His energy is so electric that the only thing I can see or smell or hear is him.
Not River.
Jon.
And in this moment, I’m not Reese anymore. I’m Kristine. Wounded. Broken. And terrified of losing the only person that matters to me yet too stubborn to admit it.
He grabs my chin, forcing me to look up at him as I forget about the damn sheet of paper in my hand and drop it to my side.
“I want a reason to stay, Kristine,” he growls, his breath fanning across my cheeks. “Did you ever think of that? I want a reason to put roots down.”
My lower lip quivers, but I stay silent.
“I want the white picket fence that you’re adamant I can’t give to you no matter how hard I’ve tried to prove you wrong.”
I squeeze my eyes shut and swallow back tears.
“I’m not perfect, babe,” he continues, his voice raw with emotion that washes over me like a damn hurricane. “You know that better than anyone. But instead of convincing yourself that I’m going to leave again, why the hell don’t you ask me to stay?”
Caught up in the moment, I grab his wrist that’s still holding me in place. My tears fall freely as I look up at him and hold his heated stare. Because I’ve been where Kristine is. I’ve felt like the backup plan before. I’ve felt like the girl who couldn’t ever be enough to hold a man’s interest. To be the most important thing in his life.
But she deserves her happiness.
She deserves the strength to ask for what she wants instead of hiding behind her fears.
The same way I deserve to get what I want. To grab onto what I deserve despite what others believe. What others feel is best for me.
So I give in and find the courage Kristine needs to ask for what she wants.
What she needs.
To be loved.
To be cherished.
To be put first for once in her life.
Isn’t that what we all want?
Another tear rolls down my cheek. I lick my lips.
“What. Do. You. Want?” he growls.
“Stay.”
His mouth crashes onto mine, his fingers weaving into my hair to hold me in place as his tongue pushes into my mouth. The kiss is laced with an urgency that’s so damn potent I’m afraid that if I don’t give myself to him, then we’ll both suffocate.
It’s ridiculous. I know that. But in this moment, when I’m not Reese, I can set aside my own reservations and insecurities. I can be Kristine. The girl who’s brave enough to finally admit what she wants. Who she wants. And it’s Jon…the man who’s currently delivering a toe-curling kiss that’s ruined her for all other kisses. And I’m jealous. Because I’m not brave like she is.
I’m weak.
Too weak to fight for what I want.
Too weak to admit that I want a man who’s off-limits. Who would never settle down. Who looks at girls like they’re playthings. Or at least, I thought he did. But when he looks at me, it’s different.
Isn’t it?
Or maybe I’m wrong.
Is that all I am to him? A plaything?
My insecurities battle for the spotlight when River’s punishing grip tightens in my hair before softening.
Like he’s giving in to what he truly wants. To let down his walls. To let me in.
To let Kristine in.
My chest heaves as I let Kristine take over and reciprocate the only way I know how by pressing my chest against him and opening my mouth to let him in too.
Because Kristine? She needs to let him in. She needs to let herself be loved. She deserves it. And she deserves the wounded rockstar with a shitty past.
A soft moan escapes me as I cling to his bicep and slip my tongue into his hungry mouth when––
“And that’s a wrap,” Brett calls out.
I freeze in River’s grasp and peek up at him with tear-stained cheeks before letting my heels touch the ground.
Whoa.
His eyes are dark yet filled with a lust that’s so thick I can almost taste it. Slamming his mouth against mine a second time, Jon disappears, replaced by River. The real River. Not the actor. And he sure as hell isn’t kissing Kristine. He’s kissing me. Lil’ ol’ me. The girl who isn’t an actress or a model. She’s just a regular girl next door who is being consumed by the sexiest man she’s ever met.
And I let him. I siphon a bit of Kristine’s courage and wield it like a weapon. Piercing through River’s barriers the same way he’s managed to wreck mine. Weaving my fingers into his hair, I rise onto my tiptoes again and glide the tip of my tongue along his, tasting his minty flavor while committing it to memory. Because I have no idea if I’ll ever have the courage to kiss him after this moment.
Not like this.
Not without the sorry excuse that we’re pretending. That this is all for a stupid audition tape when we both know it’s more than that.
At least it is to me.
“I said, that’s a wrap,” Brett orders, more amused than anything else.
Panting, I pull away from River and try to catch my breath. The intensity in his eyes makes it damn near impossible. He clears his throat, lets me go, and steps back to give me some space.
Space I’m not sure I even want anymore.
What. The. Hell just happened?
Wiping the back of my hand against my swollen lips, my cheeks flushed, I release another unsteady breath. My mind and body are still stuck in the emotional mess from five minutes ago, and I’m left feeling…helpless. I need to know what happens to Jon and Kristine. I need to know if he leaves. I need to know if the kiss I just shared with River was real or if I imagined the whole thing. And I need my heart to stop galloping in my chest so I can catch my breath and act natural when all I want to do is grab River’s face and kiss him again.
Which would be so wrong.
“You guys went off-script,” Brett notes, “but I think the director will appreciate it. Do you want to shoot it again?”
“I think we’re good,” I squeak. “I’m just gonna go…” Hooking my thumb over my shoulder toward the dressing room, I turn on my heel without waiting for their approval. As I retreat to the only space where I can get a minute of privacy, I keep my pace steady and my head held high.
Nope.
That was plenty of acting for one day.
21
Reese
The energy in the truck is humming with anticipation as we drive home like our kiss never happened. Just Jon and Kristine’s.
River’s hands tap against the steering wheel in rhythm to the song on the radio while my knee bounces just as chaotically.
Tap. Tappity-tap-tap. Tap. Tap. Tappity-tap-tap. Tap.
“So that was…interesting,” River mentions.
“Brett sounded optimistic, don’t you think?”
“Yeah.”
Tap. Tappity-tap-tap. Tap. Tap. Tappity-tap-tap. Tap.
“Do you think you’ll get the part?” I ask.
He glances over at me. “No idea. But I think we put on a hell of an audition. And I have you to thank you for that.”
“I didn’t do much,” I hedge, my cheeks heating.
“Bullshit. You rocked it in there, Reese. No offense, but when you said you dreamed of being an actor as a kid, I didn’t think you had the talent to back it up.”