This time it landed with a satisfying smack, and a wide grin came to her face as she felt the strength of the punch reverberate through her arm.
Lord Pemberton nodded. “Better.” He gestured for her to return into position. “Again.”
Leonora found that she did so most willingly. Indeed, she had never expected such physical training to give her such confidence and enjoyment. She felt every part of her body, was aware of her own limitations as well as her own strength, and it felt good. Yes, in the beginning, she was hesitant and uncertain of herself, but as the exercise progressed, she began to feel more at ease. Her face felt flushed, and her breath came in fast pants. The muscles in her arm began to ache, and before long, she had to fight against a sense of exhaustion. Still, it only spurred her on. It was a challenge, and she wanted to master it.
At the end of each of their training days, Leonora returned home, feeling exhausted, but at peace. It was the strangest sensation. Now, it was her body that ached and demanded rest and consideration while her heart was almost dancing with joy, completely at ease and perfectly satisfied.
Leonora could see upon her family’s faces that they too had noticed the change in her. However, most of them refrained from mentioning anything. Only Grandma Edie chuckled every so often when her gaze fell upon her granddaughter, a knowing twinkle in her eyes.
Although Leonora doubted that her skill had improved to a degree where she would indeed be able to defend herself, the training alone gave her strength and confidence. She found she stood taller now, and whenever she accompanied her family to a social function, she no longer felt the need to hide in a corner. Yes, the company of others still unsettled her, but now it was as though she had a weapon in her arsenal with which to defend herself. It was not the knowledge of how best to land a punch, but instead her ability to remain calm and collected, to count her breaths and her heartbeats and not allow her emotions to drag her off in a panic. Indeed, Lord Pemberton had stepped close to her countless times, that distance she had needed between them before no longer existent. Of course, it had been necessary, and he had never once touched her without asking permission first. His nearness still unsettled Leonora, but she trusted him. She knew she was safe with him, could see it in his eyes every time he looked at her.
“Thank you,” Leonora all but blurted out one such afternoon. “Thank you for your help, for…for everything.” She looked at him, the expression upon his face making her wonder what he was thinking in that moment. “I was so caught up in these daily struggles that I had not realized I had never told you how grateful I am for your assistance in this matter.”
Lord Pemberton turned away, a spark of displeasure in his eyes. “There is no need,” he said brusquely. “It is nothing.”
Unable to see his face, Leonora watched him as he kept his back to her, wondering why her words had upset him. “To me, it is not nothing. Before, I had no hope of ever…moving past this. I thought I had lost everything, every chance for happiness. Now…” She shrugged, inhaling a deep breath.
Slowly, Lord Pemberton turned around, the spark of displeasure now gone, replaced by a sense of intrigue as he stepped forward and looked at her. “Do you relive what happened when someone steps too close?”
Leonora had not expected such a question, and it made her flinch. She could see that her reaction was all but an answer to him.
Lord Pemberton nodded knowingly and began to approach, slowly, carefully, his gaze fixed on hers, watchful, gauging her reaction. “How did he attack you?”
Leonora wanted to turn and run. Her feet jerked, urging her to comply, but she knew that if she ran now, she would be running for the rest of her life. And so, she lifted her gaze and held on to Lord Pemberton’s inquisitive eyes. “He grabbed me from behind.” The moment the words left her lips, that sense of helplessness and panic washed over her again, and she had to grit her teeth to keep herself in place.
The look upon Lord Pemberton’s face told her that he saw every one of these emotions flash over her face. “Close your eyes,” he told her, now standing only an arm’s length away from her. “Close your eyes.”
Leonora’s rational mind still seemed to function, analyzing the situation and concluding that once more facing that moment of her past might help her in eventually overcoming it. Still, her heart almost beat out of her chest, and fear raised goosebumps upon her skin. If she closed her eyes, would the memory of that night materialize in front of her? It did so at night in her dreams.
“Close your eyes. Trust me.”
Leonora held his gaze a moment longer, looking for something that would reassure her. She could not say what it was or put a name on it, but a few heartbeats later, she felt brave enough to do as he bid her.
And so, Leonora finally closed her eyes, shutting out the world around her and allowing herself to be drawn back to the night of the masquerade.
Chapter Fifteen
Memory Lane
Drake felt like a beast for demanding this of her. Her whole body was shaking, and she held her fists clenched at her sides. Was she even aware of it? Her eyes were not merely closed but pinched shut as though she wished to keep something out, afraid to look upon it once more.
Drake knew about demons, had battled a few of his own. “Turn around,” he told her, trying his best to keep all emotion from his voice.
For a brief moment, Lady Leonora hesitated. Then, however, she slowly moved until her back was to him. She inhaled a shuddering breath, and her arms rose to wrap around herself.
Drake slowly moved closer until he stood right behind her, until she could feel his breath upon her neck.
A tremor went through her, but she did not flinch. She did not back away or run. She stayed, her fingers digging into her arms as she fought for control.
“May I place my hands upon your shoulders?” Drake asked carefully. He did not want to make her bolt, but she needed to relive that moment, once again feel that terror and helplessness.
After an endless moment, Lady Leonora nodded.
Inhaling a slow breath, Drake lifted his hands and then carefully lowered them down upon her shoulders. Instantly, her head flew back and she drew in a sharp breath, a new tremor running through her body. Drake could feel the tremor as it jumped into his own. “Breathe,” he told her calmly, keeping his hands in place. “Breathe. Focus your mind. You are safe. You are safe here. No one will harm you. Breathe.”
Lady Leonora gave an almost imperceptible nod, and he could feel her shoulders rise and fall with each slow breath she forced down into her body. Her fingers were still digging into her arms, and that tremor returned every now and then, shaking her like a leaf.
“What then?” Drake demanded, guiding her memory as carefully as he could. “What did he do?”
Unable to see her face, Drake only had her breathing and her tremors to go by. Every step she took in her thoughts caused a similar reaction, one triggered by fear and revulsion. Yet, she continued moving forward. “He spun me around,” she whispered, her voice barely audible, “and pushed me against the wall.”
Drake felt her tense, no doubt expecting him to do just that. Of course, he would not. Not like that. It would no doubt push her over the edge. He needed her to remain in control, to remain calm and able to act. “Keep your eyes closed,” he told her, slowly removing his hands from her shoulders. “Then turn around.”