Jotaha shook his head at her words, saddened that she’d had to grow up around such a cruel and unforgiving people. “Farona is a good female, and she has a kind and generous spirit. I am not surprised at all that she has given you such gifts, though I should have made my coffers available to you, and I regret that oversight.”
That was another lapse on his part. He wasn’t accustomed to considering the needs of others, and a nixir in Draku Rin would have her hands completely tied without the help of a yan-kanat guide. He’d left her alone, without considering what she would do for the majority of the cycle without him. Someone like Farona would know her own way around the city without needing him to show her. He had to start considering Sarah’s unique position, and stop treating her as he would Farona.
He was very grateful to his friend for stepping into the breach he’d left to take Sarah around and even help her purchase the goods she’d need.
“Speaking of ‘coffers,’” she said, pulling his attention back to their conversation to note that she’d unbound some of the food offerings and was setting them out on the table.
“Every kivan I have is at your disposal.” He helped her lay out the final dishes from the bundle, then strode to his storage shelves for xirak leaves and a jug to heat vandiz for their drinks.
“I appreciate that, but I was wondering about how I can make my own… uh, kivan.”
He spun around to face her, jug and leaf pouch in his hands. “Are you talking about employment?” He shook his head. “It’s unheard of for a drahi to work if her mate can support her. If you took a job, it would imply that I did not provide for you properly. It would dishonor me.”
She blinked wide eyes at him several times, before she huffed in a way that told him she was annoyed. “Well, that’s very archaic.”
She crossed her arms, tapping one sandal-clad foot. “I have to do something with my time, Jotaha. I’m used to working for a living. I don’t want to spend all my days shopping and sitting around the house.” She gestured to her surroundings with a sweep of one arm. “You don’t even have cable or satellite TV in this world, much less video games. I need something to do.”
He set the jug and pouch down on the table and took her by her upper arms, rubbing his hands down them as if to stroke her into submission, even knowing it wouldn’t work on his independent nixir. “When our nestlings come, you will be very busy caring for them. Until then, I’m certain there are many hobbies a female can do for entertainment. Farona would be better suited to telling you about them.”
“Oh, you caveman, you.” Sarah chuckled in her nixir way, shaking her head. “I’m going to let that slide, because your culture isn’t mine, and I love you enough to find a compromise that works for both of us, but—”
He silenced her with a kiss, hoping to distract her from her unreasonable demands to work. If she even inquired about taking employment, it would embarrass him. He hoped a nestling came along quickly, because he had no doubt his nixir’s sharp mind would get her into mischief if she wasn’t occupied.
The kiss backfired as she returned it hungrily, changing it from a quick distraction to a painful reminder that his seal remained active and he couldn’t take the delightful activity to the conclusion he desired.
He had to pull away from her, grunting in pain as his salavik parted his slit and got burned in its eagerness to dive into her heat. Soon. He would speed up his arrangements with the temple to prepare the ceremony. He didn’t know how much more of this he could take before he ended up permanently scarred. Seta Zul’s will had a sadistic side.
She made a frustrated sound as he set her away from him, expressing a regret that matched his own. The fact that she clearly returned his desire only made things more difficult.
“I will fill the jug for our drinks.” He snatched up the container and sped towards the hygiene room as if he could escape his need for her by putting distance between them.
He was cranking the pump when she appeared in the doorway and leaned her shoulder against the lacquered bone frame. “What does Ha-tah mean?”
He froze for a moment, startled to hear that name leave her lips. “Farona called me that, didn’t she?” He straightened from the basin, shaking his head. “That was my nest name. She has never been able to stop using it, even when I abandoned it for my title.”
Her expression appeared guarded, and he wondered why she looked upset. “So, you let her use a special name for you, but you never told me about it?”
He set the half-filled jug in the basin and went to her, cupping her face. “Sarah, that name is no longer mine. I only tolerate Farona using it because we have known each other since birth. If you were to call me that, it would be considered disrespectful. Anyone who overheard it would see it as a denial of my position, only made worse by my drahi using it. I am Jotaha of Draku Rin. That is one of the most respected positions in the city—in fact, on all of Theia. I earned that title, and it is expected that everyone calls me by it.”
“Jotaha, I do respect you, but if you let her call you that, why would I be any different? I want to be your friend too, not just the woman who bears your ‘nestlings’ and keeps your house clean.”
He sighed, frustrated at this one quirk of Farona’s that was causing problems with Sarah. “You are far more to me than a friend, and certainly more than just the mother of my nestlings or a housecleaner. You are the other half of my soul. You are the one that others will expect to hold the most respect for me. If they hear you calling me Ha-tah, then they will think you don’t feel for me the way I do for you. They will see my nixir mate denying my status, and it will shame me in their eyes.”
She placed a hand on his chest, her dark eyes troubled as she stared up at him. “I don’t want to cause you any more trouble. I know that I’m already making things hard on you, just by being human. It’s just that you have such a long and close relationship with another woman, and I… honestly, I feel a little threatened by that closeness.”
When he opened his mouth to reassure her, she pushed on his chest as if to silence him. “Would you have let her keep calling you that if she was your drahi?”
“Never in public.”
That answer didn’t seem to appease her. “So, in private, she would still be able to use that name for you?”
“Why is this so important to you, Sarah?” He rubbed his hand over his head spines in frustration, turning back to the basin to return to filling the jug. “What difference does it make if Farona uses that name? She doesn’t mean as much to me as you do! I don’t care if she respects me enough to use my proper title.” He froze with his hand on the crank, realizing his words only after saying them.
Why had it never bothered him that Farona called him by the same name his mother had, as if she was elder to him, rather than his peer? Why did it bother him so much to think of Sarah calling him an abandoned nestling name, even when they were in private?
And why didn’t Farona use his title when speaking of him?
“Jotaha, I’m sorry. I’m not trying to upset you. I’m just confused, is all. I want to know everything about you, so I was taken aback when Farona called you by a different name. It hurt, a little, that the two of you have this secret language that even the chanu zayul can’t translate.”