Did he really? Every time she looked in his direction, he was usually involved in a discussion with the other men, one she should have a part in. “Excuse me.” She rose and dusted off the seat of her pants before striding around the fire. Behind her, the women began to whisper. How brazen she must seem to them. It was pure desperation. They had no idea how lucky they were in their way. Their male family members looked out for them. But she had a freedom they’d never have and many of them envied it.
Why did it have to be one way or the other when something in the middle would benefit all?
The group of men watched her arrival, some of them scowling, others seeming bemused. Qasim offered a greeting, “Come join us.”
Zaxe, who had risen as she’d approached, waved her to the mat he’d been sitting on. With a polite nod, she took it.
“It is not seemly for a woman to interrupt men’s conversations,” one man protested.
She crossed her legs, rested her elbows on her knees, and fixed her cloak around her before answering. “I mean no disrespect, but why is it unseemly if the woman should be involved in the conversation?”
Zaxe lowered himself beside her, sitting so closely his body brushed hers. The heat from his arm seemed to burn through the layers of her clothes. Beneath her shirt, her nipples puckered. The darkness was hopefully enough to hide the hint of a blush on her face. If any noticed, they’d likely assume it came from sitting so closely to the fire and not from her attraction to the man beside her.
“Your father or brother should speak for you. An uncle,” he protested.
The argument was an old familiar one. “I have no father.” At least not one she’d claim. “My brother is younger, and I am searching for him. I have no uncles or cousins. What should I do? Shut myself inside and never venture out? I would have starved to death years ago.”
The man shifted on his mat, uncomfortable with her reply. He looked around him, searching for support, but finding only other questioning gazes. He finally threw his hands up. “It is still not right.”
“There is much not right in the world,” Qasim interjected, giving the man out. “We have all of us adapted over the years, doing what we must.
Zaxe’s silence surprised her. She’d expected him to speak up on her behalf. Her stomach clenched, making the food she’d eaten churn uneasily. Why would he? They had no connection other than their mutual goal. Oh, and they’d had sex. Her battles weren’t his.
His hand pressed over hers and gently squeezed. She glanced up, surprised to see the approval and pride stamped on his face. She sat a little straighter and then cursed herself for it. Why should she care what he thought? A quick tug and she had her hand in her lap. Then she missed the heat and reassurance of his.
What is wrong with me?
Her emotions had gone up and down since this afternoon. Or more precisely, since she’d met Zaxe. Everything in her life had been so straightforward up to that point. She knew who she was and what she had to do in order to survive. Now everything had changed and she was struggling to find her footing.
“You were about to tell me where I might find Helldrick?” Zaxe’s question had her head snapping back up. Time to pay attention. Her brother’s future was at stake. Not to mention her own.
“There is no finding him.” Qasim picked up the wooden mug and sipped his tea. The steam rose around his face, given him an otherworldly quality. The crackle of the flames was the only noise as all the other men had fallen silent. Even the women and children had ceased to chatter, all of them interested in the ongoing conversation. “He is always moving, never staying in one spot for long. I expect he will discover the massacre in the valley and send some of his men here to discover what we know. Then you will be able to question them.”
Frustration pounded in her skull, making her temples throb. Her hands curled into fists. The longer Esau was with Helldrick, the greater chance there was of something happening to him.
“If no one arrives tomorrow, we will continue on.” Zaxe’s announcement took them aback. Even Qasim seemed shocked. So was she. She’d wrongfully assumed he’d want to sit tight until they had a more concrete idea of where to go next.
“The desert is not a place to travel alone.”
“He won’t be alone,” she interjected. No way was he leaving her behind.
“I’m sorry, my dear,” Qasim continued, “but the desert is no place for either of you. Only the strongest survive. You may have been born here, but you have been away a long time,” he told Zaxe.
“I have survived worse.” Zaxe was totally relaxed and it wasn’t a pose. He really wasn’t the least bit concerned about having to trek deeper into the desert.
“You killed Reman’s man,” Qasim reminded him. His brow was furrowed, his gaze grave. For the first time since they’d met, the older man appeared worried.
“I’ll deal with him when I’m done with Helldrick.”
Qasim rubbed a hand over his face. “My son, I don’t doubt you are a great warrior, but it does not pay to be reckless.”
She found herself nodding, which was ridiculous. She wanted to find Helldrick as badly as he did, maybe even more so.
“I’m no warrior.” Zaxe’s voice was oddly flat and emotionless.
The very air around them seemed to still. No clothing rustled, no one coughed or cleared their throat. The silence was complete, everyone seeming to hold their breath.
“I’m an assassin.”
****
Zaxe would normally have cut out his own tongue before sharing unnecessary information, but he didn’t like the way Qasim was watching him. There was no doubt the leader of this tribe had an idea of Zaxe’s true identity. It was best to discourage any notion that he was some hero returning home to save his people.
That was not who he was.
It could be.
He stifled the voice before it got any louder. He had a mission to accomplish. Then he was leaving. And he was taking Jamaeh with him, if she wished to go. The universe was large enough for him to find a place where no one knew of either of his pasts, a place where he could finally be himself.
Whoever that was.
Everyone had been shocked into silence. Surely, they’d already guessed that after the way they’d taken out Helldrick’s men at the canyon. Or maybe Qasim assumed Reman’s man had done most of the actual killing.
“I see.” It was difficult to judge if there was disappointment or acceptance in the old man’s voice. “You have lived a difficult life.”
If he was trying to offer Zaxe an excuse, he wasn’t taking it. “It’s the only life I’ve known.” And he wasn’t ashamed of anything he’d done as it had kept his sisters alive. That was his goal, then and now.
Jamaeh’s hand rested on his back. The unexpected show of support grounded him. She understood what it meant to have to step outside society’s norms to survive. These were outcasts, men and women who by choice or life issues had made a home far away from the city and governing leaders, away from the rules that governed normal life. Yet even here, they held on to many of those strictures.
He hadn’t had the luxury. And neither had Jamaeh.
“We will leave now if you’d prefer. It was not my intention to upset you or your people or take advantage of your hospitality. You have shown us great kindness.”