Nevertheless, I knew there was no way Aaron would hurt Kody if he still had some sort of control over his condition and his actions. Worried in a way that could not be ignored, I called in someone to take over my case and went back to Loveless for the first time in years.
I found Kody before I found Aaron.
Seeing her tearstained, pale, horrified face did something to me. All the emotions I’d learned to deny did their best to burst free. I couldn’t resist pulling her into my arms, and couldn’t stop myself from touching my lips to her forehead and apologizing for not taking better care of my brother…and her. As far back as I could recall, it was the first time in my life I felt like an absolute failure. It was also the first time Kody went out of her way to get so close to me. It was an accidental, or playful touch but one with purpose and filled with emotion, making it a memory seared in my mind forever.
I will also never forget the look of absolute betrayal and utter devastation on Aaron’s face when he suddenly appeared. I let go of Kody like her skin had suddenly sprouted thorns and stepped toward my brother.
“It takes her getting hurt for you to give a shit, Hill? What about me? I hurt all the time and you pretend like I don’t exist.” He was gaunt, his eyes wild, and far too pale. He was shaking uncontrollably, and his arms were covered in thin white scars. He no longer looked like the sullen kid who’d followed me around, but like a man with too many demons to count.
Kody pushed me out of the way and reached for him, pleading, “Aaron, we have to talk about this. You have to let me help you. I love you, but we can’t go on like this.”
My brother lunged for his pretty, blond fiancée. His hands were curled into claws and I swear that if I hadn’t gotten between the two of them, he would have wrapped those shaking hands around Kody’s neck.
I put a hand on the center of Aaron’s too-thin chest and pushed him back. I didn’t expect for him to land on his ass, or for him to immediately leap to his feet and bolt for his motorcycle. He’d long since upgraded from the dirt bike to a sporty foreign design that was faster than lightning. He disappeared before I could get my scattered thoughts together. Kody’s hand locked on my arm as she yanked me around to face her.
“You have to find him, Hill. If something happens to him…” She trailed off, head shaking sadly from side to side. “I’ll never forgive myself.”
I nodded absently. I wasn’t going to let anything happen to my little brother, and it was high time I forced him to get the help he so obviously needed. I was a pro at pushing my feelings aside and would continue to push them aside so that Aaron and Kody could have the happy-ever-after they’d always dreamed of. Well, as long as Case didn’t murder my brother for roughing Kody up before I got my hands on him.
I made Kody text me a list of places Aaron might go and asked Case to help me track down anyone he might be close to. But it was almost as if Aaron had disappeared into thin air. Kody called every fifteen minutes asking for updates, even though she was turning Loveless upside down trying to find him as well. The last place to look was my parents’ house. I couldn’t fathom why Aaron would go to the one place he’d spent so much time trying to escape, but sure enough, his bike was parked out front when I arrived.
It took my mother forever to answer the door, and she blinked at me like she didn’t recognize me.
“Hill? What are you doing here? I thought you were skipping the wedding.” She narrowed her eyes at me. “Aaron was devastated when you told him you weren’t coming.”
I highly doubted Aaron had shared anything so personal with her, but the well-aimed barb did sting.
“Is he here?” I maneuvered around her before she could answer me.
“Yes, he is. He showed up a few hours ago. He said he was spending the night here while Kody was at her bachelorette party.” She reached for my arm, but I was already running up the stairs, headed toward the small bedroom Aaron and I had shared growing up.
I smelled it before I reached the door.
The coppery, metallic scent of blood. There had to be a lot of it for the smell to be as strong as it was. Freaking out, I kicked the door open and rushed into the room, my heart immediately sinking into my stomach.
Aaron was slumped on the floor, head bent, sitting in a pool of blood. There was an empty bottle of pills on the floor near his legs, and a bloodstained razor blade abandoned on his lap. I had no idea how long he’d been there, but it had been long enough for his skin to turn a faint gray and for his breath to be incredibly shallow and ragged.
Shouting Aaron’s name, I fumbled with my phone to call 911.
I pulled a pillow off the bed, wrenching the case off so I could wrap it around Aaron’s wrist. I did the same on the other side, barking orders into the phone.
The commotion brought my parents into the room. My mother immediately burst into hysterics, while my father stood stoically.
Refusing to take my focus off Aaron, I growled, “Neither one of you bothered to check on him. He showed up out of the blue, looking like a zombie, and you left him alone. How can you be so thoughtless? So careless.” It was a pointless statement. Neither one had ever had the first clue what to do with either of us. Aaron and I had always been bit players in their theatrics.
My heart skipped a beat when Aaron’s eyelids suddenly fluttered. He looked at me through hazy eyes and tried to say my name. Everything inside me froze, then burst into panicked flames a moment later when he stopped breathing.
Time ceased to exist.
I have no idea how long I sat on the floor of my childhood room after the paramedics left. I stayed there covered in my brother’s blood, crying, agonizing over all the mistakes I’d made.
Eventually I pulled myself together enough to drag myself to Aaron and Kody’s so I could tell her what had happened.
Only I didn’t get a chance to get a word out. Kody took one look at the dried blood on my hands and clothes and collapsed into a boneless heap of grief at my feet. I wanted to comfort her, to tell her we could face this together. No one loved Aaron the way we did. No one understood him the way we did.
Twenty-two years old was way too young to die.
However, as soon as she was able to speak through the tears and violent shakes, she smacked me in the face and sobbed. “This is all your fault. All he ever wanted was to make you proud. He did everything he could for your time and attention. Why weren’t you here when he needed you most?” Her voice was cold as she told me flatly, “I never want to see you again, Hill Gamble. I hate you.”
I had never known words had the power to wound so deeply. Their impact stole my breath and turned my heart inside out. My knees went weak, and it took every ounce of self-control I had to stay upright. If she’d thrown a punch it would’ve hurt less.
I watched her heart break right in front of my eyes. I could see that she believed I’d let Aaron down. And I didn’t disagree with her. All I could do was walk away, because I knew that if I touched her she really would try to hit me.
After the funeral I silently promised I would stay out of her life and move on with my own, but it was hard. I still cared about her more than I should. So I kept our contact to a minimum when I was back in town. It was easier for both of us, and eventually things between us got less hostile and awkward. We matured and learned a little more about ourselves, and a whole lot about bipolar disorder and depression. We grieved separately, but the pain over losing Aaron tied us together indefinitely. I buried myself in work and became even more of a chronic bachelor, and Kody, she committed to being an even bigger pain in the ass than she already was. I resigned myself to the fact that we would never be friends, but we would always be almost family.