I clench my eyes shut and hold my breath. I know where this is going now and, dammit, I can’t argue against it.
“That girl had balls. She might’ve come here for the same reasons you’re here now—to see if she still had a chance with some small-town guy up north—but she did that shit on her own. She was fucking fearless.”
She was. But I’m not that girl anymore and haven’t been for a long time. Becoming a mom… it changed me.
“Be that kind of brave, babe. If I am truly what you want, be that kind of brave.”
“And I suppose I have to find that bravery by myself,” I whisper and he nods.
“Yeah, city girl. I love you too much not to give you that chance.”
Chapter 30
HAYDEN
Either Kurt Cobain and Nirvana set up shop in my room sometime after I fell asleep… or I drank too much boxed wine last night.
The cotton in my mouth says it’s the latter, and the cold, empty spot beside me in bed confirms: Jesse put us on ice last night, and I finished off the Moscato to try and forget.
A fool’s move, because if I’ve learned anything from the past five years, it’s that I will never be able to forget anything where Jesse is concerned, no matter how hard I try.
And I don’t want to forget, not really. I just want to go back in time and fix all of the things I screwed up so that nights like last night would never happen. Jesse and I have lost so much time already. The very last thing I want is to lose more.
But he’s right. I stayed with Lane and I held back from telling him how I felt, because I was afraid to screw up.
But I’m not afraid anymore. That part he got wrong. I left that woman in Green Bay more than a month ago.
He wants me to prove that I’m here for the right reasons? That it’s truly him I want and that I won’t wake up someday wishing otherwise?
Game on, Jesse Enders. Game. On.
JESSE
“Might take a nap, Daddy.” Jett snuggles into me as we lounge on the couch Saturday afternoon, watching The Lion King. Or, at least he’s watching, anyway. I’m thinking about Hayden.
Walking away from her last night was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, surpassed only by having to leave Green Bay a couple of days after Jett was born without him and Hayden with me.
We’d only been together for a few days then and we were never really alone. Hayden and Jett had tons of visitors and, of course, Lane stood over everything like the fucking vulture he is. But our stolen moments, just me, Hayden, and Jett, were enough to give me a taste of what our family would be like. Just like the past several weeks have done.
As incredible as it had been finally having them both here, something niggled in the back of my mind. Something I couldn’t quite put my finger on until I saw her with Lane once again.
I’d suspected she wasn’t as certain about her feelings for him as she thought she was, but finding out he’d kept my letter from her? That she’d only just recently read it? That my confession was what finally spurred her to leave him and be real about her feelings for me? It all makes sense now.
I feel like an ass for laying it all out there like I did, but there was no other way to say it. She’s been living behind the safety of that damn plan of hers for years. It was supposed to set her up for success, but as far as I can tell, all it’s done is hold her back. Mostly from me.
I didn’t want to walk away. I mean, it seems counterproductive, not to mention a huge friggin’ risk, because there’s a chance she could realize it’s not me she wants, after all. But…
I haven’t held on this long for her to only be here because she thinks she’s supposed to be. She says she knows what she wants—and I want to believe that she does—but, if she’s wrong, I’d rather she figure it out now. Before another four years go by and we’re in deeper than we already are.
“Sad part,” Jett murmurs, turning his face into my chest when the wildebeest stampede begins and Mufasa claws his way up the rocks.
“That dang Scar.” I smoothe a hand over his hair. “If I were Mufasa, I’d claw his eyes out.” Or maybe choke him to death, whatever.
Jett giggles. “You’re strong!” Then he flexes his little bicep so hard his face turns red. “Me, too! Right, Daddy?”
I laugh. “Dude, you better put those guns away before someone gets hurt.”
He falls against me, giggling all over again, as my phone pings with a message on the coffee table.
Be Hayden, my heart pleads, only to be disappointed when Aiden’s name pops up.
You around? his text reads.
At home with Jett. What’s up?
Coming over with beer.
Oh, shit. Aiden drinking at three in the afternoon? Something must be up.
Bring more than a sixer, I text back. Been a helluva weekend here, too.
10-4.
Jett zonks out a few minutes later, so I shift him to the couch and cover him up before heading to the front porch as Aiden pulls in.
I drop into one of the Adirondack chairs while he grabs an eighteen-pack of bottles from the back seat of his truck.
“You plan on spending the night?” I call out to him. “Or should I call Amelia and give her a heads-up on the ride home?”
He flips me off and climbs the steps, one heavy foot at a time. “Don’t give me any ideas about staying,” he mutters. “Pretty sure Craig’s never leaving my fucking couch.”
“Oh, shit, I forgot about that. He’s still there, huh?”
He frowns. “You work with the guy every friggin’ day. Figured you’d know what’s what.”
“Nope, and I don’t want to know. I mean, he told me the basics, but I don’t need more than that.” Not when I’ve had my own shit going on.
Aiden tears into the beer and hands me a bottle. “Heard Hayden’s back in town.”
“Yep.” I twist off the top and tip back a swig.
“Heard she was working for you, too.”
“Was being the operative word.” And that’s something I’m going to have to talk to Ma about, because with both Greta and Hayden gone, I’m more or less fucked.
“Really?” His dark brows lift over amused eyes. “Pretty sure I saw her car in the parking lot when I drove through town just now.”
I blink at him. “You serious?”
He dips his chin, covered in a thicker than normal beard. “White Subaru, right?”
I have my phone out of my pocket before he can finish the question, ready to text her and let her know that I don’t expect her to keep working for me—especially without pay—while we take this break or whatever the hell it is we’re doing. But then I remember she probably needs the Wi-Fi for her own work, and I’m not about to be a dick and fuck her over like that.
“So, what’s the deal?” Aiden asks before taking a pull from his beer.
“The deal with what?”
He shoots me a sidelong glare. “You and Hayden, dumbass.”
“Nothing.” Not right now, anyway. “How about you tell me what your deal is? Why are we drinking at three in the afternoon?”