He grunted. “There’ll be a time,” he assured me with a nod, pulling me back down to him. “But I realized something recently. My loyalty and my love for the club – it doesn’t mean anything if I don’t have your back,” he explained quietly.
My heart thudded impatiently at his words, hungry to swallow them whole.
“I’ll always have your back too,” I assured him.
“I know. Can you sleep?” he murmured, his lips against my temple.
“Maybe,” I sighed, feeling completely wrung out. “If you’re here,” I added.
“Nowhere else I would be, babe,” he assured me, his bare skin warming mine.
“I love you,” I sighed.
“Love you,” he returned, kissing my hair.
I drifted off on a wave that crested between sleep and wakefulness. My father’s image persisted in my mind as a shadow in the periphery of my childhood. It wasn’t until I focused on the image of Axel holding Maddox that I drifted off in peace. Imagining my husband hold and love our child through my sleep muddled brain brought a smile across my lips.
Axel had given me that – peace.
That and so much more.
Chapter 23
“I want that one. Our ceiling is high enough,” I stated, hands on my hips as Axel eyed me warily. We’d been scouring the Christmas tree lot for the perfect tree for going on an hour and clearly he was over it.
It had been a week since my father died. Every day I worked to accept that he was actually gone. The hardest part was the lack of closure. On some level, I realized I’d hoped to have that with him. To at least understand what had driven him to do all the things he’d done. I’d have to find that closure within myself. It would take time.
Things with the Black Riders were still uncertain. Axel hadn’t shared much but I knew if there was immediate danger, he’d tell me. For the time being, the guys were pretty guarded on the details. Frankly, I didn’t have the capacity to deal with it anyway and didn’t ask. I trusted Axel to take care of it.
The holidays were a welcomed distraction. I’d decorated the house with close to an obnoxious amount of cheer. Ax had helped where he could and stayed out of the way when he needed to, which was often. I was determined to have our first Christmas as a family be as close to perfect as possible.
“Baby, that thing is like ten feet tall,” Axel groused, craning his neck to look at the tree I had in mind.
“So?” I queried with my head cocked to the side.
“You gonna lug it through the lot into the truck and then into the house?” he demanded.
“Well, no,” I replied, biting my lip and eyeing the tree again to see if maybe I could somehow do just that.
He chuckled, shaking his head at my antics. Maddox whined in the backpack I had him strapped in. He was over it too.
“Fine, we can find a slightly smaller one,” I gave in, giving him my best dejected expression.
“Christ,” he muttered, shaking his head. “Fine.”
“Yay!” I clapped my hands together.
“You and those damn big eyes,” he lamented. “If we have a girl, I’m seriously screwed.”
“Yeah you are,” I agreed, suddenly wanting to give him just that.
******
“That’s a big fucking tree,” Sal commented when he and Kat came over later that evening.
“It’s gorgeous,” Kat smiled, elbowing Sal in the ribs. She scooped Mad up off the floor trying to position him over her burgeoning belly.
“Jesus, babe, don’t try to hold him. He’s too heavy,” Sal argued, seeming stressed as he pried my son from her arms.
She rolled her eyes but let him take Maddox. I was surprised my brother hadn’t had a heart attack at some point during her pregnancy. He was constantly prying things out of her arms or making her sit down. It was sweet, but I knew Kat was at the end of her rope.
I winked at her from the kitchen where I was attempting to cook an edible dinner. I was determined not to poison everyone.
When Ry and Jill let themselves in, they were in the middle of an argument, not an uncommon occurrence for them. They’d become good friends and often bickered like siblings.
“Do you know how hard it is to find good childcare?” Jill was saying as they swept into the room. “Hi,” she paused to greet Kat and me with a hug before continuing her rant. “Seriously, Ry,” she huffed. “Piper works at the best daycare in town. There are so many willing chicks in this town. Can’t you go try to screw one of them? You can’t pull your typical shit with Piper. She’s not like that and then I’ll have to find somewhere else for Mason.” Jill added, looking stressed.
If I didn’t know any better, I’d think he looked hurt by the accusation. “Maybe I don’t want to just fuck her,” he muttered.
Well, that was just plain shocking. The weighted silence in the room confirmed as much.
“Are you sick? Do you need a doctor?” Sal goaded him.
“What’s this now?” Axel asked, coming into the room.
“Ry seems to have a boner for Jill’s babysitter, Piper,” Sal muttered, stifling a laugh.
Axel’s brows rose in surprise. “Piper Owens?”
“You know her?” Jill asked, confused.
“Sure, Ry went to school with her. He was pulling her pigtails in second grade,” Axel chuckled. “She and Ry were thick as thieves ‘til she moved away after high school. I didn’t realize she was back in town,” he added, coming to put an arm around me and dropping a quick kiss to my temple. “Haven’t seen her since the funeral,” he added somberly. “That was what, a year ago now?”
Ry looked up at the ceiling with a clenched jaw. “Yeah, I didn’t realize she was back either until I dropped the Mace man off for Jill.”
“She won’t give you the time of day?” Axel guessed with a quirked brow.
“Ah, the way many epic romances begin,” Kat grinned.
Ryker’s eyes shot downward, looking uncomfortable, a rarity for Ryker.
“Shit, is that a blush? Is he blushing?” Jill demanded. “I’m so screwed,” she groaned.
I’d say that was a very fair assessment.
“Let’s have dinner,” I cut in, wanting to save Ryker from his apparent misery.
He shot me a grateful look and nodded enthusiastically at my suggestion.
We sat down for dinner with no more talk of Piper and no one outwardly grimaced as they began to eat which I took as a good sign.
When the doorbell rang, I was surprised since we didn’t expect anyone else. I rose to answer it but Axel stopped me with a look.
“I’ll get it,” he said gruffly, scooting his chair back with a screech as he moved to the door.
I couldn’t stop my intake of breath when I saw who was on the other side of the door.
My mother stood underneath the porch light, clutching her jacket around her uncertainly.
“Please don’t turn me away,” she rushed to say.
Axel just stared at her in shock, unsure how to respond.
“What are you doing here?” Sal growled as he glared at our mother.
“Everyone just relax,” I commanded, holding up my hand for them to be quiet as I stood to move to Axel’s side. “Come in,” I beckoned after a moment more of deliberation. I was curious what she wanted, and despite how she’d treated me, I wasn’t prepared to turn her away cold on our doorstep.