Jotaha seized on that distraction, wanting to avoid any further introspection that disturbed him. “The name is in an ancient language that the yan-kanat spoke before coming to Theia. It means ‘long awaited’.”
This brought him a new kind of disturbance as he was forced to confess more to her than he had intended to so soon. The nixirs had so many nestlings that she might be upset that they could experience difficulty in that department.
He abandoned the jug to face her again. “My parents were mated in Seta Zul’s eyes, but even then, they were not fertile. They tried for many passings to have nestlings, and had finally given up when they were approaching the end of my mother’s fertile time. It was only near that end that she became pregnant with me.”
He felt his head spines rising with his concern that Sarah would be upset at his next words. “They believed that Seta Zul had a purpose for making them wait so long, but the healers said that something in my mother’s blood inhibited her fertility, and that it might have been passed on to me.”
Her eyes had softened with sympathy and she embraced him in a way that spoke of comfort rather than desire. “I’m sorry, Jotaha. That has to be difficult news to hear.”
“I may not be able to give you many nestlings, Sarah, even though you are my drahi. I know that nixirs have many offspring, and I worry that you will regret not having a large brood to raise.”
She lifted her head from his chest, staring up at him. “I don’t know what humans you’re thinking of, Jotaha, but where I come from, having lots of children isn’t that common anymore. My parents only had one, and they acted like I was a parasite, sucking the best years of their lives away. And I—”
Her eyes filled with moisture as she bit off her words and tried to pull away from him. He kept her close, trapping her arms against his waist as he sensed she would retreat. “You can tell me anything, especially if it is something that upsets you.”
She sniffed, her lips quivering as she fought to conceal her distress. “I suppose there is something I should tell you, if we’re being totally open and honest with each other.”
She laid her cheek against his chest as he stroked a hand over her head fibers, soothing her, even as he enjoyed the guilty pleasure of touching the silken strands.
“I have a child, though I gave her up for adoption because I was too young to raise her myself and I was afraid that… that I would end up being as much a disaster as my own parents were.”
She shook in his arms, releasing the pain she had clearly held onto. Her words surprised him, since the only fertile yan-kanat female was one already mated to a male for life. Yet, he also understood that nixirs were different.
“And the father of your nestling? What happened to him?”
“He told me to end the pregnancy. When I said I couldn’t bring myself to do it, he told me he was too young to be a dad and that the baby would ruin his life, so he wanted nothing to do with her, or me after that.”
“End the pregnancy? I don’t understand?” Along with his confusion, he felt relief that she didn’t appear even emotionally bound to the father of her nestling.
He felt the moisture of her tears through the cloth of his tunic. “Humans can end our pregnancies before they go to full term.”
“Is this something a nixir body can do?” He was shocked now, unable to imagine having such bountiful fertility that a nestling would be flushed from the body at the mother’s will rather than being born.
She pulled away. “I, honestly… I don’t want to talk about things like that. I have a feeling it won’t make our species look any better in your eyes, and I already have a tough road ahead to prove myself.”
“You don’t have to prove yourself to me, Sarah.”
Her revelation made no difference in how he felt about her. The fact that she had a blood nestling in the human world saddened him, because it was clear she had not parted from her offspring without pain. The process of giving up a nestling when the parents were incapable of caring for it wasn’t unheard of to the yan-kanat, though it was very rare, as nestlings were so highly prized and Seta Zul never blessed couples unless they could raise their young. It was only unexpected injuries, illness, or a mate’s death that could leave a parent unable to continue to care for their own young.
The existence of her nestling meant that she still had a tie to her homeworld, and that did disturb him, though it seemed that she had fully committed to remaining here with him.
“I wish the other yan-kanat liked me as much as you do.”
He huffed. “I would have to kill them all if they did. No one will touch my drahi but me.”
That brightened her expression a bit. “You are such an adorable neanderthal.”
“I am yan-kanat,” he said, confused by the nixir word.
Her lips spread, baring her teeth in amusement. “I know.” Her expression fell, her eyes growing shadowed. “I’m going to make your life miserable. When Ane-ata told me off, I realized how much your people dislike me.”
He stiffened, his head spines rising. “What did Ane-ata say?”
She shrugged, but her lips turned further downwards. “She said nixirs can’t be trusted. That all we do is lie.” She gripped his wrist, her gaze intent on him. “I swear to you, Jotaha, I will always tell you the truth. I’m not a liar, just because I’m human.”
Jotaha growled, rage building in him at this blatant disrespect towards his drahi. “Kevos has spread his poison to the females. He will be punished for hiding behind Ane-ata’s skirt to spew his insults.”
“Please! Don’t punish anyone. Seriously, Jotaha. The bad blood between humans and yan-kanat won’t disappear with more angry words or actions. Punishing Kevos or his girlfriend will only drive a deeper wedge. Give me a chance to prove that I’m not the monster they think I am. Let me show them that I can be trusted. I know there will always be people who resent my presence here, but if I could just convince those who aren’t blinded by their hate, then their voices will drown out the few who are.”
Her words held wisdom, but they did little to cool the anger that boiled within him. Ane-ata was a lovesick pawn of Kevos, so he did not hold the female responsible. It appeared that Kevos had taken a cowardly route to hurt his drahi, and Jotaha wouldn’t stand for it. He would have to think on his next move to silence the other male before his venom spread further.
33
The days seemed to pass in a blur as Sarah waited for the ceremony that would make her truly Jotaha’s mate. He had already made arrangements with the temple and the big day was approaching rapidly, which was a good thing, since they were both anxious for him to no longer be sealed.
They spent every evening together, strolling through the city, dining at one of the many stalls or eateries, and even visiting the yanhiss dens, though Jotaha said he did not regularly partake, since yanhiss dulled his combat skills, making him too passive with its calming warmth. She could tell he also didn’t like to lose full control over himself because he also rarely drank alcohol. She was usually the only one who took advantage of the drug when they visited the dens. They both enjoyed the live entertainment of dancers and the short plays—most of them based on myths and historical tales—that took place in the dens.