This is why I was afraid of taking this job. Of working this close to Asa. We have far too much history between us to try and have a friendly working relationship.
I give him a sneaking glance. He gives me his side profile as he finishes buttoning his shirt, his jaw tightly clenched. I can only imagine what he’s thinking.
Once I’m finished getting dressed, I take a deep breath. I look around the office and then at the door. “Well, I should be goin’.”
Without another word, I hurry toward the door. My hand starts to turn the doorknob when Asa’s hand slams against the door. “No wait.” I stand perfectly still and wait to hear what he has to say. “I’m sorry how I behaved. It was inappropriate of me.”
Slowly, I tilt my head back to meet his gaze. “I kissed you first.”
Asa flinches. “Nonetheless, I am sorry. It won’t happen again.”
How many times have we said that before?
When I don’t reply, Asa leans in, his eyes desperate and he links his hand with mine. “Nathalie, we tell no one about this.”
My eyes move between his hand and those heartbreaking brown eyes that have never changed. They blink at me, waiting for my reply.
Exhaling a shaky breath, I say, “Who do I have in my life to tell?”
CHAPTER TWENTY
Nathalie
“I must say, you’re far more composed the night before your weddin’ than I envisioned.”
Rainey takes a sip of her champagne and shrugs as she sits on the edge of the bed. Tonight, we’re all staying at Belgrave. It is one last night for the three of us before Rainey becomes Raina Lacroix. It was Serene’s idea, but the way Étienne keeps barging in every fifteen minutes and glaring at me and Rainey, you would think we suggested the idea. I don’t think he cares much for sleeping apart from Serene. I’ll be surprised if Serene stays the entire night with Rainey and me in the guest room.
“It’s Livingston. Why would I be worried? I know that man better than I know myself,” Rainey says.
I tuck my legs underneath me and smile softly at my best friend.
“Well, that wasn’t the case for me, I was a nervous wreck on my wedding day,” Serene says to my left with a large tray of cucumber sandwiches on her lap.
“Why?” Rainey asks with a short laugh. “Étienne is perfect for you.”
With raised brows, I wait for Serene to answer. She looks at the quilt and clears her throat. “Oh, it was just typical nerves. That’s it. I know I made the right decision with Étienne. But… there were a lot of sacrifices made. It’s worth it for love, though.”
It was the perfect explanation. Rainey nods in understanding and takes a hearty sip of her drink while Serene shoves another cucumber sandwich down her throat.
“We should talk about tomorrow and which groomsmen will be escortin’ you down the aisle.”
I knew Asa was in Rainey and Livingston’s wedding party. But up until now, I never gave it a thought that we would be paired together.
“I have Beau Legare walkin’ with Serene.” Rainey hesitates. “And Asa with Nat.”
My heart drops to my stomach at her words. Asa and I have been doing an excellent job of avoiding one another since our kiss. If I hear his voice coming down the hall, I turn and walk the other way. If I have to go upstairs, I take the opposite staircase to avoid walking by his office. Anything to prevent seeing one another. Yet there are many occasions I feel a tingling between my shoulder blades, and I know he is watching me. At some point, we will have to come face to face, and avoidance is simply allowing the tension to grow between us.
I would be lying if I said I don’t want to see him. Of course, I do. Any time Asa’s near me, I can feel it. But I simply cannot keep pretending as though we are cordial friends and nothing more. We both know there’s a history. A history he was an active participant in just as much I was. And if I see him, I don’t know what will slip from my mouth.
“Why can’t Étienne walk with Serene, and I walk with Beau?” I ask.
“Because Étienne volunteered to escort me down the aisle,” Rainey explains.
“Oh yes.” At once, my lips draw into a tight line, wishing I could pull the words back into my mouth. This wouldn’t be the first time Étienne had to be the stand-in for family members taken too soon. I don’t want to make tomorrow any harder on Rainey than it has to be. If I have to walk down the aisle with Asa, then I will. It isn’t as though we have to spend the entire night next to one another. I can be civil for the sake of Rainey and Livingston.
“How has it been working with Asa?” Serene quietly asks.
“Perfectly fine,” I lie. “I don’t see him hardly at all.”
I snatch a cucumber sandwich and shove it in my mouth. Serene and Rainey are patient, though, and stare at me until I’m done eating.
I dust my fingers off and impatiently look at them. “It’s true. He’s in his office quiet often.”
“Hmm,” Serene says.
“What’s that ‘hmm’ for?”
Rainey props her chin on Serene’s shoulder and looks between the two of us, thoroughly entertained by us.
Serene shrugs her free shoulder. “Oh, nothing. It’s just that you objected awfully strong when Rainey told you that he would be escorting you down the aisle.”
“How can you find fault in me for that?”
“I simply thought things were at least respectful between the two of you.”
“They are,” I slowly confess. Quickly, I look away and murmur, “Before we kissed.”
“What?” Rainey and Serene say at the exact same time.
My eyes close at the sound of shrill voices. “Oh, I knew that was bound to happen.”
“Of course, it was! You and Asa kissed!” Serene nearly shouts.
“When did this happen?” Rainey asks at the same time Serene asks, “How did it happen?”
I look between the two of them. “Which question should I answer first?”
Rainey and Serene look at each other before they come to a mutual understanding. “Answer my question,” Rainey replies. “And then Serene’s.”
Taking a deep breath, I nod. “Very well.” Serene and Rainey lean in at the same time, eyes wide and filled with anticipation. In this moment, I have an indiscriminate moment of gratefulness for these two ladies that I nearly reach out and hug them. I pushed so many people away when I lived at Brignac House, in naïve attempts to save my marriage, but all it did was drive my soul into the ground. If I would have reached out to Rainey or Serene, just once, they would have been there. Without a second thought.
“Well?” Serene prods. “Are you going to tell us?”
I shake my head, clearing my mind of the past. “We kissed nearly a week ago.”
Serene rocks back on her bottom and when she sits forward, she claps her hands. “I knew it. I just knew it!” She looks at Rainey. “I knew it, didn’t I?”
“You did not know it,” Rainey scoffs.
Serene waves her words away. “Oh, you’re just mad because you didn’t know it.”
“I did too!” Rainey disagrees. She punctuates her words by slapping her hands on her knees.