He gave her a penetrating look. “You know how lucky we are, right? How real our relationship is? We really are what Hunter and Francine want to be. We are already there. They still have to prove themselves.”
He mocked the speeches they made. “Soul mates, my ass,” he muttered in Daisy’s ear when a friend of Francine read a long, ridiculous ode to the couple.
Much later, when all the pomp and theatrics ended, people were encouraged to dance, and Daisy insisted that Asher come with her outside to a private balcony. The live music was still audible. Laughing, she spun around and wrapped her arms around him, demanding that he concentrate on her. “I should not allow your mean, sarcastic, nasty summation of those two and this event amuse me, but I have to admit I almost snorted a few times.”
“Mark my words. She will do him dirty.”
She touched his mouth and tried to rub away his frown. “But tonight? He doesn’t need to know it. You would only lose him if you told him, even if you sanitized your observations, he would just turn away from you and despise you later. By staying quiet, you can continue to be his friend. Just try to be there for him when the heartbreak takes place.”
Relaxing with her arms around his neck, they fell into a natural sway to the music before they started dancing. It was a slow dance. They mostly just shuffled their feet and used it as an excuse to hold each other close. “We have so much more than they do. We deserve all this splendor and pageantry, not them,” he muttered as he planted a kiss on her mouth.
They fell quiet and allowed the ambience of the night to fill their senses: sounds of city traffic below, bright lights, stars twinkling overhead. The mild temperatures and clear weather made it unusually dry for that time of year. Asher closed his eyes, relishing how Daisy felt in his arms, close against his chest. Her heart was beating as fast as his. They embodied the real deal. He knew it and she knew it. They didn’t need a crowd to validate it. Or fireworks to celebrate it. They simply knew what they were.
Another song came on and they nestled in each other’s arms. Little kisses and squeezes made it more romantic, and the love and care they shared was undeniable.
Holding Daisy, Asher’s heart felt like it could break.
“Watching them…” he started, unable to keep his thoughts to himself, even when they were awkward. Never with Daisy. They always told each other exactly what they were thinking. Even the stuff that was hard to explain. Especially that stuff.
“It should be us. Yes, I agree,” she finished for him.
He nodded and so did she with their arms jointly wrapped around each other.
What? What changed? What happened? How did they go from criticizing Hunter’s choice for a bride to casual dancing and then… what? There was a distinct change and Asher not only sensed it, he could confirm it when she sniffled. Daisy was crying.
He separated far enough to put his hand under her chin and tilt her face to his. Tears glistened on her cheeks. His heart pounded so hard, he felt it hit his rib cage. His thumb gently touched the wet stains, but he didn’t wipe them away.
“But… but we’re not, are we, Daisy?”
“No. I—I want to move home in the fall, after I graduate. Be with you. Live at your ranch.”
“But you have things you need to do still.”
Her breath came out in a shuddered sigh. Finally, she said simply, “Yes.”
“I know that. I’ve known for awhile. Not the details of what or where, but that you weren’t done. Hell, I’ve always known that.”
“I didn’t.”
“I knew that too.”
She flopped her head back down on his chest. More squeezing, almost so tightly he couldn’t breathe. “Will you wait?”
“Forever,” Asher replied with no hesitation. Then he lifted her chin to look at him again. “If there was a remote chance that our lives could line up at some point, I wouldn’t worry. But, Daisy, how? When? I’ve wondered about that since our first date. I find it difficult to plot a trajectory that would allow us to stay together without one of us losing a major part of ourselves.”
“Is it really so bad? So dramatic?”
“Do you really see yourself living on my ranch?”
“I could live other places. Maybe somewhere less isolated? Somewhere in between?”
“Yes. But I can’t deprive you of your dreams. I know what they are, Daisy. They’re big and bold and variable. Unfortunately, they aren’t in River’s End. And they don’t include settling on a ranch. They pertain to law school and accomplishing things that will most likely take you to all kinds of different places. Of course, you will always come home; you love being home with your family, and me. But Daisy, seriously, how can that work? I can’t fit in with your plans and you’ll just wilt from boredom and lack of inspiration with mine.”
She shuddered at hearing his words. “You say it so coldly. How can you act like you’re okay with it?”
“Because I say it with a broken heart and soul. The point I never wanted to articulate. I hoped things would change and with time, we could figure it out. Living for the day or the week or the month used to soothe us and heal all the differences. But my constant fear was that we’d end up here.”
“Here, meaning you’re ready to move on with your life. Hunter is getting married and that means a lot more to you now.”
He sighed. “I don’t think I want to get married yet. But it’s in my foreseeable plans. It could happen someday, and I have to hope for us to find a way to be together.”
Her entire body collapsed against his. “Asher, I can’t live without you.”
“You can’t live with me either. I don’t know how to reconcile the gap. I don’t want my life without you in it either. But I can’t stand the thought that a decade from now, the bright light that burns inside you could be blown out. Or that you settled with me. For much less in life than your ambitious, dream-filled, curiosity and drive deserve. You have to live the fullest life you can. No matter how you try to gloss over it. You were never flaky. Your strong will and love of life and learning keep you searching and conquering all your diverse goals. I love you, Daisy. I can’t allow you to settle for so much less than you deserve.”
Fat tears streamed from her eyes. She lifted her face to stare up at him. First sniffles and then sobs followed his words, which seemed to hammer her. He held her and she threw her arms around his neck. She sobbed against him and Asher began to cry too. Silently. Emptily. Knowingly. A deep, darkness overcame him.
This was finally it.
The end. Something he always feared and dreaded. Despite all of her hope and optimism that it would not be so, in his innermost thoughts, which he dared not admit until now, he knew it was inevitable. One of them would have to give up a key part of themselves or it would not work. Neither could be the person they were meant to be. He could no more share her lifestyle than she could be content working on the ranch and land that he loved, and which defined him.
It seemed like forever while she cried in his arms. Finally, after draining almost all the liquid from her body, she fell silent. Clinging to each other, she stepped back. Her eyes were red and the hope he usually saw on her face was gone. “How do we do this? Just break up?”