“I’m not doing it just for you, Bells. I’m doing it for Grant.” Jules took a deep breath, trying to hold in the hurt she was feeling. But Bellamy was her best friend first and foremost, and she couldn’t stop the truth from blurting out. “I’m doing it for me, too, because I’m crazy about him, and I should have told you sooner, but I didn’t want to complicate things. Yesterday when I ran out, it wasn’t for a medical appointment, and I’m sorry for lying to you. It was because Grant said we couldn’t hang out together anymore, and I was devastated, and mad, and just…so hurt. And I might as well tell you that I kissed him.”
Bellamy’s eyes widened. “We can deal with you lying to me of all people later, but you kissed Grant?”
“I did. I kissed him, Bell, and he kissed me back, and oh my goodness, nothing could have prepared me for the way it felt. It was so much better than I ever dreamed it could be, and believe me, I’ve had lots of dreams about Grant. Months’ worth. Ever since he came back home, and not just hey-good-to-see-you dreams. I’m talking dirty, sexy dreams. Dreams that I blush just thinking about.” She pointed to her heated cheeks. “See? But when he kissed me in real life, my heart nearly exploded and I swear my legs turned to jelly. I have never felt anything like what I feel when I think about Grant, much less when I’m near him. I know it’s weird for you to hear this, but I have to tell you because I’ve been holding it in for so long, I feel like I’m going to burst.” Words spewed out like a rushing wave. “And I can’t explain why, but I think we’re supposed to be together, which is stupid considering he dumped me. Well, he didn’t dump me because we weren’t a couple, but he said that even though he wants to be with me, he can’t because he doesn’t know what his future holds. But he’s wrong. I don’t need to know what his future holds to know that I want to be with him. I want him in my life, and from what he told me, he wants me in his, too, and I think he needs me in his. I know that sounds conceited, but—”
“But nothing, Jules.” Bellamy’s eyes were dead serious.
Tears sprang to her eyes. “I’m sorry, Bellamy. Please don’t hate me. I’ll never lie to you again. I promise. But I can’t help that my stupid heart picked him.”
“Forget the lie. I understand why you hid your feelings from me, and I could never hate you. More importantly, your heart is not stupid. Grant is an amazing person even if he’s been grumpy lately, and you’re my best friend. Why wouldn’t I want you two together?”
Relief sent the air rushing from Jules’s lungs. She pressed her hand to her chest, trying to calm down. “I don’t know why anyone wouldn’t want us together, but Grant is choosing not to be with me, so what do I know?”
“I think you know a lot, and I think you might be right about you and him. Whatever you’ve been doing has made a difference. I told you he called me the other night, and he stood up for me at lunch today when I told my family I wanted to go on television, which they weren’t thrilled about, but that’s a whole other conversation.” Sadness rose in Bellamy’s eyes. “I wish you could have seen him when he told our parents he’d like their support about just wanting to go back even though it wasn’t an option. For the first time since he came home, I saw hope in his eyes, Jules. Hope. And then we went and ruined it for him, which means we totally suck as a family. But the hope was there, and now I know that’s because of you. I was afraid he’d never get that back.”
“But it sounds like now everyone is hurting,” Jules said defeatedly. “I can’t help Grant because he told me to stay away, and I don’t know how to help your family see how important their support is to him, or that he needs to be doing something he finds meaningful and fulfilling or he’ll never be happy.” She leaned against the counter, rubbing her chest where it ached, her eyes filling with tears. “And I have no idea how to let go of the only man I’ve ever wanted to be close to.”
“Oh, no.” Bellamy hugged her. “We’ll get through this, Jules. I promise we will. Do you want to talk about it some more?”
Jules shook her head. “I can’t, or I’ll cry, and I know that’s stupid because it’s not like we were a couple, but…”
“It’s not stupid. What a shit show this is. Why don’t I go down to Scoops and bring us back ice cream sundaes to drown our sorrows? I know I could sure use one.”
“Sounds good to me. Then we can try to figure out how to get your family to support what you want to do, too.”
“I’ll be fine. Grant thinks I should check with Leni to see if she has any other ideas about how to gain more exposure first, and I think that’s a good idea.”
“She’s coming for Thanksgiving and staying for the weekend.” Leni, Sutton, Levi, and Joey would all be home through Thanksgiving weekend to see the flotilla. “I was going to send a group text later about Daphne’s bridal shower to see if the weekend of the tree lighting works for everyone. Do you want me to mention it to Leni?”
“No. I’ll text her,” Bellamy said. “Otherwise everyone will chime in with their two cents, and that could be brutal. But how about if we focus on you when I get back? I’ve known you our whole lives, and I know you give pieces of yourself to help everyone else, but you’ve never given your heart to anyone. To hand it to my brother and have it given back has got to be devastating. If I had known that, I would have kicked his ass today.”
The tears Jules had been holding back all day welled in her eyes. She fanned her face. “Don’t make me cry. I have to work.”
“You also have to cry.” Bellamy locked the front door and hung up the BACK SOON sign.
Bellamy opened her arms, and as Jules walked into them, the dam broke, and tears spilled down her cheeks.
“I’m sorry,” Jules said. “It just hurts so bad.”
“I know. Well, I don’t know, but I can imagine.”
“I really thought we were heading toward something special,” Jules choked out against Bellamy’s shoulder.
“I think you’re right. You guys might seem different, but I don’t think you are. When Jock and Archer were fighting, you kept your brothers and sisters together with group texts and phone calls, and you made all those visits to Jock and tried talking with Archer all the time. Today Fitz told me that Grant was the one who was always there for us after our parents separated. I don’t remember any of it, but Fitz said I’d throw tantrums asking for my dad and sometimes my mom would be at her wit’s end, but that Grant always stayed with me and figured out ways to calm me down. And while he was away, before he got hurt, he always made sure we were okay by video calling when he could. He was doing the same thing you were, trying to keep our family together. At least until he wasn’t okay enough to do it. And look what we did back. We harped on him, and I hate that. I think you two are meant for each other, but I don’t know how to fix any of it.”
Jules drew back, wiping her eyes. “I’m not going to let him go, Belly.”
“I know.”
“You do?” Her voice cracked.
“You would never give up on someone you care about.”