten herself into big trouble. I feel like I had a right to know.”
“And my plan was to bring her home and have her explain herself to you.”
“But you took her for pizza?”
“To sober up.” Keane raked his hands through his hair. “I didn’t want to lie to you, but Jesus, Navy. I’ve never seen you more fucking sad than when I walked into the store.”
“I appreciate you helping with Violet,” I said. “I do, really. You didn’t have to open up your home to her. And I’ll pay you back for that. Somehow.”
“I don’t want you to.”
I ignored that. “But if my sisters are ever in trouble, you have to tell me first, Keane. You can’t spare me stress when it comes to them. What if she’d been arrested? What if this guy had hurt her, the way Violet had been hurt by her boyfriend?”
I saw the flash of anger in his eyes, but I remained unmoved. “Then I’d have done something about it,” he said, and I believed him.
“That’s not good enough. I’m sorry. I know you think you were protecting me, but that isn’t your job. I didn’t ask you to do that.”
He pulled his head back and his eyes narrowed. “Are you fucking kidding me, Navy?”
“You don’t get it. Not really, I mean. You have a mom who dotes on you and a brother you looked up to your whole life. I’m the big sister. I’m the one who takes care of my sisters. I appreciate—I do—you helping with dinner and things like that, but my sisters are my concern.” My chin wobbled. “And I don’t need you lying to protect my feelings or lying to cover for my sisters. I should trump them, in your mind. I mean, I know you thought you were sparing my feelings by making my sister lie to me about seeing one of your exes, but actually you’ve just hurt me more.”
“You want to talk about hurt? You’ve pushed me away for weeks. We needed to talk about things, and you’ve said no. Over and over again. We had sex, Navy. We have to talk about it.”
“Not tonight,” I said.
“When? You’ll just keep saying that. Not tonight.”
“What do you want me to do? Apologize for making the first move? For kissing you, for telling you to kiss me? I’m sorry. Okay? There, now we don’t have to talk about it.”