He supposed he should go in, if only to confirm in his own mind that she wasn’t about to do anything stupid. In between the incoherent rambling, she’d said she’d been an idiot. That she’d thrown everything away and had nothing left to live for. As much as he wanted to walk away – knew that that was exactly what he should do, since he owed her nothing – he couldn’t. His sister hadn’t threatened to take her own life, she’d simply done it. She’d been just sixteen. Joe would never forget it. His whole world had stopped turning when he’d found her, held her, screamed at her, ‘Please … don’t do this.’ It was too late. He couldn’t breathe life back into her body, couldn’t bring her back, couldn’t help her. He’d failed her. He was her big brother, he should have been there for her, and he hadn’t. That was why he was here now, for selfish reasons, he guessed. He didn’t think he could ever go through that again.
Feeling bad about how he’d left things with Sarah – without a word, basically – he was about to ring her back when she texted him. His heart, which had been sinking steadily since they’d gone to bed last night with a bad atmosphere still between them, plummeted to the pit of his stomach. Could you call me, Joe, please? she’d sent. Desperately in need of advice about Laura. X
He shook his head despondently. She’d signed off with a kiss; he supposed that was something. It wasn’t enough, though, was it? If he was going to have a relationship with her, it had to be all or nothing. When he’d told her about the disaster his marriage had been, which he’d found bloody difficult, he’d thought she would understand why he would need to know she was fully committed. Clearly, she didn’t.
Pocketing his phone with a heavy sigh, he climbed out of the car and made his way into the pub to see what Courtney’s latest game was. Christ, he really was a glutton for punishment. She’d liked the fact that he was reliable; she’d told him that when they’d first gone out. That he wasn’t the type of man who would let a woman down. Yeah, he wasn’t likely to, was he, since it was some bastard letting his little sister down that had screwed her up. He’d told Courtney about it, sharing stuff, as you did early in a relationship. The cynical side of him couldn’t help thinking now that she knew damn well that that was exactly why he tried to be reliable.
He saw her immediately. She was on her feet, waving across the room, looking nothing like the broken woman she’d sounded like on the phone. Going across to her, he noted the figure-hugging lacy black dress. He remembered buying it for her when she’d oohed and aahed over it while they were out shopping. It had cost him an arm and a leg. It also showed off a lot of leg. Her long blonde hair was sleek and freshly shampooed; he noticed that too as she threaded an arm around his neck, dragging him towards her to plant a kiss on his cheek. Her make-up? Not an eyelash out of place. He hadn’t thought there would be. That was Courtney. Swap the dress for jeans and she hadn’t looked much different, despite the crocodile tears, when he’d left.
‘You’re definitely looking good,’ she said, appraising him slowly. ‘Policing obviously suits you. I know the uniform does.’
Seeing the suggestive look in her eyes, Joe laughed wryly. ‘Yeah, you too, Courtney. But then you always do.’
‘Thank you.’ She smiled, missing the facetiousness in his voice, or choosing to. ‘I got you a drink,’ she said, nodding to a pint of beer already on the table. ‘Sit.’ She dropped to the bench seat, patting the space next to her.
Joe hesitated.
‘You are still drinking pints, aren’t you?’ she asked, a flicker of uncertainty in her eyes.
‘Occasionally, but not usually when I’m driving,’ Joe said, wondering whether she’d get the hint. He’d never drunk when they were out together. He’d always been the one doing the driving then – and making sure she made it to the car without falling over. Reaching to slide the pint across the table towards him, he sat opposite her.
She looked marginally perturbed, but Joe doubted anything he said would faze her. She’d always been able to wrap him around her finger, until he’d seen the light. He guessed she was up to something now. The question was, what?
‘So, are you still seeing that woman I saw you with at the pub?’ she asked him.
Joe sipped his drink. Taking his time, he placed the glass back on the table, turned it around, considered his answer. ‘We’re going out together, yes,’ he said, and left it at that. ‘How are things with you and the hotshot advertiser?’
Courtney glanced down, and then looked back at him from under her lengthy eyelashes. ‘They’re not,’ she said, her face hardening. ‘He’s decided to try and make a go of things with his partner.’
Meaning the thrill of illicit sex with Courtney had presumably worn off. Well, well. Had she finally seen him for the wanker he was?
‘Right.’ Joe nodded. He was hardly going to offer his commiserations. ‘And you wanted to see me to tell me this why?’ Maybe she did want to discuss the apartment, looking to sell it possibly? Make a clean start? A penthouse apartment at the junction of the Worcester and Birmingham Canal and the River Severn, it would have gone up a fair whack in value since they’d purchased it. She’d paid the bulk of the deposit, but as he had some equity in it, he supposed they should discuss it, though he would much rather have done that by email or over the phone.
Her gaze flicked away again. ‘I just wondered how you were doing.’ She shrugged, her sharp blue eyes tinged with sadness as they came back to his.
‘Fine, as it happens.’ Joe picked up a table mat, twirling it between his thumb and forefinger as he studied her. Where was this going?
She nodded slowly and took a breath. Then she reached out, catching him by surprise and taking his hand. ‘I never stopped loving you, Joe,’ she said, locking her gaze meaningfully on his. ‘What happened … it was a mistake. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I lost my way. Lost sight of what mattered.’
Ah, now he got it. He would have laughed, had it not been so bloody unfunny. He was the rebound guy. Again. ‘That would explain it,’ he said. ‘I suppose you must have been struggling a bit.’
Knitting her perfectly shaped eyebrows, Courtney looked at him curiously.
‘To see the sat nav,’ Joe added acerbically. ‘Bent over the bonnet of his car as you were.’ Stamping down the anger that still simmered inside him every time he thought about it, he kept his gaze locked hard on hers.
‘Joe … don’t.’ She snatched her hand back, her eyes swivelling to the side – lest the people on the next table overhear, presumably. ‘That’s just crude.’
‘Funny, that. That’s exactly what I thought.’ He took a swig from his pint and got to his feet. ‘Sorry,’ he said, with a tight smile. ‘I have to go. My girlfriend’s expecting me.’
‘Joe?’ Courtney’s tone was a mixture of astonished and bewildered as he walked away. He supposed it would be. He’d practically begged her to stop meeting the guy before they’d split. He really hadn’t seen her for what she was: a woman who was full of herself, sure of herself; a user.
He was out of the door, heading back to his car, the sudden torrential downpour doing nothing to lighten his mood, when he heard her behind him. ‘I was pregnant!’ she yelled. ‘When you walked out, I was pregnant!’