“Just a few.” She sucks her lips into her mouth, trying not to laugh.
“Lies.” I laugh, taking Sev in my arms. Camdyn is sitting on Kacy’s lap, her hair braided. “How many did you eat?”
She grabs my face in her hands, squeezing. “All of thems!” And then she laughs manically. I’m certain sugar is the devil’s drug of choice for children.
This goes on for close to an hour. Me telling them over and over again it’s time for bed and them ignoring me. Kacy is absolutely no help.
“Hey!” Sev yells, continuing to jump. “I’s takin’ to yous.”
I bring my face closer to hers. “I hear ya, little girl.”
“Then answers me.”
“What?”
She grins. “You stink!”
I tell her this all the time. It’s a joke between us. I widen my eyes, as if I’m offended. “I don’t stink. You do.” I grab Sev by her waist and haul her over my head. When she squirms, I slam her down gently on the couch between Kacy and me. Her laughter rings through the house and then I’m tackled by Camdyn.
“Okay, it’s time for bed.” They’ve been ready for two hours. Bathed. Teeth brushed, but they’re stalling.
“Why?” Camdyn whines, sliding off Kacy’s lap.
I try to smile, but it’s a half-assed effort. “Because if you don’t, Santa’s gonna start drinking, and he might forget to come to your house.”
Camdyn frowns, her eyes darting from mine to Kacy and then back again. “Santa drinks?”
“He has little elves. Of course he drinks. Now go to bed.”
Kacy starts laughing beside me. I shoot her a playful glare.
“Are y’all lyin’?” Camdyn asks, looking to Kacy.
“It’s true,” Kacy manages to say.
Camdyn grabs Sev’s hand. “Come on, let’s go to bed.”
Sev digs her pajama bottoms from her butt, looking over at Camdyn. “I hope Santa lets us keep our mom.”
“Me too,” Camdyn agrees, smiling at me.
I’m not sure Kacy hears it, because she’s not looking at the kids, but I do. They want to keep Kacy, and I can’t blame them. I want to as well, but I’m not sure how that’s going to play out. I’m not mad that she didn’t tell me the connection she had to Tara. I was, but it’s not like she kept it from me to be vindictive. I believe her when she said she didn’t come looking for me, but the reality is, she’s twenty-one. It didn’t hit me until today that her staying might be good for me and bad for Kacy. I don’t want her to stay because I want her to, but because she wants to. If that makes sense. Which it doesn’t, entirely. All I know is my heart gets pissed off when I think about it.
When the girls disappear down the hall, Kacy smiles. “You’re amazing with them.”
I stare at the tree with the ornaments all placed on one section where the kids could reach. I think about how many Christmas’s I’ve shared with them. Every one has been a bit different, but this one is my favorite because I finally feel like I’ve given them something worth remembering.
“They’re so excited,” Kacy notes. “And you’re amazing with them. Most men wouldn’t do all the things you’re doing.”
“I couldn’t imagine my life without them in it,” I tell her, leaning my head back against the couch, the fire crackling in front of us. “I never wanted to be a dad at eighteen, but I was, and I did what I had to do to make sure they knew they were my priority. My only concern. And Tara… I don’t know….” I sigh, unsure where I’m going with my admittance. Though I really don’t know Kacy, there’s still that sense of easiness I’ve always had around her. Like I can tell her anything, and she’ll listen. “She brought up all these feelings I thought I’d buried a long time ago.”
“Like you have feelings for her?”
“No, not like that. Not anymore. It’s more…. Fuck. I need a drink.” I stand up, retrieve the Southern Comfort I’ve been drinking for the last couple of nights and take a seat back where I’d been sitting beside her. I offer Kacy a drink, which she takes and then hands the bottle back to me. “What pisses me off about her showing up is bringing up my abandonment issues,” I tell her, flat out.
Her eyes twinkle with a grin. “You know, it takes a hell of a confident, sexy man to admit he has abandonment issues.”
“Hmmm.” I drawl out, winking. “I like where this is heading.”
It doesn’t head where I’m hoping it will because her eyes soften. She swallows, nervously chewing on her bottom lip. “I’m still really sorry about how this all played out.”
I lift the Southern Comfort in my hand to my lips. “I know you are. I was angry you didn’t tell me, but I think if I had been in your position, I’m not sure I would have said anything either.”
She smiles, resting her chin on her knee she’s pulled up on the couch. “You know what else I’m sorry about?”
“What?”
“Egg nog.” She snorts, taking the bottle from me. “Morgan gave me egg nog and whiskey. Me being, well, me, I threw that bitch back like it was straight whiskey. I don’t know how anyone likes egg nog. I feel like I swallowed an elf’s cum.”
I lean my head back against the couch, laughing as she scoots closer. Wrapping my arm around her, I whisper in her ear, “Mine probably tastes better. I’m sure of it.”
“Oh, definitely.” With her head on my chest, she breathes out slowly. “Barron?”
“Yeah?” My heart beats a little faster. I never know what this girl is going to say next.
“I know I said it, but I never meant to hurt you. I should have told you sooner.”
That shitty feeling returns. The one I fight so hard to ignore. “You didn’t hurt me, Kacy. I don’t feel used. I just, I don’t know. I worry about them.”
“You have every right to worry about them. They’re your daughters.”
“I’m afraid of what’s going to happen when you leave.”
She lifts her head, the firelight reflecting the agony in her eyes, probably because I said “when you leave.” Like this wasn’t a choice for her any longer. Is it? Do I want her to leave? She crashed into my life so suddenly, I hadn’t prepared myself for what falling for someone would feel like for me or my girls. Now it’s left me completely devastated in some ways. Not because of the lie, but because of the reminder of how temporary it can be.
“My favorite part was that you didn’t know me. You didn’t know the drama, the rumors, any of it,” I admit, opening myself up to her. “You crashed into my life and didn’t know me. Or at least I thought it was that way.”
“That was my favorite part, too, because I felt the exact same way. You didn’t know me or my family. I was just a girl.”
We stare at the fire in silence, breathing easy. I might not know what the next few days will bring, but I’m glad this girl is with me. “Who hates egg nog?” I add, trying to draw some humor into it.
A gift I didn’t see coming.