“My first infraction came because there was a four-minute delay between two of my calls,” Susan chimes.
“See?” Leaf says. “That’s only just a few.”
I smile, grateful for their attempt to cheer me up. But this has more to do with Asa’s involvement than the infraction itself.
I don’t know how long I sit there, but when the anger doesn’t diminish, I push back my chair. “Excuse me for a moment.”
My steps are quick and sure as I walk down the hall and up the steps. Not for a moment do I doubt this is the right decision. When I return, Louise has long since left, and Asa has resumed his position behind his desk. His large shoulders are hunched over as he furiously writes something down.
I don’t bother knocking; my heels make enough noise. Asa’s brown eyes flick in my direction. Slowly, he looks me up and down before he looks away.
“May I speak with you?” I ask.
“Absolutely.”
If it wasn’t for his clenched jaw, I might believe him.
I shut the door behind me and turn, mouth open, prepared to let free all the words that have been gathering in my head when I stop short. Asa is standing with his back to me as he rifts through the top drawer of the oak file cabinet behind his desk.
“What can I do for you?” he calls out.
I take a deep breath and walk deeper into his office. “I need to talk to you about what happened with Louise.”
“What about it?” he asks, without bothering to face me.
I know he’s attempting to ignore my presence by keeping busy. He doesn’t want me here anymore than when Louise was in here, but I’m not the same little Nat he knew. I have something to say, and I am going to say it.
“It was kind of you to defend me with Louise, but you shouldn’t have. I need to be seen as the same as everyone else, otherwise they will treat me differently.”
“And how do you want them to see you, Nathalie?”
Even though Asa has his back to me, he’s more than engaged. I hear the double meaning to his question. He’s waiting for an answer.
Slowly, I approach him and only stop at the corner of the desk where I’m afforded the perfect angle. The sharp planes of his face make my stomach twist.
He senses me. I can tell by the way a muscle along his jaw jumps. “Well?” he says, a little too loudly.
“Someone who is workin’ hard. Just as hard as them.”
By now, Asa’s stopped searching through the filing cabinet. His gaze remains fixed in front of him. “I think they see that.”
“Not if you intercede any time someone looks in my direction.”
With those words, Asa whirls and angrily faces me. “I’m tryin’ to protect you!” he practically shouts.
“That’s what Étienne said. I might as well go back to Belgrave and spend my days roamin’ the halls.”
“Are you goin’ to leave?” Asa challenges, and takes a step toward me.
With narrowed eyes, I mimic his actions until he’s a step away. “No, because I can handle myself.”
Asa dips his head, but it’s only to hide the faint, sardonic smile on his face. He doesn’t believe me. Like Étienne, he thinks my confidence is misplaced. I continue to seethe as I approach him.
When Asa lifts his head, the smirk is gone, but it lingers in his eyes. “Is that all?” he asks.
It’s a rarity that I ever become truly angry. It’s simply not who I am. I rationally think things through and find a solution. But I’ve been working so hard at this job, trying to find meaning in my life, and while it may seem small to some, I have something to look forward to. I will not lose that.
And Asa’s smirk couldn’t have happened at the worst time. I want to erase all traces of it. I want him to think twice before he ever doubts me again.
I do something that is very un-Nathalie-like. I grab him by the lapels and kiss him.
If this is breaking from the confines of myself, I should do this more often. Because it’s amazing. Blood thrums under my skin and everything in my mind quiets. I breathe deeply through my nose as my hands travel up his chest and curl around his neck. I stand on my tiptoes and press myself against him as close as possible.
I have a handle on the kiss for the amount of time it takes for Asa to gather his wits. His tongue moves against mine and his hands wrap around my waist.
Moments ago, I could hear the noises from downstairs and footsteps in the hall, but now, I hear nothing but my breath mixing with Asa’s. My tongue glides against his in a dance he had taught me long ago. I pull a groan from him, and my heart leaps in victory.
Clothing shifts as our hands move. They never stay in one place for too long. We’re frantic with our touches but move in unison. My hands trace the shape of his shoulders and biceps then move back up to his neck. His large hands easily span my waist, and my blouse is yanked from my skirt. I feel his calloused fingertips on my stomach and suck deeply on his tongue.
Asa grabs a hold of my face while my hands begin to unbutton his shirt. When his shirt parts, my nails drag across his stomach and up his chest to link around his neck.
He spins us around and with ease, picks me up and places me on the edge of his desk. Instinctively, my legs part. With heated eyes, Asa steps between them. I want him going nowhere else, and my legs wrap around his back, holding him in place.
Asa looks down at me and cups my face while he pants, “I’ve missed you so much. You don’t know how much I’ve missed you.”
I swallow, desperate to hear more, but craving his touch even greater. My arms move around his waist, pulling him as close as possible as his mouth sweeps back down on mine.
My girlhood infatuation gave Asa power he probably never knew he possessed. I was willing to give and did give so much to him.
But if I learned anything from the mistakes of my life, it was this: we are born unto ourselves and no one else. What you give, you are not guaranteed to get back. That includes your heart.
I knew better now.
His hands trail up the sides of my thighs, the same time his lips touch the side of my neck. Tipping my head back, I close my eyes and gasp.
“Nathalie, I need you,” he groans. His words are desperate and sink into my skin. They clutch my heart and refuse to let go.
This is everything I want to hear, but they are only perfect for this moment. Later, when his hands are gone, and his lips leave mine, his words will become hollow. That’s almost worse than never hearing them.
Asa’s thumbs brush against my garters. And his touch, so close to where I want him to be, makes my eyes snap open.
“No. Stop.”
At once, he pulls back. His brown eyes are dazed, and his lips are parted. He remains so close; his breath mingles with mine.
I want his lips back where they once were. But they don’t belong there. They never have.
Panting, I look down at our bodies. At how close they touch. Asa’s pants never became unbuttoned, but somehow, his belt is unbuckled, and his shirt… it reveals his strong chest. My heart gives a lurch at the sculpted row of abs. I feel them beneath my fingertips but seeing them is far better.
He does not belong to you.
My eyes close. “We can’t,” I whisper.
I open my eyes as Asa takes a step back, his hands at his sides. Silently, and with my eyes down, I button my shirt.