Every sinew in her body tensing, she braced herself to push the lounge door open, and then froze as she heard Steve’s puzzled voice. ‘But surely she would benefit from some kind of therapy?’ he was asking, as if Sherry had ever considered anything that wasn’t beneficial to herself.
It’s not his fault. Laura cautioned herself to stay calm and not lose it with him. He was concerned about her, that was all. She’d had another sleepwalking episode the night before last. He was bound to be worried, but broaching this subject was dangerous. Her mother couldn’t have her talking, recalling. Her hope was that she never would.
‘But she’s had therapy,’ Sherry replied, an impatient edge to her voice. ‘I’m her mother, Steven. Don’t you think I would have sought all the help for her that I could?’
Steve sighed heavily. ‘Yes, of course. It’s just … that was a while ago, wasn’t it? I can’t help thinking that something like, I don’t know, hypnotherapy maybe, might help her. At least to understand why she blames you.’
‘Because she needed someone to blame,’ her mother retorted, her voice loaded with obvious agitation. ‘She still does. This is why she’s so awful to me – and I understand that. I accept it and I’ll always be there for her, no matter how angry she is with me.’ She paused, and Laura imagined her eyes filling up. False tears. It was all false. If Steve looked hard enough, he would see right through her.
‘I’m sorry,’ Sherry went on, her tone more subdued, ‘but I honestly don’t think hypnotherapy will help her. God knows, I’d be the first to suggest it if I thought it would, but as amnesia is a known symptom of sleepwalking, I simply don’t see how it could.’
‘But it might,’ Steve tried. ‘Don’t you think it might help her to—’
‘What? Regress?’ Sherry cut stridently across him. ‘If you’d seen her after the terrible tragedy that befell all of us, Steven, revisiting it would be the last thing you would want for her. And what about if her memories are distorted? Have you thought about the damage that might do? There is such a thing as false memory syndrome, you know, which – as you seem to have researched her condition – I’m sure you will be aware of. No. I won’t have it. It could be positively dangerous. Laura is a delicate, confused individual. Her mind’s too fragile.’
Enough. Laura shoved the door open. Did either of them consider that she even had a mind? What was she, invisible? She had no doubt her mother wished she was. That the daughter she claimed to care for would just disappear too.
‘Ah, Laura darling.’ Sherry shot her a brittle smile. ‘We were just talking about you. I was saying to Steven what a splendid job you’ve done with the bunting.’ She glanced towards the patio doors. ‘It all looks very jolly out there.’
Bullshit. She was full of it. ‘Were you?’ Laura looked accusingly from her mother to Steve, who glanced awkwardly away. ‘And now you’ve finished talking about me, are you ssstaying …’ She stopped, a combination of disbelief and fury mounting inside her as her lips jammed.
Sherry blinked sympathetically at her, which only incensed her further. Every time she was around her mother, her stress levels shot through the roof and her stutter resurfaced. The best therapy for her, she would quite like to tell Steve, would be for her fucking mother to disappear.
‘I thought I would stay now I’m here.’ Sherry smiled beatifically. ‘Help out if I can. As long as that’s all right with you, of course, darling?’
Laura heard the hidden message: You could tell me to go, which I know you desperately want to, but then dear naïve Steve will witness first-hand your attempts to thwart my efforts to reach out to you, won’t he? The woman was poisonous, deadly; seeping back into her life, her tentacles creeping out ready to smother her. Her chest tightened as she saw the challenge in her mother’s eyes. She couldn’t breathe. She could never breathe around her.
‘Laura?’ Steve said curiously as she spun around again, heading back to the hall.
Coming after her, as she’d guessed he would and wished he wouldn’t – she was so angry with him right now – he placed a hand gently on her back as Laura held onto the newel post at the bottom of the stairs and attempted to pull air into her lungs. ‘Are you okay?’
‘Yes, fine,’ she snapped, shrugging him off.
Clearly taken aback, Steve furrowed his brow as she turned to glare at him.
‘What were you doing, inviting her in without asking me?’ she hissed. ‘Discussing me with her behind my back? Don’t ever do that again, Steve. And never, ever lie to me! Do you hear me?’
He stared at her, shocked. ‘Loud and clear,’ he said after a moment, and then, disappointment clouding his features, he shook his head sadly and walked away.
Thirty-Four
Sarah
Refusing to think about Joe and why he was so heavily involved in his ex-wife’s life, Sarah tried to carry on as normal; tried very hard not to constantly check her phone to see if he’d contacted her. He hadn’t. But then she’d been so confused and angry after finding he was with his wife again, she’d ignored the spate of calls and texts he’d sent.
Forget him, she told herself, fixing a bright smile in place as she unbuckled Ollie from his car seat. She hadn’t got time for these childish games. She felt a moment’s fleeting guilt that she might be the one who was behaving childishly, but dismissed it. She could have accepted him being with his wife that first time – although it had required a certain amount of generosity on her part to understand why he was there while she was taking a bath. His glibly telling her he was with her a second time, though … Collecting her from the hospital, she reminded herself, with yet another stab of guilt. Had he been telling the truth? Had everything his ex-wife had told him been the truth? Sarah couldn’t know, but she was beginning to wonder. What she did know – which Joe appeared oblivious to – was that his ex was clearly angling to get back with him. No doubt he would tell her she was getting things out of perspective if she voiced that particular concern. Perhaps she was. She wasn’t sure she could trust her own instincts any more. She needed to stop doing this, trying to analyse everyone and everything, getting things wrong, it seemed. She needed to get on with her life instead, and let Joe do whatever he wanted to do with his. She had a child to care for. A child who might pick up on her maudlin mood if she moped about, which would make him miserable too.
‘Out we come,’ she said, lifting him from the car.
‘Is Joe coming to my party?’ Ollie asked as she steadied him on the pavement.
Sarah’s heart plummeted. He’d clearly bonded with him. She’d thought Joe had bonded with Ollie. She suspected that was what hurt most of all: that he’d turned out to be the sort of man who would let a child down. She’d left him a message about the party, but he hadn’t got back to her. Clearly he was otherwise engaged. ‘No, sweetheart.’ She took hold of Ollie’s hand and gave it a squeeze. ‘He’s on duty today, remember? I told you.’
‘Catching baddies.’ Ollie nodded, satisfied, and, charging ahead of her, tugged her on towards Steve and Laura’s house.