"Are you sure you don't want me to just sleep with you?"
He laughed. "Yeah, I'd certainly like that more. But I'm going to ask you to give my best friend the benefit of the doubt. Like I said, maybe I misunderstood what Rory said he was doing tonight. Besides, aren't you two going to a wedding tomorrow?"
"We were supposed to."
"So go. Weddings are romantic. Just give him one last chance to make the right choice."
"I'm not sure I'm what he wants."
"You are. I know him better than anyone. He's been screwing around waiting for someone like you."
"I don't understand why you keep trying to help me."
"Because you're my friend and so is Rory. I want you to both be happy."
"You're the sweetest guy..."
"Yeah, don't say anything else. Because you'll make me change my mind about the favor you owe me. And I don't think the owners of this place would be happy when I started fucking you on this table."
I swallowed hard.
"I see that I've still got it." He winked at me. "Let me walk you home." He lifted up the crumpled up letter to Rory. "What is this?"
I had completely ruined it with tear stains. I'd have to print out another one anyway. If we ever even got to that discussion. Right now I just needed to see how our date went without any extra problems. "I don't need it anymore. It's just trash."
"Okay." Connor grabbed the crumpled up paper, the envelope, and my melted ice cream and walked over to the trash can.
He put his arm around my shoulders as he walked me home.
Chapter 29
I had avoided Rory all morning and afternoon. I wasn't sure when he had come home, but no screams of pleasure had woken me up. So I was hoping that meant he hadn't actually been on a date. I didn't realize how much being in love was going to hurt. In the movies it always looked so wonderful. But my chest hurt. And I felt anxious. And I was so nervous about going to the wedding with him. It was like we had just met all over again.
I looked through the dresses in my closet. There were five bridesmaid dresses in it, all equally hideous, and all taking up a ridiculous amount of room. I wasn't sure why I had kept all of them. For a while I thought maybe it was because I wanted to remember how fun the weddings were. I was usually sentimental. But that wasn't it. The weddings all sucked. I was happy for my friends, but their weddings had just ended up with me getting drunk and going home alone or making out with one of their distant cousins and never hearing from them again.
I stared at the hideous dresses in the closet. No. I held onto all of them because I was terrified that being a bridesmaid was the closest I'd ever get to the altar. I was so pathetic. I pushed them to the side. I needed to look great tonight. Because I needed to hear that he wanted to be with just me. And if he didn't feel the same way I did, I was going to run away and hide in a new apartment all the way across town.
I sighed and pulled out one of my favorite dresses. It wasn't one that fit Rory's criteria of being sexy. But for some reason it was the one I felt like wearing. Somehow I had lost a little bit of myself ever since Rory had moved in. Just because he made me feel butterflies in my stomach and could make me want him with just a smile didn't necessarily mean he was my forever. I barely even knew anything about him. The idea of not being with him made me feel sick to my stomach, though.
The dress was a red silky material. It was the dress I had bought for my very first date back in college. I sat down on the edge of the bed. Justin. I had said yes right away when he had asked me out. I was such a nerd in high school, and I jumped at the chance to have a boyfriend. But he always had better things to do than hang out with me. And then there was Mike, who I wanted to date in order to get over my first heartache. He was probably even worse than Justin. We weren't compatible at all. I just didn't like feeling alone. My last boyfriend, David, I had met in Philly. He was charming and seemed so much more mature than the boys I dated in college. I thought he could be the one. But he thought I had gotten too serious too fast. He wasn't ready for commitment. But he was ready to propose to the girl he started dating right after me. They hadn't even known each other for a year. And David had broken up with me over the phone right before our one year anniversary dinner. I had to hand it to David. He had been right. I didn't love him. I just loved the idea of being in love.
I was so sick of making mistakes. And I was even more sick of having men make me feel worthless. The way Rory looked at me didn't make me feel that way. He was definitely the sweetest guy I had ever dated. I sighed. But we weren't really even dating. I so badly wanted that to change.
I ran my fingers along the silky dress. It was definitely appropriate for a wedding. The hem landed right above my knees, although there was a slit up the side. The top wasn't low cut but somehow still accentuated my breasts. It was super tight and still made me feel sexy even though it was modest. I applied my makeup and finished with red lipstick. I smacked my lips together and looked in the mirror.
I was so glad that Connor had convinced me not to run away. I didn't want to hide from how I was feeling right now. Yesterday before I had discovered Rory was on a date, I had been so happy, despite the weight of telling him about the newspaper articles. And I didn't want to miss out on that feeling just because I didn't have the guts to tell Rory how I felt yet.
There was a knock on my bedroom door. "Keira?"
Even his voice gave me that now familiar pull in my stomach. I slipped on a pair of black heels before opening my door.
"Wow, you look amazing." He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss against my lips.
He had never kissed me like that before. There was something gentle and loving about it. When he pulled away I felt like I could see it in his eyes. He was looking at me like he had missed me. All those doubts from last night seemed so ridiculous when he was right in front of me.
He held up a tie. "Do you know how to tie this?" Just seeing him holding a tie reminded me of being blindfolded with one in his bedroom. He smiled at me, as if he could tell what I was thinking. "I've been thinking a lot about all the ways you might want to be punished. It should probably involve this, don't you think?" He handed me the tie.
I swallowed hard and took the tie from him. "I think you know what I like better than I do." I slipped the tie under the collar of his white shirt. He was wearing a dark gray suit and I had never seen him look more handsome. His suit was fitted and seemed to show off all his lean muscles. I pulled the end of the tie through the knot I had made and tightened it. His eyes locked with mine as I adjusted his tie.
He took a step forward, pressing my back against the doorframe. "Are you sure you don't want to just stay here?"
"As tempting as that is, I already told them we were coming."
He pretended to pout.
"Come on, Rory," I grabbed his tie and lightly pulled it, directing him to the door. "It's going to be fun."
"It'll be fun to dance with you all night." He slapped my ass.
"Rory!" I laughed. "You're going to try to embarrass me tonight, aren't you?" We stepped onto the elevator.