I’m not going to look. I’m not going to look. I’m not going to look.
It had worked when I was making breakfast and taking out the trash. But apparently, proximity affected my self-control. As we passed his house, my head turned to the side. It was just in time for me to see his ex lift up on her tiptoes and kiss him. On the mouth.
Luna rolled her window down. “Hi, Mr. Hank!”
In the rearview mirror, I saw the look on his face as he lifted his hand and waved. I tried to see if there was even an ounce of guilt but his expression was blank.
I turned on Radio Disney so Luna would sing. There was no way that I could field any questions right now. Not after what I’d just seen.
Melody had obviously spent the night. She was wearing the same white sweater and jeans I’d seen her sitting on the porch in. Her waist-length hair was pulled up in a ponytail instead of hanging down and I wondered if she’d had to put it up to combat sex head.
As emotions like jealousy and betrayal both stirred inside of me, I tried to remind myself that Hank and I were not together. Just like I’d been telling everyone who asked about us. We’d never had a talk about what we were, which meant we were nothing.
We’d had sex a few times and we were friends. We were friends with benefits. I’d fallen in love with a friend-with-benefits. I was the women that I pitied on reality dating shows. I’d read into all of his behavior and created a mythical future instead of creating emotional boundaries for myself.
I only had myself to blame for the heartbreak I was suffering from, but taking responsibility for my current state didn’t do anything to ease the agonizing disappointment and pain I felt.
As I pulled up to the Opera House where Luna’s art class was hosted, I saw that Mrs. Birch was already waiting for us outside.
“Hello, loves!” She waved as we got out of the car.
“I got a splinter and Mr. Hank was kissing a lady.” Luna quickly got Mrs. Birch up to speed before skipping inside looking for her new friend. “I hope Sienna is here.”
Mrs. Birch’s eyes flew up to me, twinkling with excitement. “So it seems like your date at the drive-in ended well.”
I didn’t even wonder how she knew I’d been to the drive-in. The gossip train had bullet speed in this place.
“It wasn’t me,” I responded using the Shaggy defense. But unlike the pop-reggae hit of the same name, it actually hadn’t been me.
This time, my internal voice inserted.
Right, this time. But several other times, in the not-so-distant past, it had been me, which was why I felt like I’d just been sucker-punched and the wind was knocked out of me.
“But Luna said Hank was kissing someone,” Mrs. Birch clarified as we walked into the historic building.
I’d never been inside before and if I didn’t want to curl up in a fetal position and rock back and forth I would have been awestruck by its ornate vaulted ceilings, intricate metalwork, painted murals, and massive gold-plated dome.
“Who was Hank kissing?” Mrs. Birch asked more directly, snapping me out of my momentary appreciation for the design.
“Oh, um, his ex showed up last night.” As soon as I said it out loud I felt like I’d done something wrong. Like I was adding fuel to the gossip bullet train.
“Melody?!” Mrs. Birch’s voice raised.
“Yeah.”
“Where?”
“She was waiting on his porch when we got back from the movies.” I figured I’d already let the cat out of the bag so there was no point being coy now.
“What is she doing here?” Mrs. Birch questioned.
Good question. “I don’t know.”
“She showed up last night and he kissed her. Just like that?”
“No. I mean I don’t know. What Luna saw happened this morning.”
“This morning? Where?”
“His porch.”
“She stayed the night?”
I shrugged and fought back tears.
Emotions that I had no business feeling began to well up in me. I walked into the room where the art class was being held and took a seat along the back wall. Luna was seated next to Sienna and the two girls were giggling together.
“I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”
I glanced over at Mrs. Birch wondering why she would think I’d be worried about Luna. Sienna seemed like a very sweet girl.
“Hank moved on from her a long time ago.”
Oh, she wasn’t talking about Luna and Sienna. She was talking about Melody.
“And he never looked at her the way he looks at you.”
I wanted to correct her wrong assumption but I didn’t have the energy. I’d barely slept a wink the night before waiting, hoping that he’d let me know what was going on. But that had just been wishful thinking. Why would he? We were friends who had sex a couple of times.
“Hank was a different person after his mama died. He had the weight of the world on his shoulders. He didn’t laugh anymore. Or smile. Or enjoy life.”
Mrs. Birch’s voice cracked and I glanced over at her and saw that she was getting choked up.
“I was sure that our old Hank, the real Hank was gone forever. But since you’ve come to town, he smiles again. He laughs. He enjoys life again. You gave him his smile back.”
As much as I appreciated Mrs. Birch’s attempt at reassurance, I wasn’t naïve enough to pin my expectations or hopes and dreams on a way that someone looked at me, or the fact that they talked more. Or that they smiled.
It was tempting to believe that I had the sort of effect on Hank as people seemed to think I did. Deep down I was a romantic, and being the person that brought someone back to life was an intoxicating idea that I could all too easily get drunk off of.
But that wasn’t reality. The reality was my life was complicated enough without trying to pick petals off a daisy and play he-loves-me-he-loves-me-not.
The facts were the facts. Hank’s ex showed up. She spent the night. He’d kissed her on his front porch.
That was the harsh reality and everything else was just a romanticized version of events.
I was done living in what-ifs and could-bes. I was living in what is. And what I saw this morning was what is.
CHAPTER 42
Hank
I’d tried to be patient but as it turned out when it came to Skylar, I was about as patient as a kid on Christmas morning. I’d texted and called Skylar at least six times today and had gotten no replies.
Melody had been right, I hadn’t fought for her. When she told me she was leaving, I’d let her go. I’d never chased a woman before. Over the years women had come into my life and left just as easily. I was sure that a psychologist would have an opinion on why that was.
But Skylar wasn’t just some woman. She was the woman. She was the only woman I would ever want.
I paced the small back office and looked at my watch again. I’d been there for fifteen minutes, but it felt like an eternity. Since I didn’t want to disrupt Skylar while she was working, I was waiting in the office and asked Cash to send her back when she had a few minutes.
I was just about to text Cash to see what the hold-up was when the door opened.
Skylar walked in and she wasn’t wearing the smile she usually was when she saw me.