She nipped his hand, making him stiffen in reaction, bracing himself for his arousal. For some reason, it turned him on to feel her biting him. He was a freak ever since she’d bitten his hand, but she could totally dig that, as long as he didn’t return the favor with his much sharper teeth.
“I never said I wouldn’t do it in front of an audience. I’m just not thrilled about it. But it’s only the one time, right? Only for the ceremony?”
His free hand fisted in her hair, gently tugging her head back so she couldn’t bite him again. He lowered his head to graze his lips across her brow, then nuzzle her temple where he seemed fascinated by the warm, delicate skin he found there. “I want to kill every male who sees your naked body. Do you really think I would ever allow an audience after the first mating?”
The deep growl of his voice in her ear made her shiver at the promise in his words. Murders were exceedingly rare among the yan-kanat, but when they did happen, they almost always involved a male attacking another male for making a move on his mate. Most yan-kanat males weren’t suicidal, and never even dreamed of doing something so stupid. Casual sex between unmated yan-kanat was perfectly fine, and males rarely grew jealous over their casual female lovers taking other males to their bed, but touching a mated drahi was inviting death.
“I’ll be sure to keep my clothes on around all the guys, then,” she teased.
His hand tightened in her hair as he lifted his head to meet her eyes. “There will be no other males around you without me there as well.”
Her eyes narrowed as she released his hand. He held her in place when she tried to free her hair from his grip. “You know, human women can have platonic relationships with men right. Even when they have a mate.”
He was silent for a long moment. When he spoke, his voice was gravelly with his anger. “Are you testing me, drahi? Is the thought of a life with me so unbearable to you that you want me to reject the seal, even if it means my dishonor and infertility?”
He sighed, slowly releasing his hold on her hair. Then he took several steps away from her, though his eyes never left her face, where her mouth gaped open in shock at his misinterpretation of her words.
“If you bind yourself to me, Sarah, you cannot live the life of a nixir female with no concern for how it would look to the yan-kanat around you.” He tapped the center of his chest with one claw. “With no concern for how it would look to me. I love you, and I know that there are things about you that I can’t change, any more than you can change my nature to better suit your view of the world.”
His head spines fully extended and the glow of the chanu zayul sparked along his scales. “But you cannot accept my seal and then toy with my heart without consequences, even if that is in your nature.”
She snapped her mouth shut and held up both hands in surrender. “I’m sorry, Jotaha. I was only teasing. I wouldn’t hang out with other males by myself. I know that would be extremely disrespectful to you.”
“You struggle to submit to me,” he said, his glow fading as his spines drooped. “Even though it hurts me, I understand that you possess the nixir desire to fight, even against those who would protect you and love you, and give you everything you ever desired. A nixir would fight to the death to avoid submitting, even when it is in their own best interests.”
He rubbed his head spines flat, his gaze shifting away from her. He stared at the shrine of Draku Rin with distant eyes, as if he was seeing something far beyond that. “I had hoped that you would come to trust me enough to give yourself to me. I’ve been told that other nixir females have done so in the past because they found life with a yan-kanat male preferable to one with their own cruel males. I believed that the fight was not as strong in your females as it is in your males. But you are a fighter, Sarah. I admire you for that, and respect it, but I do not know if you can bear to give in to my dominance because of that combative spirit.”
She was suddenly afraid. Not of Jotaha, but of losing him. She was terrified that he would give up on her, give up on them, because she struggled to accept his culture and its demands on her. She knew he would never hurt her, so why did she fight so hard to retain an open and defiant independence, even when it might cause him shame and embarrassment among his people?
“I can submit!”
She rushed to him, every instinct going against her actions, telling her she was weak, and cowardly, and insisting that she didn’t want to be controlled, even if it meant living life miserable and alone.
Her parents had raised her better than that. They’d taught her so well that she hadn’t even surrendered to their will, despite the consequences. She didn’t regret that choice, but she knew she would regret not surrendering to Jotaha.
She clutched his tunic like a desperate woman, emotional, so terrified of losing him that she was crying. “I surrender, Jotaha! I love you, and I want to be with you. I’ll try to be a good yan-kanat mate. I’ll let you make my decisions for me. I’ll do anything you want, just please don’t leave me!”
He gathered her in his arms, holding her close as she sobbed. He stroked her hair, the feeling soothing, letting her know he wasn’t angry anymore.
“I don’t want you to stop fighting me completely, my drahi. I don’t want to destroy your nixir spirit. I’m willing to find compromises we can agree on so that we are both happy in our lives together.”
She felt his lips brush over her hair. “I will never leave you, Sarah. Nor will I ever let you go.”
34
The final trial of jotahs was a melee in tight conditions, after an extended hunt through the mining tunnels that snaked beneath the skilev. Jotaha and the Jotahans acted as the nixir prey, leading their hunters on a dangerous chase through the darkness.
They became even more dangerous for the jotahs when the tunnels brightened up occasionally from untapped veins of activated inferno stone that put out immense heat and light. It was there that the wrapped stones they carried to increase their body heat so they could be detected by the hunters like a nixir would become overwhelmed by an entire chamber of heat, blinding the jotahs’ thermal vision, making them vulnerable to attack by the retired guardians and current guardian.
In the final melee, all four of the jotahs who had made it to the last trials would be facing off against Jotaha and five Jotahans in combat. The battle wasn’t fair, but neither were the nixirs. The judges would use blowguns with untainted darts to simulate the far deadlier weapons of the nixirs. No one wanted to send a new Jotaha into the urvaka unprepared to fight against their deadliest enemy.
They weren’t trying to kill the jotah competitors, but they would not avoid hurting them. The competitors were the best of the best the skilev had to offer, and Jotaha was proud and impressed by their skill. Stealth and darkness were the primary weapon of the Jotaha. The nixirs lacked the ability to see in the pitch black of the urvaka, requiring at least some light that often disoriented them as it cast deep shadows.
The key for any Jotaha was to avoid the chance that the nixirs could bring their deadly weapons into play. Jotaha himself had been wounded more than once by them, especially when he’d first begun his duty as guardian. Their weapons were incredibly destructive, and had their projectiles struck him in kill zones instead of winging his limbs or skimming his body, they could have killed him instantly. As long as he survived, the chanu zayul worked to rapidly heal his injuries.