Once Beau and I make it into the church foyer, I thank him and watch him make his way to Serene. The entire time I can sense Asa behind me, coming closer and closer.
Then, sure enough, the clean fresh scent of him fills my nostrils. My heart clinches; years of memories flash through my mind. All from his scent alone.
“Hello, Nathalie,” Asa greets.
I give him a friendly, courteous smile. “Asa, nice to see you.”
Like the rest of the men, Asa is wearing a tuxedo. The jacket and pants are tailor-made. The lapels of his jacket are a black silk. His tuxedo jacket is unbuttoned showing his black waistcoat. There’s not a wrinkle on his white shirt and his bow tie is perfectly straight.
Did Juliet help him get ready? Did she straighten the bow tie before they left their home and comment on how handsome he looked? The satin lapels blend with his dark hair and even though he is clean-shaven, I can already see the dark stubble trying to grow back. I always loved when he didn’t shave. His facial hair matched his intensity and every time he would kiss me, it tickled my face. Asa would always insist he had to be professional for work. This close, and I’m almost tempted to reach out and brush my hand across his cheek. The day in his office was at the end of the day. I felt the stubble against my palm, and along my neck and now I-
“You look lovely,” Asa says, intruding my thoughts. I look at him and find him watching me with earnest. But his brown eyes nearly burn. It’s as though he can sense my thoughts.
I dip my head. “Thank you.” Because Juliet remains at his side, I smile courteously at her. “Hello, how are you?”
“I am quite well.” As always, Juliet remains as soft spoken as ever. I find myself wondering, not for the first time, if Asa’s wife ever has a thought that’s out of turn, or is it nothing but sunshine and butterflies in her mind?
“I’m sorry to interrupt,” Serene says, “But only the wedding party can be back here.” Serene appears sincere, but if I know her as well as I do, I don’t think she’s regretful in the slightest.
“All right. I’ll go find my seat.” Juliet bids Asa goodbye and before she retreats to her seat next to his parents, she looks between me and Asa. Her eyes are wide… almost cautious. Then, she regards me, and I see nothing but venom. It so powerful, it clouds her eyes, darkening her blue irises. The swift change takes me by such surprise, I slightly veer back. Within the blink of an eye, though, the hatred has cleared, and she’s back to being calm and affable Juliet.
I watch her walk away, and chills drift down my spine. Asa doesn’t outwardly respond to Juliet’s absence, but I’ve watched him my entire life. I know when he’s uncomfortable or at ease, simply by the set of his shoulders or the flex of his fingers. And right now, his shoulders aren’t as tense as before.
Asa is uncomfortable around Juliet.
I don’t know what to think of my conclusion. I cannot ask Asa how his marriage is. There is a part of me that is afraid to know the answer.
“She will never care for me.”
“It’s not that…” The look I give him makes his words fade. He seems to think over his response and says, “No, I don’t believe she will.”
“Fair enough,” I concede after a beat of silence. “That’s to be expected considerin’ I interrupted her weddin’.”
Asa has nothing to say to that because he knows I’m right. We don’t say much of anything after that, and when a lady gestures for us to look her way, I’m almost relieved.
“Music should begin soon. Please line up with your groomsman.”
Asa and I stand next to one another. Serene and Beau are in front of us. My sister-in-law slides her hand into the crook of Beau’s arm. Looking over my shoulder, I see Rainey’s cousin has done the same with her partner. The only two people who are standing stiffly beside one another is me and Asa. I know he notices too because he looks down at me, then toward Serene and Beau, and wordlessly offers his arm.
To deny him would draw more attention to the two of us, than accepting it would. I slide my arm through his. My fingers settle on the inside of his forearm. I can feel the tension coming off his body. I try to keep a polite distance because every breath he takes seems to bring him closer. The brush of his elbow against my skin makes me unstable, hanging onto him even tighter.
I wait, very impatiently, for the bridal party to move forward.
And continue to wait.
And wait.
And wait.
I can’t stand this close to Asa for much longer.
“What could be takin’ so long?” Rainey’s cousin complains behind us.
Serene and Beau separate and quietly begin talking. I begin to think that perhaps we should do the same because it doesn’t seem like we’re going to be walking down the aisle soon. But as I start to slide my arm away from the crook of his elbow, Asa tightens his hold. It’s a subtle move, one that nobody would notice.
Nobody but me.
My heart is already beating much too fast.
“Beau is sweet on you.”
The remark is harsh and abrupt. It takes me several seconds to realize Asa’s speaking to me. Maybe because he looks around the vestibule and everyone in it, not at me.
I look at Beau’s figure in front of me. He doesn’t seem to have heard Asa’s remark. “How do you know?” I ask in a lower voice.
“Because of how he spoke with you.”
I shake my head at the absurdity. “It was a friendly conversation that lasted for no more than a few seconds.”
Asa finally turns to me. I see the well-masked jealously in his eyes. “Perhaps it was friendly to you, but not to him.”
I take a deep breath. “Would it be so terrible if I was with someone such as Beau?” I whisper.
Before I finish my words, Asa is holding my hand flush against his body.
“Nathalie,” he warns.
“Can I not find love again?”
He searches my gaze, and there’s a moment where I think he’s going to speak his truth. Every thought that has rested heavy on his soul is ready to come out. His mouth opens, but at the last moment, he shakes his head.
I close my eyes and look away.
“You will always be my Lady Gouldian,” he whispers into my ear.
Hurt at what can never be, I look him in the eye. “That’s not enough for me, Asa.”
In front of the wedding party, a lady signals it’s time to walk. The church doors open, and the pianist and violinist begin to play Pachelbel’s Canon in D.
Beau and Serene go before us. Asa and I wait until they’re midway before we begin to walk.
The two of us look ahead, refusing to acknowledge the people around us and the conversation we had.
The saddest part of it all is I cling to him, knowing this is the closest we’ll ever get to us walking down the aisle together.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Nathalie
Conversations swirl around me as I remain lost in my thoughts.
The reception began an hour ago, and I’m already anxious for it to end.
Belgrave opened its doors for the reception, but it isn’t filled to the hilt with guests. There isn’t an excessive number of decorations that it borders on garish. No eight-course meal that the cooks spent days working tirelessly over.