Lady Leonora hung her head. “I should not have left the house that night. I should not have gone to the masquerade in the first place. I should not have wandered off without my sister. I should not have—”
“Perhaps not,” Drake agreed, waiting until she lifted her gaze once more. “Yes, I suppose it is fair to say that you made a mistake. Still, does that mean that any woman out on her own is fair game? Do we not live in a society where we are protected by our laws? Do we truly want to place blame on the victim instead of the attacker? Is that the world we wish to live in? Simply because it is so, it does not mean it should be.” Shaking his head, Drake turned away. He needed a moment to collect his thoughts. Indeed, he had said more than he had intended to.
Her voice was soft when she suddenly spoke again, distant and coming as though from far away. “I still dream of that night,” she whispered before she, too, turned away and stepped over to the window. “I still see that mask, black like most of the others that night. In my dreams, I sometimes find myself staring at it. When I finally work up the courage to reach for it, it moves away. I never can. It is always just out of reach, remaining firmly in place, hiding his face.” A shiver shook her delicate frame, and Drake knew that it was not from the cold of the season.
“Do you think it would help you move on if you knew who it was?” Drake asked, at odds with this direction of their conversation. Never before had he truly spoken to one of the victims he had set out to avenge. “Would it help to unmask him?”
For a long moment, Lady Leonora did not say a word. Then she turned from the window, and her eyes once more found his. “Of course, I cannot be certain. But we often fear what we don’t understand, do we not? At least, if I knew who he was, I would not need to wonder anymore. I would not need to look at each and every one and ask myself if it could have been him.” Again, her head began to bob up and down. “Yes, I do believe it would help.”
“You don’t fear me?” Drake asked unexpectedly, surprising even himself. “What I mean is that when you look at me, I do not see fear in your eyes, at least not since that first moment after we met and your sister and Phineas dashed away.” He frowned. “What changed?” Indeed, he had never been one to inspire trust easily.
Lady Leonora shrugged. “If I only knew.” Her blue eyes returned to linger upon his face as though she hoped to see the answer there. “I cannot explain it. I simply…I feel…” Her teeth sinking into her lower lip as she thought this through most carefully. “What I have observed is that whenever you are nearby, I feel…more like myself. I don’t know why that is, but somehow your presence has become reassuring.” Her forehead furrowed. “I don’t know why I trust you, but…I suppose I do. I must or I would not have come here, would I?” Her hands fell from her arms, and she began to pace along the front of the windows. “You left, and all of a sudden I found myself alone with all these people. Yes, my family was there, but it is different with them. My sister and Phineas as well as my grandmother are the only ones who know, and yet, I…I do not want them to have to look after me all the time. Louisa and Phineas are newlyweds. They ought to have time to themselves. They ought to be happy. I don’t want to be a burden to them, to any of them.” She stopped in her tracks, then looked up at him. “I’m sorry to put this on you. It is not fair, and I suppose I should not have come here for the very same reason. I’m sorry. You were most kind, and I—”
“You are not a burden,” Drake insisted quite vehemently, cutting off her words. “I’m glad to help you because it is the right thing to do. Society at large might think otherwise, but they are wrong. You deserve to have someone stand by your side, and that vermin deserves to be put down for what he has done.” Anger once more simmered in his blood, and Drake wondered if it would ever leave him.
He doubted it very much.
“I only want to forget,” Lady Leonora whispered, tears coming to her eyes. “I feel so tired lately, so tired of it all. I’m constantly afraid and worried, and I simply don’t feel strong enough for that anymore. I simply want to forget and return to my old life.” She shook her head sadly, and a single tear spilled over and ran down her cheek. “I’m afraid I’ll never be able to. What if I can never forget? What if my life will always be thus? I do not think I could bear it.”
Drake had never been confronted by another’s pain in such a way. It was a whole new experience for him, and he was not certain how to respond. “Quite truthfully, I do not believe it wise to try and forget, Lady Leonora.”
Lifting her head in surprise, the young woman blinked away the tears that still lingered. “Whyever not? Is it not the only way to continue on, to reclaim a semblance of the life I had before?”
Drake heaved a dark sigh, wondering if he truly ought to speak what was on his mind. After all, he might be wrong or perhaps what he had learned might not apply to her. People were different in many ways. “In my experience, everyone has a dark side. It is not the same for everyone, but it is there nonetheless. Admit to it, and you shall be fine. Suppress it or pretend it does not exist, and it shall torment you for the rest of your life.”
Her blue eyes remained on his, and he could see her absorbing all he had said. Drake wondered if it might frighten her; however, the look upon her face spoke of someone intrigued. “What you say does make sense,” Lady Leonora finally concluded; still, that look of exhaustion and helplessness remained upon her face. “Perhaps forget is the wrong word. Yes, I suppose you’re right. These things cannot be forgotten. They can be suppressed, yes, but they are never truly gone, are they?” She blinked, then looked up at him. “Then what do I do? If I cannot forget, then what do I do? I need to…I need to face what happened, do I not? But how?”
Drake did not have an answer to that. Thus far, he had always been the one to avenge a deed most vile. He had not undone what had happened, but he had made those responsible suffer. It had not been justice as it had not undone the other’s suffering, but to him at least it had been a step in the right direction.
A dark scoff left her lips. “Face it?” Another scoff followed. “The thought feels…ludicrous. How can I face something when I’m afraid all the time? Shadows lurk everywhere, and I cannot help but wonder what hides behind each and every smile to greet me. What do I do?”
Drake knew that what she needed most was an answer. It was becoming more and more obvious that she wanted that answer from him. She was desperate and close to breaking down no matter how strong she appeared at times. “I will do what I can to help you,” Drake assured her, not knowing what else to say. After all, the most dangerous predators were the ones one did not fear. What did it feel like to look around from face to face and wonder at each and every one if an attack was imminent? Every time she spoke to a gentleman, she had to wonder if he had been the one to seize her that night. Every time a gentleman asked her to dance, she not only had to battle the fear that lived in her heart, but also to wonder, had it been him?
Drake could not imagine living like that, and he knew he would do everything within his power to help bring her peace of mind…if it was possible after what she had suffered. To him, those who looked away and did nothing were equally to blame, were they not?