CHAPTER 44
Hank
I stared down at the letter I’d read hundreds of times and read it a hundred and one. It was the one that my mother had left me the night she died. For the first time, I was considering telling my siblings about it. I was trying to look at it through a lens of fresh eyes. I wanted to try and anticipate what they might feel about it when they read it for the first time.
That was hard to do since I knew it by heart and every time I looked at it I felt like the same sad, scared teenager that had found it.
I’d tried to protect them from them knowing, but since they were hell-bent on me speaking to Jerry Samson I really didn’t think I had another choice.
They thought that I was being a dick, or stubborn but the truth was, I just didn’t want them to carry the burden of knowing what I knew. But last night Billy had come over and asked if my wedding present to him would be calling the mechanic.
I knew that I couldn’t shield them from the truth forever. My plan was to get through the wedding and then talk to Jerry before Billy and Reagan got back from their two-week honeymoon.
I hoped I was doing the right thing. There was one person’s advice I’d really like to get, but I hadn’t seen or heard from her since she walked out of the back office seven days ago.
Since I was six years old, when Billy was born, I’d been trying to get to a place where the only person I had to worry about was me.
I finally achieved my goal. And I hated it. It was lonely. Empty. Pointless.
I wondered if this was what celebrities were talking about when they said that fame and money don’t make you happy. They would spend years working toward a goal, I’m sure thinking that they would be happy once they achieved it, only to find out it didn’t fill that empty space in them.
After the wedding, after I spoke to Samson, after I gave her the space that she clearly wanted, I was going to fight for her. I just needed to do it in a way that was respectful of Luna and make sure that it didn’t affect her life at all.
There was a knock at the door and I figured it was Billy. I doubted he had cold feet, but it was the night before his wedding. He hadn’t wanted a bachelor party because he said that he’d done all the bacheloring he wanted to, but I wasn’t surprised that he was stopping by for a beer.
When I opened the door it took my brain a second to catch up to what my eyes were seeing. Skylar was standing on my doorstep.
“Hi.” I managed to say even though I felt my throat tighten with anxiety.
She didn’t look happy. But she also didn’t look upset. Normally, I could tell what she was thinking by looking into her expressive eyes, especially when they were magnified behind her glasses, but I tried and had no idea.
“Hi,” she breathed out. “Can I come in?”
“Of course,” I opened the door and she stepped inside.
“How have you been?”
“Shitty,” I answered honestly.
“I’m sorry. What’s wrong?” she asked.
I thought about telling her that I was miserable without her in my life, but if she was coming over to say that she wanted to be friends I didn’t think that was a fair burden to put on her, so I kept it to myself.
“What’s that?” she asked as she pointed to the lined paper I held in my hand.
I handed her the letter that I’d never shown another soul.
When she took it, she looked down at it, then back up at me. “What is it?”
“It’s a letter my mom left for me the night she died. I found it under my pillow a few days later.”
“Oh,” she tried to hand it back to me.
“I want you to read it. Please.”
Her eyes widened for a split second before she nodded, looked down, and carefully unfolded it.
I explained, “I’ve never told anyone that she left that. No one knows it exists except you and me.”
“What about your brothers and Cheyenne?”
“They were young. Too young to understand.”
After a few moments, her eyes shot up to mine. “Is this a…”
“Suicide note,” I finished.
Her hand clasped over her mouth and tears began to fill her eyes. She looked back down and I watched as she continued to read the note I knew by heart.
To my Literal Man,
I have to go. I’m so sorry. I wish I didn’t have to do this. If there was any other way, I would have found it. But there’s not. This is the only way.
I know this is asking a lot but please look out for your brothers and sister. They are going to need you.
Soon, this will just feel like a bad dream and we will all be together again. I promise!
I’ll see you soon. Please don’t be mad at me.
I love you to the moon and back,
Your Mama
Her eyes lifted to the top of the page and she read it again. Her brow wrinkled.
“What?”
“Nothing, it’s just she says that you’ll be together again.”
“She believed in reincarnation,” I explained.
“Oh…” I could see that she wasn’t sure what to say, and I didn’t blame her. I’d just needed her to read it, so I wasn’t the only person who knew it existed. I already felt lighter now that she’d seen it. I reached out my hand and she gave it back to me.
“Thank you for reading it.”
“Of course!” she enthused.
I wanted to know why she was here but was also scared to ask.
What if she was here to reiterate what she’d said in the office? Or worse, what if she was here to tell me that she was leaving?
“Is everything okay?” I finally manned up and asked.
“Oh,” she shook her head. “Yeah, um, I just got a call from Mr. and Mrs. DiNardo. They said that Richie called them from a treatment center. He told them that you arranged it. And I’m assuming you paid for it too since I know he didn’t have the money and his parents just found out about it today.”
I was quiet, waiting to see if she was mad that I’d interfered in her personal life.
“Did you do that?”
I folded the letter back up and put it in my wallet. “Yes.”
“But…why? You don’t even know us. I mean…you know what I mean.”
I took a deep breath. “I did it for Luna. I grew up with an alcoholic. My old man didn’t want to get help. I looked Richie in his eyes, and asked him if he did, he said yes. I believed him. Maybe he’ll get clean and stay clean, or maybe not. But I could help so I did.”
“So you didn’t take him to the bus stop?”
“I took him to Mrs. B at the boarding house. Her brother had some of the same issues and she knows how to deal with people in addiction. She fed him, had him take a shower, and drove him to a rehab center in Columbus. I know some people that work there and got someone else into the program. It’s good.”
“Tanner Abernathy?”
“What?” I asked.
“Nadia said that you found Tanner passed out behind the bar and you got him into a rehab.”
“How does she know that?” How did anyone other than Mrs. B know that?
I sure as hell hadn’t said anything.
Skylar shrugged. “Thank you for doing what you did for Richie. I’ll pay you back for the—”