As I’m making my way into the kitchen to ransack the cupboards for snacks that might make her feel better, she asks, “Where were you?”
“At Sensay,” I tell her while pulling out three different kinds of Oreos, Doritos, an unnecessarily large bag of Sour Patch Kids, and a couple packs of Ho-Ho’s.
“Oh… Were you… with someone?” Her timid voice chirps at me, and I freeze in place, squinting at nothing. Because why is she allowed to ask me if I was with someone tonight if I can’t ask her anything about her nightmare of a marriage?
Not at all the same, Noah. Remain calm. You’re going to be here for your friend. That’s it.
“I was talking to a girl, yes…” I mutter, deciding that lying is the wrong way to go. I don’t lie to girls about other girls.
Because I’m single.
“But nothing happened!” I add at the last second, the words flying right out of my mouth.
Totally single…
“Oh. Alright…” she whispers. I have no clue what any of this means, so I just stay quiet. “I’m gonna head downstairs now.”
“Okay,” I breathe.
She stays on the phone as she leaves her apartment. She loses service in the elevator, but calls me right back before I can freak out to let me know she’s with Jimmy.
A wave of relief comes over me, and I finally let her go, because she’ll be here in a few minutes, and we’ll sort all of this out when she gets here…
Right?
God, who knows. Honestly, I’m so completely twisted up, I don’t have the slightest inkling as to what’s going on. All I know is that the second Alex was in trouble, I swooped into action, because she’s my friend and I care a great deal about her.
I also know that I seriously want to kiss her when she gets here, and that muddies things up just a tad.
What have I gotten myself into??
I pace around my apartment for another ten minutes or so before the door buzzes and I practically jump out of my skin.
I rush over to the intercom. “Alex?”
“It’s me,” her small voice squeaks through the speaker and I press the button fast to buzz her in, then rush to my door.
I open it as she’s making her way up the hall, and my heart has already smashed into my stomach. As she grows nearer, I can see what that monster has done to her, and it makes me feel things I’ve never felt in my entire life.
Scary things.
Things that terrify me, because if I were ever to happen upon her husband out in the world somewhere, I know I wouldn’t be able to control what I did to him. And that’s scarier than all the other feelings I have for Alex combined.
She stops in front of me and I gaze down at her; my beautiful broken girl.
Her face doesn’t look so bad. The bruise on her left cheek from the other day is basically gone, with just a yellowish dot in its wake. But now her bottom lip is busted open and swollen. And even worse are the obvious thumbprint bruises developing on her throat. They’re sort of dark and blotchy. They look painful.
It’s fucking insane. I’m standing here with little purple love bites on my neck and throat from Alex just two nights ago in the heat of our lust-filled grind-fest on the living room floor, and now she’s back with her own neck-bruises of a less playful variety.
I’m so angry I can barely see straight. And it’s mostly because I’m totally helpless. There’s nothing at all I can do to take this pain away from her. I can’t make her leave her husband. And despite what I keep scheming in my head, I can’t actually kill him.
I’m powerless here. My friend is hurting and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.
I snap out of it when I realize we’ve been standing in the doorway for a while, just staring at each other in silence. I swallow hard and step aside, but rather than walk into the apartment, her puffed up lower lip quivers, and she crashes into me.
I catch her, holding her against my body while she sobs and cries in my arms. My heart feels like someone tossed it into a shredder. The noises she’s making are so soft and sweet and vulnerable, sending shivers of remorse throughout me.
I step inside the foyer with Alex still clutching me for dear life, and shut the door to my apartment, setting the alarm. Then I just stand there, rocking her gently, giving her hair the occasional kiss.
“Shh… It’s okay, baby,” I whisper. “I have you. You’re safe now.”
“N-Noah, I’m s-so s-sorry to d-do this to y-you.” She’s shaking and trembling. I need to get her into the living room where it’s warm.
“Alex, what are you saying? You didn’t do anything to me,” I keep my tone easy, though I’m confused as to what she thinks she did to me. “You’re my friend, and I care about you so much. I will always be here when you need me, you know that.”
“You’re amazing…” she whimpers, tears soaking through my shirt. “How did I get s-so lucky as to meet y-you?”
My chest tightens and my stomach twists. I can’t believe she’s saying that about me… Wow.
“I think you’re amazing,” I croak, fighting not to give away how much of a sack she’s turning me into. She scoffs. “No, seriously. It’s true. Alex, you’re smart, and funny, and the coolest damn girl I’ve ever met who looks like you do.” She snorts a shaky laugh onto my chest, which allows me to crack a small smile.
“You’re talented, and you’re kind… And you’re strong, Alex. You are. Never doubt that. You’re going through something awful, and it’s not your fault whatsoever. But you still manage to be awesome at every turn, despite the shitty things that are happening to you.”
I pause and she makes this tiny noise that prompts me to kiss her head again.
“To me, that means you’re the most amazing person in the world.”
I expect her to turn and look up at me with those shimmery emerald eyes and give me a look, but instead she just squeezes her arms around me tighter and kisses my chest, right over my heart. Right where my tattoo is.
Seek.
My mom used to quote some Bible verse to me.
Seek and ye shall find.
I’m not religious, but I liked the sound of it. It seemed so easy. Look for something and you’ll find it. Nothing complex about that.
But as I grew up and learned things, while I was pursuing my dreams, I realized that it’s about having faith. Seek and ye shall find.
Believe and it will be yours.
Even if you weren’t sure it was something you wanted… Until you found it.
I swallow hard. My stomach is fluttering like crazy, and I’m becoming increasingly warm.
“Thank you, Noah,” Alex murmurs, her lips still moving on the word.
Seek.
“You’re one-of-a-kind, you know that?” She finally tilts her gaze up at me and I fall so deep into my own panicked mind, I’m not sure if any of this is really happening.
There she is.
“Are you sore anywhere else?” I ask her, because I have to say something fast, or I’ll do something I can’t do right now.
She looks momentarily baffled by my question, but eventually she shakes her head. “No.”
“Good,” I whisper then bend down fast and scoop her up into my arms, carrying her through the foyer, into the living room while she holds onto my neck.