Greedy, hungry for acceptance, I wormed myself into their lives without so much thought of what it would mean to leave it. And now that I’m leaving, I can’t help but think it’s for the wrong reasons.
My heart begs him to stop me, but as the taste of him fades on my lips, he doesn’t.
Should I follow her?
BARRON
I exhale a long breath and watch the cloud of dust behind her car. What in the motherfucking hell was I thinking? What was I going to do? Beg her to stay? I won’t do that, not to her. She’s too young and hasn’t experienced anything outside of California. And if I beg her to stay and it’s not what she wants, I’m that guy again, trapping a girl who doesn’t want to be.
So I let her leave, regardless of how much it hurts inside.
Inside the house, I want to collapse to my knees. It’s worse than when I found Tara’s ring on the nightstand. I allowed Kacy in, and it hurt that much more letting her leave. I expect to have relief that she’s gone, no more impending doom of her doing so, but that doesn’t come either.
I’m only met with a familiar void. Love doesn’t stay. It was always going to end. That’s how it works.
I find Sev at the counter, a butter knife in hand and nearly everything from the fridge on the island. “What are you doing?”
“I makes you and us a sandwich,” she says, shrugging and licking the butter knife before sticking it back in the yogurt.
I look around the room, noticing it’s just me and her. “Here,” she says, handing me a mutilated piece of bread. “Oh, wash yous hands.”
I do as she says, smiling at her. Picking up the sandwich, I stare at it. “Thank you. What’s on it?”
“Yogurt and turkey.”
“Yum.” It’s not horrible, but I wouldn’t intentionally eat it if a three-year-old hadn’t given it to me.
After the sandwich, she tries to pour herself some juice. “Can I help you with that?”
“No.” She grunts, lifting the container up and trying to line it up with the cup. “I gots it.”
I know exactly what’s going to happen, but I don’t have the energy to get up and do something about it. So I let her try.
Like I expect, she overfills the cup and drops the juice container on the counter. I watch as it spills off the counter and onto the floor.
Still, I do nothing to stop it.
Camdyn comes into the kitchen, anger in her stomping steps and looking like she’s going to murder my ass. I’m at the top of her shit list for sure. She’s also wearing a crop top and booty shorts that piss me off. I’ll have to conveniently lose that entire outfit in the washing machine. I also need to have a talk with Aunt Tilly about taking my kid shopping and buying her this crap.
“What?” I ask defensively after she’s been glaring at me for a good five minutes. I’m not in the mood to have this conversation with my five-year-old, but I knew it was coming.
“Why did you lets Kacy leave? The prince always saves the girl.”
“Girls not need stinky boys,” Sev tells her, trying to clean up the juice by sitting on it and leaning forward to drink what spilled off the counter like a dog.
She ignores her sister and focuses all her anger on me.
I rub the back of my neck, unsure how I want to word this. “I didn’t make her leave, Camdyn,” I say flatly, trying to eat the sandwich Sev made me, but even she’s looking at it like she wants to throw up. “I can’t make her stay either.”
Camdyn makes a disgusted sound, and if a grunt could say you’re an idiot, this one does. I’m mentally preparing myself to hear a lot when she gets to be a teenager. “Why not?”
“Because that’s not fair to her.”
Before she can lay into me with the “why” question every five seconds, Morgan walks through the front door. He glances around, sensing the awkwardness, and then shakes his head before reaching for a towel to clean up the juice I’ve been neglecting. “You let her leave?”
Camdyn sighs, walking away. “He’s a dummy.”
Sev, who’s sitting on the counter still, wearing a black crown sideways on her head, hands Morgan her sandwich she’s taken one bite out of. “I makes ya some food.”
He smiles, takes a bite, and then hands it back to her, choking it down. “What is that?”
“I not knows, but it’s yuck.” She climbs down from the counter. “I gots a go.”
Morgan watches her leave and then looks at me. “Where’s she going?”
“Probably to make a potion to kill me later and bring back Kacy,” I mumble, resting my elbows on the counter and pulling at my hair. “They like her more than me.”
He snorts, setting the soaked towel in the sink. “I like her more than I like you.”
“Nice.” I grunt, ready to hit my head against the concrete counter in hopes it will knock me out, and I won’t have to feel this unbearable stabbing sensation in my heart and stomach.
“So, why’d you let her leave?” he asks, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Why are you here?”
He regards me silently for a few minutes. Morgan knows me better than anyone. He also knows why I let her leave. “It had to happen.”
“Had to happen?” He snorts. “The fuck it did. That’s like saying me fucking Lillian had to happen.”
I stare at him, wondering where he’s going with this.
He’s quiet for a second before his thoughts contort his expression. He relaxes and unfolds his arms, his palms flat on the counter as he leans in. “I told myself not to touch Lil. I did. But then I realized I was never meant to be with Carly. She knew it too. Now she’s pregnant with some other dude’s baby, and I’m left with the realization that what I wanted had been right in front of me the entire time. So I’m taking my chance with Lil because I can’t stand to be away from her anymore. I ain’t been through the shit you’ve been through, and I know y’alls shit cut ya pretty deep. But Kacy—” He pauses, shaking his head. There’s determination in his voice, like he’s trying to convince me to take him seriously. “That girl was meant to be. You never looked at Tara that way.”
He’s right. I didn’t. I close my eyes, wishing he’d leave so I won’t have to face reality any longer. I want to curl up next to a bottle of whiskey, and that pisses me off even more because it reminds me of Kacy.
He hits my elbow, and I look up at him. “I know you think you can’t keep love, but I’m going to let you in on some older-brother wisdom. You can. The only person keeping you from trusting the love you feel for Kacy is you. The way I see it, if you don’t let yourself see what’s standing right in front of you out of fear of history repeating itself, it’s the same as Tara winning. She left, never looked back, and moved on. You’re still in the same place as you were three years ago, spinning your wheels, afraid to put it in drive.”
I draw in a breath, knowing he’s right. I was afraid to show Kacy my scars. It doesn’t change the fact that I can’t ask her to stay. I won’t do that to her.