“Yeah, they really are,” I agreed. “So does this all mean that you’ll let us help you out?” I asked hopefully.
She sighed. “I feel beyond weird about it but my priority is getting sole custody of Mason. I can’t afford a lawyer and clearly I need one. So yes, thank you,” she agreed, seeming relieved.
I reached over and clasped her hand. “What are friends for?”
“Cal mentioned there being some sort of ceremony at the club tomorrow night,” she said and I knew she was deliberately changing the subject.
“Ry’s getting patched in,” I grinned. I knew it meant the world to him and to Axel.
Her brows knitted together and I knew many aspects of the club were still foreign to her. “So he’ll be officially part of the club?” she wondered.
“Yep,” I nodded. “I don’t know what the ceremony entails really,” I admitted. “The guys are kind of mum on those details. But we’re invited to the party afterwards. I probably won’t be able to stay long with Maddox but you should come.”
“Nah,” she shook her head. “I’m sure it’ll be rowdy, and with Mason, I wouldn’t be able to stay long anyway. Why don’t I watch Maddox for you so you can stay longer?” she offered.
I sighed, knowing already what Axel would say. “Thank you. Ordinarily, I’d take you up on that but I don’t think Axel will go for it.”
She nodded. “I get it.”
It was late by the time we decided to turn in. Our bedroom was dark when I crawled under the covers snuggling up to Axel’s warm body.
“Jesus, babe, you’re freezing,” his sleepy voice rasped as he wrapped his arms around me.
“We were sitting outside,” I explained, nuzzling into his chest and breathing in his scent.
He grunted as I stuck my freezing nose against his skin. “Have fun?”
I nodded. “It was good to catch up. We talked more about the situation with Tim. It’s bad, babe. I had no idea. I feel so guilty,” I shook my head.
“She obviously didn’t want to share, darlin’. You both had your reasons for keeping secrets.”
He was certainly right about that.
“True,” I sighed. “I really want to help her with her lawyer. She’s going to need a good one. I told her I’d talk to you about it first. It would mean a lot to me to do something to help her with that money.”
“I think that’s a good idea, babe. Got no problem with that. Her man sounds like a piece of shit. But I gotta ask, are you ever gonna wanna use it for yourself? For Mad?” he countered, his tone quiet but firm.
We hadn’t touched a dime of my trust and though Axel didn’t seem to care about the money, he cared about why I didn’t want to touch it.
“We don’t need it,” I shrugged, hoping he’d let me off easy.
“That’s not why you don’t want to touch it,” he countered, his hand grasping my hair for a moment before continuing his perusal through its strands.
“No,” I murmured, agreeing with him.
“Why then?” He pressed his lips against my temple.
“Because of what it did to me my whole life.” I shuddered.
“So let’s say we use that money to pay for your school if you decide to go back, you gonna become your mother?” his tone was teasing, but I knew he was asking a serious question.
“No,” I shook my head.
“You gonna change the way you love Mad? The way you love me?”
“No,” I repeated, realizing his simple reasoning was actually getting through to me.
“It’s just money, babe. The danger or value is what you do with it; what you let it do to you.”
I looked up at him in the dim light taking in his words.
He gave me a small smile before continuing, “So I’m all right with you helping Jill. I owe the woman more than I can say for helping you when you had no one. But I want you to get to a place where you’re not afraid of it – the money I mean. If that’s the case, then it’s controlling you just as much as it always did.”
Holy hell, he was totally right. He knew me so well.
“You’re right,” I admitted, voicing my thoughts aloud. ”I don’t want that,” I shook my head.
“It’s the last of your trust,” his deep voice rumbled.
“What do you mean?”
“The money,” he shrugged, “you don’t trust it. You think it will change us. I want to see you let that shit go. Believe in our family, in what we have,” he growled.
“I do,” I answered fervently.
“Prove it,” he dared. “I don’t give a fuck what you do with it. Spend it on Jill, spend it on stupid shit, just don’t be afraid of it. Don’t think that something as fucking trivial as money could change us,” he demanded, his voice stronger now.
I had been afraid of that. I realized then that it couldn’t change us. Change me. The very fact he could voice my fears aloud, fears I hadn’t even fully articulated myself, therein lay the difference between what I’d known for most of my life and what we had. Axel understood me better than myself.
He wanted me to be free.
If it was possible, I loved him even more in that very moment.
“Nothing can change us,” I whispered, my lips finding that sweet spot on his collarbone. “Love you, babe,” I breathed, my lips moving higher to his gorgeous mouth.
He pulled me over his body, my legs straddling him as he gripped my upper thighs. “Prove it,” he dared with one of his rare ear-to-ear grins.
Chapter 22
Unsurprisingly, Axel didn’t go for the whole Jill watching Maddox idea, which is how I found myself holding our very cranky baby in the midst of a very rowdy celebration the following evening.
The club was packed inside with only a few braving the chilly evening to smoke out back. The music blared and drinks were flowing. Axel had been at the club for most of the day, but later collected us from home. I’d tried to tell him once before that maybe Mad and I should stay home but he’d been adamant that we be a part of the celebration, even for just a little while.
I’d passed my driver’s test and would have felt comfortable driving, but we hadn’t gotten around to picking out a car and Axel seemed to feel better that I not drive alone just yet, which I understood.
Well, most days anyway. This party at the club was a perfect example of where I just wanted to pop in, say hello and take my baby home to bed.
There were scantily clad women everywhere fawning over Ryker and the few remaining single men. I sat with Connie watching my brother-in-law soak up the limelight.
“He’s not having any fun,” Connie noted drolly.
I laughed. “Clearly not one for the spotlight,” I nodded with a grin, glad to see Ry so happy.
The grin fell away as I set eyes on my brother. His dark gaze searched the room landing on Axel as his legs ate the space to get closer. I watched him stride across the room his fists clenched and expression grim.
The two men exchanged words with both their eyes glancing my way more than once. I could see a clear “fuck” slip from Axel’s lips.
Well, that couldn’t be good.