Gibson’s amusement falls. “Shit, Reese. I didn’t think about how that would make you uncomfortable since you like him.”
“I don’t like him,” I scoff while hating the fact that a certain someone is hiding in my closet and is hearing firsthand about my crush on him. It doesn’t matter that we’ve just slept together. Right now, I feel like a teenager who just got caught drooling over the popular guy in school. The popular guy who could have any girl he wants but is slumming it with me for the time being.
Great.
Gibbs smirks before pointing out, “You’re wearing his shirt.”
I look down at the dark fabric that practically swallows me whole, then fist the fabric in my sweaty palms at my sides. “T-that’s because he loaned it to me on my first night, and it’s comfortable. It has nothing to do with the manwhore who owns it, okay?” I cross my arms and lean against the door jamb, daring him to argue.
Because he has an ounce of self-preservation, he drops it. “Oookay, then. If you want me to talk to him and ask that he goes over to his floozy’s place instead of inviting them over here for a little while, just let me know. I can blame it on my muse or something. But trust me, you need to keep this as an unrequited love kind of relationship. If you pursue something with him, you’re going to wind up getting hurt, and Milo will never forgive River for that.”
Sobering, I release a shaky breath and drop my gaze to my bare feet before whispering, “I know, Gibbs.”
“If you hear from him, let me know, okay?”
“I will.”
Turning on his heel, Gibson walks back into his room and leaves me alone with way too many what if’s before my morning coffee. I close the door, then sit on the edge of my bed, resting my head in my hands as the closet opens and River unfolds himself from the tiny space. Striding over to me, he sits down and pulls me into his side.
“Hey. You okay?”
I shake my head back and forth. “Not really.”
“He’s wrong, Reese.”
“Is he, though?” I argue, peeking up at him with red-rimmed eyes. “‘Cause I think he has a pretty valid point.”
“That’s bullshit, and you know it. I told you last night that I want you.”
“Yeah, but for how long, Riv? I’m just a shiny new toy who happens to be your best friend’s little sister. It’s not like a girl like me would ever hold your interest.”
“You think I would risk my friendship with Milo for a shiny new toy? Bullshit,” he spits, his spine straightening. “You mean more to me than a one-night stand, Reese.”
“I can’t betray my brother like that––”
“You’ve already betrayed your brother. We had sex, Reese. And despite how shitty you perceive me, it meant something to me.”
“It meant something to me too,” I whisper.
That same penetrating gaze pins me in place as he cups my cheek, rubbing away a bit of yesterday’s mascara while managing to still make me feel beautiful. And I hate it. That I crave his touch. His smiles. The confidence he gives me. All of it.
“I like you, Reese,” he murmurs.
“I like you too, Riv.”
“I want to give this a shot.” He gives me a defeated smile. “I want the damn label.”
Biting my lower lip, I close my eyes and lean into the palm of his hand. “I don’t think I can give you that––”
“Why not?”
“Because as soon as you have it, you’ll get bored of me,” I whisper, hating the way my voice cracks at the end. “You’ll be ready to move on before Milo even has time to wrap his head around the idea that I’m dating one of his best friends. And where does that leave us, huh? I’m just a shiny new toy to you––”
“Bullshit, Reese.” The warmth from his touch disappears before he shoves himself to his feet and paces back and forth in my room. Running his fingers through his mussed-up hair, he tugs on the roots and seethes, “Do you really think I’m that shallow? That I would risk my friendship with your brother over a shiny toy?”
“Do you blame me? That’s your MO.”
“Bullshit,” he repeats.
“It’s not bullshit,” I argue, my sadness morphing into something sharp and bitter. “You don’t do relationships––”
“But I would for you.”
“Don’t lie to me––”
“I’m not the one lying, Reese. You told me last night that you can’t do sex without emotions.” He waves his hand at me. “Yet, look at you now. I tell you I want the real deal, and you won’t even let me prove myself. That’s bullshit, and you know it.”
“My brother,” I choke out. “My brother would never forgive me.”
“That’s bullshit too. Your brother and I are friends, Reese. He knows me. He knows that I don’t do anything half-assed. He knows that I would treat you like gold if I told him I was all in.”
My pulse races as I cover my quivering lips. “River, don’t––”
“Don’t what?” he growls. “Don’t tell him?”
“Please,” I whisper, tears streaming down my face. “I can’t let him know that I betrayed him. It was just one night––”
“To you,” he finishes for me. “To you, it was just one night. To me, it was more than that.”
He storms toward the door before squeezing the handle so tight I’m surprised it doesn’t break off.
“River––”
“Don’t worry. I won’t say anything.”
Then he’s gone. And I feel more broken than ever before.
28
Reese
“Hey, Oscar,” Dove teases as I wipe down one of the tables.
With my head cocked to the side, I mutter, “Oscar?”
“As in, the grouch. Oscar the Grouch. Why so glum, chum?”
Mouth curved in amusement, I scan the crowded bar before admitting, “I had a shitty morning.”
“What kind?”
“The worst kind.”
“Can I help?” she asks.
“I don’t know. I’m in a conundrum, and I don’t know what to do about it.”
“What kind of conundrum?”
“One that’s…complicated.”
“Trust me. I know complicated. Maybe not personally, since my own life is the most boring thing on the planet, but I’m a great listening ear to my older sister who’s entire life is the definition of complicated. I’d be happy to play the part for you, too, if you want.”
“You don’t have to do that,” I hedge, though a tiny voice inside of me is screaming at me to spit it out. Am I being ridiculous? Should I give River and me a real shot? Would that ruin everything if I did?
Things would be so much easier if I could examine my situation from a bird’s eye view. Right now, I know I’m too close to everything. Too attached. Too helpless to listen to logic. I’m too freaking caught up in my emotions and the potential fallouts that are leaving me paralyzed to fight for what I want.