Joe looked away.
‘You’re right, it’s a ludicrous idea.’ She laughed, but he could hear the hurt in her voice. ‘I thought I’d ask anyway, though, just in case … you know …’
‘Courtney …’ Joe struggled for something diplomatic to say. Telling her he simply didn’t love her, that he couldn’t envisage being with her any more than he could bringing a child into the world without being a hands-on father, would be too hurtful after all she’d just been through. ‘I’ve changed too,’ he opted for. ‘I’m …’
‘Seeing someone,’ she finished, a fatalistic edge to her tone.
He nodded. She knew he was.
‘The woman at the pub,’ she said reflectively. ‘Do you love her?’
‘Yes, I think I do,’ he replied honestly. He wished he’d told Sarah he did, that he hadn’t been such an unsympathetic idiot, jealous himself because he couldn’t seem to have a straightforward relationship without Steve stuck in the middle of it.
‘I should have a word with her, tell her you’re worth holding on to,’ Courtney said, with a hint of irony. ‘We should go. We’re taking up a car parking space. If you’re still on for lunch, that is? Don’t worry, I won’t try to take advantage and have my wicked way with you,’ she added jokingly as Joe wavered.
Wiping at her cheeks, she reached for her bag from the footwell. ‘Damn, no tissues,’ she cursed, delving into it.
Joe opened the glove box, extracting the wipes he kept in there and handing them to her.
‘Baby wipes?’ She glanced curiously from the packet to him.
‘For Sarah’s son. She keeps them there for emergencies,’ he explained awkwardly.
‘Ah.’ Courtney nodded. ‘The little boy you were playing football with. Do you love her enough to take him on, Joe? For the rest of his life, I mean. I don’t suppose it will be easy.’
‘I’m not imagining it will be, but yes, yes, I do.’ He wasn’t his biological father, but he’d grown to love Ollie too, he realised, if missing him every time he saw a family out with their kids was any indication. He’d been on a call-out yesterday, a domestic. There was a boy around Ollie’s age on the premises. Joe’s heart had ached for the kid, who’d been cowering in the kitchen, scared witless. It ached now at the thought of not seeing Ollie again.
‘Good,’ Courtney responded shortly. ‘We should go,’ she repeated.
Burying a sigh, Joe started the engine. Lunch wasn’t going to be easy either, he suspected, given the conversation they’d just had.
He’d driven a short way when his phone rang. His heart sank as Sarah’s name flashed up on his hands-free. He’d been waiting for her to call him back. He’d looked into Jacob Caldwell’s case and left her a message. He hadn’t come up with anything much, apart from the fact that the family were initially suspected of having something to do with his disappearance. That was fairly standard in such cases. The investigation had switched from missing person to possible death by accident when a small footprint had been found. The child had wandered out of the house, they’d concluded. Joe’s gut had turned over when he’d imagined him out on his own in the pitch black of the night. He must have been petrified. He’d wanted to talk it through with Sarah. Wanted very much for her to know that he was on her side; to tell her again how sorry he was. And now she was phoning while he was sitting right next to his ex-wife. Talk about bad timing.
‘I’ll call her back,’ he said, guessing that Courtney would have gathered who it was.
‘No, don’t mind me. She’ll only wonder if you don’t answer. At least tell her you’ll get back to her,’ she urged him.
Joe hesitated for a second; then, not wanting Sarah to wonder why he wasn’t answering when he wasn’t on duty, accepted the call. ‘Hi, Sarah,’ he said. ‘How’s things?’
‘Reasonable,’ she replied vaguely. ‘I’ve just teamed a dog up with what looks like a perfect potential owner, so that’s brightened my day.’
‘Excellent. Here’s hoping it works out.’ Joe was pleased for her. Her job meant a lot to her. She was a kind person, no side to her other than the one he’d imagined.
‘I spoke to Steve about Laura last night,’ she went on. ‘Can you talk at the moment?’
‘Er, now’s not a good time,’ he responded.
‘Oh. Are you on days now?’ she asked.
‘No.’ Joe took a breath. He was reluctant to tell her why he couldn’t talk, but he couldn’t lie either. ‘I’ve just collected Courtney from the hospital,’ he said, hoping she didn’t pick up on the guilt he could hear in his voice.
Plainly she did. ‘Oh,’ she replied after a pause, a short, flat ‘oh’ this time. ‘I see. Is she all right?’
Unsure what to say, he glanced at Courtney, who shook her head, indicating that she didn’t want him disclosing details. ‘She’s doing okay. It’s a bit difficult to talk, though. I’m driving. Can I call you back later?’
‘Yes, no problem,’ Sarah assured him. ‘I might be busy, but you can try,’ she added – pointedly? Joe wondered. ‘I’m glad your wife is all right. Give her my best. Bye, Joe.’
His heart sank another inch. Did that goodbye sound final?
‘There, that was better than ignoring her, wasn’t it?’ Courtney offered.
Yeah. He ran a hand over his neck. Somehow, he didn’t think so.
‘She sounds nice. Caring,’ Courtney observed.
Glancing at her again, Joe noted that she was smiling. There’d been something in her tone, though. Wistfulness? He felt bad for her, but surely she must see that there could be no going back. She’d almost destroyed him. She’d had no qualms at the time. She seemed vulnerable now – clearly she would be – but he couldn’t imagine she’d changed fundamentally.
Thirty-Three
Laura
Laura was halfway downstairs with armfuls of the decorating paraphernalia she still had to clear away after decorating Ollie’s room as a birthday surprise when she heard her mother’s unmistakable tones coming from the lounge. Oh no. Squeezing her eyes closed, she gripped the handrail hard. It was the day of his party and she’d been up since the crack of dawn. Despite taking a day off work yesterday, she still had so much to do – she was desperate for everything to be perfect – and Steve had let in the last person on earth she wanted to see without asking her. He’d been lovely when she’d been upset, so caring. What was his thinking here, though? He knew how impossible Sherry was, how pushy; that Laura didn’t get on with her and never would, no matter how hard he tried to facilitate a mother-and-daughter reunion. In Laura’s eyes, her mother had died the day Jacob had disappeared.
Gritting her teeth, she carried on down and went through to the kitchen to dump her stuff in the utility room. ‘Shit!’ Realising she’d spilled wallpaper paste on the draining board, she cursed out loud and whirled around to head for the lounge. She really wished Steve would stop interfering. There was too much at stake. He would put Ollie at risk, couldn’t he see that? But of course he couldn’t see. How could he … unless she told him?