I hated that she was right. “But what about Jace? Maybe I was wrong when I chose to keep the pregnancy from Nash, but that was my mistake. Jace should not have to pay for that mistake.”
“Why do you think he’s going to pay? Why not flip it around and think about what he gains? He gets a dad. A real living and breathing dad. You’ve been struggling with the idea of him not having a male figure in his life. Here’s the male figure. They already get along so well. Why not let them grow closer?”
I winced. It actually gave me physical pain to think of Jace being hurt by Nash. “I know I have to do something, but dammit, I swear if he hurts my son, I’ll kill him.”
“Jace has you. He will always have you. As much as we want to protect our babies, they have to stumble sometimes too. That’s why we are here.”
“Should I tell Jace?” I asked.
She wrinkled her nose. “I think that’s something you might want to hold back for now. You and Nash have a lot to work out. There’s no reason to bring Jace into the messy stuff yet.”
I blew out a breath. “I have felt this tightness in my chest since it happened. Really since the diner incident. Now that it’s all out in the open, I feel better and yet worse at the same time.”
“Why worse?”
I had to blink back tears. “I hurt him, Joss. I really hurt him.”
She reached out and grabbed my hand. “You didn’t mean to hurt him. I know that. You are not that kind of a person.”
“I never thought he would be hurt by this,” I said. “I kept replaying his last words to me when he left. I convinced myself he would not be hurt. I was certain he would be relieved. I even felt a little guilty for getting pregnant.”
“Why would you feel guilty?”
“Because I was supposed to be on the pill. I got so busy at work, I forgot to take it a few days. Apparently, that’s all it took to get me knocked up.”
She laughed. “He’s a virile man.”
“Yeah, he is.”
“Better make sure you’re staying up on that birth control this time,” she teased.
“Trust me, I’m not missing a single dose.”
“Do you want me to watch Jace so you can talk to him? I think this is a conversation you want to have without him within earshot.”
“I’m going to give him some space. Like you said, he has to get through the shock.”
“Are you hoping he will just go away?”
I grimaced. “Um, kind of.”
“I guess if he does choose to walk away from this, then you don’t have to worry about the fallout.”
“Deep down, I don’t think he will walk away,” I said. “From what I’ve learned about him in the last few weeks, he’s not the same guy he was back then.”
“None of us are the same person we were nine years ago.”
“I know,” I said. “I just feel like I’m making all the wrong decisions. This last year has been hard on Jace. Last night, I just kept thinking it was me that made the choice to allow him to be miserable. I could have changed his life by simply telling him he had a father.”
“Again, I think this has been a learning experience for him,” she said with a smile. “Look how confident he is now. Caitlyn thinks he walks on water.”
“That’s so cute,” I said. “I do love the change in him. I just have to keep him from becoming a little Mike Tyson. I will ground him if he dares punch anyone else.”
“I think he has a big soft heart. He’s not a scrappy kid, but it’s a good thing he can stand up for himself. That deserves respect.”
“You’re making me feel guilty,” I told her.
“I’m not trying to.”
“Give me your honest opinion,” I said. “Do I invite him into Jace’s life with no restrictions?”
“Do you think he’ll want it?”
“I don’t know. I’m leaning toward yes, but I’m also concerned that it’s yes right now until the next shiny thing comes along.”
She nodded. “I get that. It is scary but you’ll be there. What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.”
I rolled my eyes. “I hate that saying.”
She laughed. “Sorry, but you’ve already been through a lot and you’re still kicking ass. This is just another challenge.”
“Full disclosure,” I said. “I’m hiding.”
“You’re not doing a very good job of it,” she said dryly.
“I mean, I’m hiding here because I don’t want to be at home. I don’t want him to come by when Jace is there.”
“Ah, hiding. I see. I feel used.”
“Sorry, but you’re the only friend I have, so I have to be here. The park isn’t safe. I can’t take him to McDonald’s. He doesn’t know where you live.”
“I feel privileged to be your only choice.”
We talked a bit more before I decided I had been hiding long enough. Nash had not called or texted. I didn’t need to hide. He wasn’t going to try and reach out. “Thanks for the wakeup call,” I said as we were leaving.
“You’re welcome. Good luck. Let me know if you need me to watch him.”
“I will, but I have a feeling this is over before it started.”
“Why do you say that?” she asked.
“He hasn’t tried to contact me. I think maybe I was right. He realized this was not the life he wanted. I have to be okay with that.”
“What about the job thing?” she asked.
“I put it on a back burner. I’ll be pulling it to the front. It’s time to get that backup plan dusted off.”
“You’ll do fine,” she said.
“I have to,” I said and waved as we walked to the car. I got Jace buckled in and started for home. I decided to run through a drive thru and picked up some tacos. When we got home, we scarfed them down.
“Is Nash coming over today?” Jace asked.
“No,” I answered.
“Tomorrow?”
“I don’t think so,” I said. “He’s got a lot of work to do.”
“He said we could go fishing again,” he pouted.
“Yes, and I’m sure he will take you, but it’s not going to be this weekend.”
“Fine,” he pouted. “I’m going to watch TV.”
“All right.”
I checked my phone again. Still nothing. I thought about texting him and asking if he was okay. I was pissed last night. My anger had matched his. We got nowhere. Both of us were too busy shouting and going on the attack to hear each other. We tended to be passionate. That passion ran hot and bubbled over. It was great for our sex life but not so good for our communication skills.
I was certain he wasn’t going to call. It was over. Instead of dwelling on the matter, I decided to be proactive. I opened my laptop and pulled up the file I had started when I was getting ready to go out on my own. I needed to get back to it.
Chapter 71
Nash
I tapped my pencil up and down on the notepad. I still had not figured out how to handle the Saige and Jace situation. It felt like no matter what I did, it was wrong. I had to think long and hard before I made a move. It wasn’t just me that I had to think about. Jace had already been put through enough.