‘Was there something you wanted to tell me, Joe?’ She avoided answering his question, thus, she hoped, stopping her heart from breaking more than it already was. ‘It’s just that I have a lot on at the moment.’
‘I know. I should have been more supportive,’ he said, his tone full of contrition. ‘I’m thinking you won’t want to hear my apologies either, but I’d at least like to say I’m sorry for not backing you up.’
Sarah’s throat tightened. ‘You were texting about Laura,’ she said, the wobble in her voice belying her attempt at indifference.
‘Right.’ Joe’s tone was flat. ‘Yes, I was. I checked out the FB page. Obviously I have no grounds to approach them to release information, but the guy in the wedding photograph, his name’s Christopher Jameson. I ran a standard criminal records check. He has a caution. I can’t say what for – nothing dodgy,’ he added hastily, no doubt guessing she might worry about it. ‘Anyway, I have his address. Also a phone number.’
Finally he was supporting her, and Sarah had no idea how to feel. It couldn’t unbreak her heart, could it? ‘That’s helpful,’ she said awkwardly. ‘Thank you.’
‘I could call around and see him if you like?’ he offered. ‘Not in an official capacity, but I might be able to persuade him to answer a few questions unofficially.’
She was tempted, but she actually thought that might still seem too official. ‘No. Thanks, but I think I’d rather call him myself. Play it low-key, you know? Say I’m a friend or something and try to do a little fishing.’
‘Probably a good idea,’ he said.
‘I’d better go. I have some things to do.’ Sarah made her excuses, not wanting to prolong the call. She didn’t think she could deal with anything emotive right now.
‘Okay.’ Joe blew out a breath, and then, ‘About Steve,’ he said quickly. ‘You mentioned you were going to see him. I was a bit concerned after hearing the argument you two had. I’d like to offer to come with you, if—’
‘It’s fine.’ Sarah stopped him. Did he realise how painful this strained conversation was? ‘I’ve already spoken to him. I think he’s accepted that I’m not waging some vendetta against Laura out of jealousy.’
She hadn’t been going to say that, but then why shouldn’t she? Joe clearly had thought it. Would that have been his excuse for going to see his ex-wife, she wondered, where the door was clearly still open?
‘Right. Good.’ He sounded awkward now.
As he should, she thought, with some small satisfaction. It wouldn’t make much difference now, but at least he’d known he was wrong. ‘Laura’s mother was there, at the house,’ she said, debating whether to tell him more. She should, she decided. He’d offered to help, and she shouldn’t let wounded pride stop her asking for it if she needed to. ‘You remember I told you they didn’t get on?’
‘I do. And?’ Joe asked. There was no weary tone to his voice this time. He was taking her seriously. Well, what she had to say anyway, if not their relationship.
‘There’s a reason they don’t,’ she went on. ‘Her mother had another child, a little boy. He went missing, years ago. It obviously put a massive strain on their relationship.’
‘Christ.’ Joe sounded winded. ‘How? When? I didn’t find anything online.’
He had checked then? He clearly was taking her seriously. Pity he hadn’t before. But would it really have made any difference? Seeing his ex-wife for some plausible reason she could have accepted. But being with her while she was getting ready to take a bath? Never even mentioning he had been in contact with her, which he must have been, since they were clearly so intimate? There were no plausible excuses for that. ‘Try checking under the name Caldwell,’ she said, working to dismiss the image of the two of them in the bathroom together, but not quite managing to. ‘Laura changed her name, possibly to escape her past. It could explain a few things.’
‘I’ll look into it,’ he said. ‘See if there’s anything that’s not general knowledge on file.’
‘Okay. Thanks, Joe.’ She fell quiet. She didn’t know what else to say. What they had to say to each other. More, what he might say that wouldn’t hurt. ‘I, um, should go. I—’
‘Have things to do, I know,’ Joe finished quietly. ‘I’m sorry, Sarah.’
For what? She swallowed hard. That he was breaking her heart? That they were over? That he was sleeping with his ex?
‘She really was upset,’ he went on. ‘I wouldn’t have been with her for any other reason than that, I promise you.’
I don’t want to hear it. Sarah squeezed her eyes closed. ‘Why?’ she asked, and cursed herself. His explanation would be feeble. The woman hadn’t been asking him to pop the kettle on. How pathetic was she for desperately willing it not to be?
He hesitated. ‘She was pregnant,’ he said, shocking her. ‘When I left, she was pregnant. She lost the baby – at six months, she says. It was mine, apparently.’
Oh God, no. Sarah’s heart constricted. She’d lost a baby at just three months, but she knew how unbearably painful such a loss was, the deep, desolate loneliness, the grief exacerbated by the complete silence you were met with when you returned home empty-handed. Her own devastation had been compounded because she and Steve were already so far apart. Ollie had filled the silence with his childish chatter, but still she’d felt fractured, as if part of her were missing. But … wasn’t his wife with someone else? Surely he would have been there for her?
‘She’s split up with the guy she was seeing.’ Joe answered the question she hadn’t asked. ‘She hasn’t been looking after herself. She’s been ill, grieving; depressed, I suspect. She had a post-surgical infection after removal of a retained placenta. It seems it’s resistant to the antibiotics she’s been taking. Her doctor has given her stronger tablets. She should be okay, although the antibiotics themselves might have side effects. I … just needed you to know.’
Because he was grieving too? She knew him well enough to know that he would be.
‘There’s no going back for us. Even if the child had …’ He stopped, and Sarah heard his sharp intake of breath. ‘I couldn’t just walk away, Sarah. I probably should have done, but …’
She felt her heart bleed for him. For his ex-wife too, though given the way the woman had treated him, she couldn’t help wondering why she’d sought Joe out to tell him all this now.
Twenty-Eight
Sarah’s heart banged against her chest as she waited for the call to be answered. It was a landline. He might not even be there. She was about give up when someone picked up.
‘Christopher Jameson,’ the man said.
Sarah took a deep breath. ‘Hi.’ She forced a breezy tone. ‘You don’t know me, but I’m a friend of Laura Collins, and I was wondering—’
‘She doesn’t live here,’ he cut across her tersely. ‘Please don’t call again. I have no wish to discuss her or anything about her.’