I do want River.
I just don’t know how to keep him. And if, by some miracle, I manage to, how can I keep my brother’s trust? It feels impossible.
Dove slips the rag from my hands, then sets it against the table and offers, “You can talk to me, you know. I know we don’t know each other very well, but I’m not exactly a gossip kind of girl, and I promise to never repeat anything you tell me in confidence. And…call it a hunch, but you look like you could use someone to open up to.”
“Is it that obvious?”
“Maybe a little.”
I puff out my cheeks before letting it bubble out of me in a not-so-steady breath. “Fiiiine. I met someone. And he’s awesome. And he says he wants to be with me. But he’s also a manwhore who doesn’t exactly do relationships, which is terrifying because I’m not all that great, you know? Why would he want to stick around for me? And then, as a nice little cherry on top, he’s friends with my brother, who’s adamantly against us dating, which means I’m screwed. I don’t want to stand in the way of their friendship, but I don’t want my brother to stand in the way of our potential relationship, either. And that sucks because my brother is literally the only person in my life who’s ever really cared about me,” I ramble. “The thought of him not approving of my relationship with his friend…it really sucks, Dove.”
“Hmm,” she hums, tapping her trimmed fingernail against her chin. “That is quite the conundrum.”
“I know.”
“Okay. First of all, you’re amazing, and gorgeous, and nice, and you need to give yourself more credit. He’d be a fool not to want you, so if he’s willing to try a relationship with you, and that’s what you want, then you can’t let your insecurities hold you back. As for the brother predicament, how long have you liked his friend? Is it like a spur of the moment kind of deal, or have you felt something for him for a while now and are just now considering acting on it?”
“Considering?” I grimace.
She gasps before giving me a surprised grin. “Dang, girl. I’m jealous. Okay, so something has already happened. The question is, what is it, how are you handling it, and how are you and Mystery Boy going to move forward?”
“Ladies!” Ashton calls while weaving in between tables with a tray in his hands. “Less chatting, more cleaning.”
“Sorry!” we both return in unison.
My damp rag is still resting on top of the table, and I pick it up before turning back to Dove. “We should have a girls’ night or something. Then I can maybe pick your brain a bit more.”
“Okay.” She smiles shyly and decides, “I like that idea. Are you free tomorrow?”
“Yeah. Then I can give you all the gory details about epic sex and my messy love life.”
Her cheeks heat. “Sounds like a plan since epic sex and a messy love life are about as foreign to me as walking on the moon.”
“Wait, you’ve never had sex?” I ask.
“Um…nope.”
“Seriously?”
Dove shakes her head. “My parents are super old and super religious. I was their golden child before moving in with my sister, who was disowned after she came home and told us she was pregnant. So, nope. No sex for this girl.”
“That’s…” I pause, praying I haven’t offended her. “That’s cool?”
“No, it’s depressing,” she corrects me with another shy smile.
“It’s not depressing––”
“It totally is, but it’s okay. Honestly, it’s probably a good thing. The idea of being the center of a guy’s attention is full-blown terrifying to me. And the idea of disappointing my parents after the way my sister broke their hearts? Well…that’s also terrifying. Anyway. Yes. I’m free tomorrow and would love to have a girls’ night if I didn’t scare you off with my unconventional past. What time works for you?”
“Um…maybe sometime after seven?” I offer.
“Okay, perfect. Do you mind if we go somewhere cheap, though? I know that sounds super trailer trashy, but because my sister’s pregnant and the guy was a jerk who left her high and dry, I’ve been saving every single penny to pay for diapers once Baby comes.”
Damn. That sounds rough. My life might be a mess right now, but at least I’m not pregnant with some asshole’s baby. Sounds like a piece of work to me.
“Sure thing,” I answer her. “Why don’t you just come over to my place tomorrow night, and we can watch Netflix and binge ice cream while I tell you all my woes?”
“Sounds like perfection to me. Can I bring anything?”
“Nope. We have a bunch of junk food in the fridge that no one touches but me, and I need help getting rid of it. Let me text you my address, and you can meet me there.”
“Okay, thanks. And I look forward to getting all the dirty details later so I can live vicariously through you.” She bounces her eyebrows up and down.
“Glad I can be of service,” I return, feeling lighter than I have since the moment River stormed out of my room. My life might still be a shitshow, but at least I can share it with someone.
“As for your problems and what little information I have so far, the only advice I can offer is to think about the way Mystery Man makes you feel. If you feel better and happier when you’re around him, then I think that’s all your brother really wants. Even if he never expected his friend to be the one to help you find that happiness.”
Well, shit.
When she puts it like that, the answer seems obvious. But it can’t be that easy. Not when Milo is involved. Not when River is known for having a short attention span. Still. He does make me happy. Really happy. Maybe Dove has a point.
“That’s…deep,” I mutter, the wheels in my head still churning a million miles a minute.
Dove’s laugh is light and bubbly and snaps me out of my chaotic thoughts. “See? I told ya that I’m a good listening ear. Now, I gotta get back to work because Ashton is giving me the evil eye, and my people-pleasing heart is not liking it. Will you handle Gibson’s orders tonight, and I’ll deal with Sammie?”
“Again?” I ask. She’s been avoiding Gibson since her first day and only stares at him from afar. I just wish I knew why.
“It’s not a big deal,” she mutters. “Sammie’s just…nicer. We’ll chat later, okay?”
“Sounds good. See ya.”
The next thirty minutes go by in a blur as SeaBird continues to fill with more customers.
After cleaning a few more tables, I head to the bar to grab another tray that needs to be delivered.
“Hey, will you take this to your brother’s table?” Gibson yells over the music.
I glance behind me and scan the crowded area. “Milo’s here?”
“Yeah. Corner booth with Jake,” he tells me before setting a pitcher on my tray with a few clean glasses.
So, no River.
Noted.
My relief that he isn’t with Milo and Jake is quickly replaced with disappointment.
I miss him. Especially after the way we left things. I just want to apologize. I want to make everything better. I want to go back to last night and savor his taste a little longer. I just want him.