“I brought you some coffee.” She held up a thermos as she reached the edge of the dock.
He held up a disposable cup. “I brought you some coffee.”
She smiled. She couldn’t help it. He had to think of her to buy her coffee. That was progress, right?
“Then we should be set for the whole morning.”
She stared at the boat, the sound of the water lapping against it echoing in her ear. She stared at it until the noise of the ocean spiked her heart rate and she struggled to find a breath.
“Here, let me help you in.”
Cody had saved her. He was safe. He knew what he was doing. She was being ridiculous—a baby, really. She wasn’t afraid of water. She never had been. Even after Daniel’s accident, she’d still gone swimming in the ocean. Sometimes without a life vest.
One little brush with death wouldn’t change that. Was there such a thing as a “little” brush with death?
She glanced down at his outstretched hand. He must’ve mistaken her hesitation for an unwillingness to touch him because he moved it away.
“Sorry,” she said, reaching toward him.
He took her by the elbow and helped her in. Under her feet, the boat shifted, and she struggled to steady herself. She fell forward into his thick, hard chest, noticing he didn’t even move.
“You okay?”
She looked up at him and nodded. Were her cheeks flushed? She sure felt like they were. She stepped back and cleared her throat.
“I’m sure you’ve done this before,” he said.
“Yeah.” She moved gingerly toward the center of the boat. “I mean, usually my dad or Eric handled most of the hard work.”
He didn’t respond.
Why did she say that? It wasn’t even exactly true. Eric had always found ways to avoid being the one to man the sails.
Cody cleared his throat. “But you at least know the parts of the boat,” he said. “I mean, if I tell you to go to the stern, you know where to go, right?”
“To the back.” Her stomach turned. Could a person get seasick while still tied to the dock?
“Great.” He untied the boat, and they started moving away from the marina.
Louisa watched as the other boats grew smaller and smaller, saying nothing, trying her very best to keep her nausea in check.
After a few minutes, Cody glanced at her. “Everything all right?”
“Mmm-hmm.” She nodded, perhaps too enthusiastically. It rattled the insides of her head around, and a pain started throbbing at her temples.
“You’re quiet,” he said. “That’s not like you.”
“Are you saying I talk too much?”
“Yes.” He stared at her.
She would’ve smiled if she didn’t feel so sick.
“You look a little green.”
“I’m fine.”
He turned away, focused on the water. “Should we review the parts of the sailboat?”
“Sure,” she squeaked, knowing full well that whatever information he tried to give her in that moment would fall on deaf (and nauseated) ears.
He started with the rudder. “It’s attached to the tiller, here.” He had one hand on it. “Think of the tiller like your boat’s steering wheel.”
That was all she heard before her mind was caught somewhere between the middle of her nightmare and the memory of the angry ocean stealing her breath, turning her over like a child somersaulting down a hill.
She tried to focus on her breathing, but she couldn’t hear herself inhale. Was she still breathing? She reached up around her throat. Why was it so hard to breathe? Her heart raced, and her vision clouded over. She dipped her head down, and the waves were above her. She braced herself for impact, certain she was about to be thrown into the surf, certain there was no way out of it.
“Louisa?”
Through the depths, she heard his voice. It was muffled, though, as if she were listening from underwater.
“Hey, focus on my voice.” A little clearer now but still muffled.
The sound of the waves grew distant.
“Breathe, Lou.” Cody drew in a slow, deep breath, and Louisa mimicked him. Slow, deep breath.
“Count to ten with me,” he said. “Look at me.” He forced her gaze. “Count to ten.”
Slowly he started her off. She did as she was told. She closed her eyes and inhaled, then exhaled, until the pounding in her head began to subside.
Her eyes fluttered open, and she found Cody staring at her. They were close, only a few inches apart, and he was holding her hands.
She was still unsteady, though she was fairly certain her breathing had returned to normal.
“Feel better?”
He’d saved her again. On her own, she certainly would’ve died just now. Okay, maybe not actual death, but she could’ve at least passed out.
“I’m sorry,” she said, inching back. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” One glance at the water, and the oxygen disappeared again.
Cody took her face in his hands. “Focus on me.”
Well, if you insist.
“Have you ever had a panic attack before?”
Louisa shook her head.
“Okay, you’re not dying. You’re fine. I’m going to get us back to the marina.”
He started to turn, but she clung to his arms, unable—or unwilling—to let him go.
He faced her again, kindness in his expression. “This was a bad idea. You should’ve said something.”
“I didn’t know.” Her eyes were wet with fearful tears, and she could only imagine what a disaster she seemed like to him. Her heart had kicked up again.
“Okay,” he said. “This is what we’re going to do. Tell me something you can touch.”
His T-shirt underneath her fingers was soft and worn. “Your shirt.”
“Great. Something else?”
She reached up and touched his chin. “Your skin.” It was smooth, like he’d just shaved that morning.
“Tell me something you hear.”
“Birds.” Her breath began to steady, her pulse to slow. “Seagulls.” She closed her eyes. “An airplane.” It was faint, but it was there.
“What can you smell?”
“Your aftershave.” She opened her eyes and scanned his face, which seemed neither embarrassed nor flattered that it was him she was latching on to in that moment.
“Good. Anything else?”
“Your shampoo.”
“And what do you taste?”
Her eyes fell to his lips, and she wondered if she could tell him what she wanted to taste. “Nothing.”
“Nothing?”
She shook her head. Her pulse and breathing had returned to normal. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize,” he said.
“No.” She looked up. “I’m sorry, Cody.”
It might’ve been the panic of the moment that heightened every single emotion she was having. Every nerve ending in her body seemed on high alert, and there was a good chance Louisa might burst into a ball of flames simply from sitting this close to Cody. Or it might’ve been that she still, after all this time, could easily fall in love with the man who’d stolen her heart all those years ago.