“I wouldn’t have thought that.”
“Nash, you made it clear you were focused on getting rich. I was okay with that, but I didn’t want my child to be tossed to the side or treated like a yo-yo.”
I blew out a breath. “You’re probably right. I would have ended up ruining him like my father ruined me.”
“You’re not ruined. I don’t know your father, but the thirty seconds I heard him, I know you are nothing like him.”
“Jace deserves better,” I said. “I understand why you wanted to keep him away from me. You gave him stability. That’s not something I would have done. I’m arrogant and selfish. I would have focused on my business and not him. No kid deserves that.”
“I agree, but I don’t think you would have done that. I’ll admit I used to think that, but the last few weeks have shown me I was wrong. I should have at least told you. I should have at least let you make the choice.”
“I would never hurt Jace,” I said. “Never. At least not intentionally.”
“Neither would I,” she said. “But I think I did.”
“What do you mean?”
“I hurt him by lying to him. I hate that I put Jace through hardship when it wasn’t necessary. I lied to him about his father. It hurt him and I have to live with that.”
“You were trying to protect him,” I said. “I guess I should thank you for doing such a good job raising him on your own.”
She laughed. “He’s not full grown yet. You’re coming in at the part of his life when things are about to get real. That’s assuming you are coming into his life.”
“I don’t want to mess the kid up,” I said. “I really can’t see myself being a solid dad.”
“What are you doing right now?” she asked.
I raised an eyebrow. “Talking to you.”
“Do you have any more meetings today?”
“No, why?”
“Can you leave for the day?” she asked.
I shrugged. “I suppose I can. Why?”
“I want to take you somewhere.”
I smirked. “Is that a euphuism for sex?”
She rolled her eyes. “No. I really want to show you something. We’ll take my car.”
I made a big show of cringing. “Are you sure? My Porsche is here.”
“Stop. You’re not fooling me with your arrogance. You can be as cocky as you want but it’s not fooling me.”
“Let me tell my receptionist that I’m leaving for the day. Then we can go.”
I left the office and went to talk to Carly. I could have called her, but I needed a minute. It was my dad and then Saige. It was like getting smacked by a hurricane only to have a tornado come and pick up the pieces. I walked into the men’s room and took a deep breath. I stared at my reflection in the mirror. I wasn’t a spitting image of my father, but there were similarities. I thought Jace looked more like me than I looked like my dad, but I could be biased.
She looked at me like she saw something. I didn’t see it. I wanted to believe I was different, but it seemed like a big risk to take when Jace was the one who would pay if I wasn’t well and truly changed. I would let her show me her thing and then I would tell her we needed to rethink the whole idea of me being his father. I wasn’t good at commitment. Hell, that was an understatement. I didn’t do commitment because I absolutely sucked at it. Being a parent was about as committed as a person could get.
Chapter 72
Saige
“Where are we going?” he asked from the passenger seat.
“It’s a surprise.”
“Um, Saige, it’s not really a surprise if I know where we are going,” he said.
“Then why did you ask?”
“Because I want to know why you’re going to my house,” he said.
I pulled into his driveway and parked.
“Do you have the key?” he asked me.
“No, that’s why I had to bring you along.”
He walked to the door and unlocked it. I stepped inside and waited for him to follow me in. “Okay,” he said. “Now what?”
“Look around you,” I told him.
“Am I supposed to be seeing something?”
“Yes, everything. Look around you. You did all of this in spite of your father’s lack of approval. You rose up and kicked ass without his help. You did that, but imagine what would have been different if you had his support.”
“It would have been a little easier, but I’m not sure the outcome would have been any different.”
“You forced yourself to kick ass to get to the top, but you did it alone. I think with support you would have been able to enjoy the ride to the top.”
He shrugged. “Maybe, but I don’t regret it.”
“I think I made a mistake,” I said. “I know I did. I should have let you make the decision to stay or go. I should have told Jace you were alive but not in the picture.”
“Saige, I think you made the right decision. I wasn’t in a good place back then. I would not have been a good influence in his life. I think it worked out the way it was supposed to.”
“Nash, you have a good heart,” I said. “You are a good man and you have done so much for Jace in the short time you’ve been in his life. Jace has had a complete turnaround with your influence. If you want to be in his life, you can. You should. You are his father. I won’t ask you to commit if you’re not ready, but I think you are.”
“I don’t want to screw the kid up,” he said. “My dad messed me up.”
I touched his arm. “He messed up, but you’re not messed up.”
“I am a little jaded,” he said with a laugh. “You don’t have to lie. I know what I am.”
“You’ve been through a lot. No one blames you for being jaded.”
“I want to be in Jace’s life,” he said. “I do, but it terrifies me.”
“Don’t be afraid. Kids are resilient. I do at least one thing a week to screw him up. We can screw him up together.”
He laughed. “That’s just what we need. We can’t release another one of me into the world.”
“We’ll do our best to fix the parts that are broken while screwing up other parts.”
“You sure do make a convincing argument,” he joked.
I turned to face him. “Nash, I won’t force you, but I love you. Jace loves you. We would welcome you with open arms. We will take you with flaws and all.”
“You love me?” he asked.
I blinked. I couldn’t believe I had just said that. It was too soon. I was going to scare him away. For a man that had commitment issues, I just triggered every one of his fears. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I got ahead of myself.”
“No, don’t be sorry,” he said. “I love you too.”
Now it was my turn to be shocked. “You do?” I asked with a surprised look.
He laughed, reaching up to stroke my cheek. “I know it might be hard to believe, but as it turns out, I can feel. I do feel. I love you, and as strange as it seems, I love Jace. I don’t even know him, and I love him. Do you think it’s because he’s my son?”