She shivers.
“Okay?” I repeat.
She nods.
“Get some sleep. I’m gonna go, deal with my day. What do you wanna do for dinner tonight?” I tuck her hair behind her ear.
She says nothing. She’s just staring at me with that panic in her eyes.
“Forget everything for now. I’ll go do my thing, you get some rest, and then we’ll have dinner tonight. Today is a good day. Day one where you wake up not worrying about that schmuck. Okay? That’s all.”
She pulls her lips tight.
“What do you want to eat tonight?” I ask and play with a lock of her hair.
She considers this. “What do you feel like?”
Relief floods me at the change of emotion, at how her face relaxes.
“How about I make pizza?”
Light sparks just a little in her eyes. It’s enough.
“From scratch?”
“Yeah. From scratch. Or mostly. I don’t have time to make dough today, but I’ll put it together with my own two hands.” I wiggle my fingers.
“Very capable hands, from what I can tell, I must say.” She shows me her dimples and I can’t help but grab her and pull her tight to me, relieved that the mention of me cooking for her has canceled out her panic. “You gonna sleep for a bit?” I ask this into her hair, taking in her scent, her warmth.
She nods, melting into me. “I’m so sleepy.”
“Okay, baby. Text me when you wake up.”
49
Violet
I roll out of Killian’s bed at 11:35. I’m shocked I was able to fall asleep after he left.
The fireplace is still going. The bed feels ridiculously cozy. And I’m naked.
I’m naked and I’m smiling.
Wow.
WOW.
Okay, so, I don’t want to get freaked out too much at him wanting me to move my stuff here, obviously meaning he wants me to live here, but can’t help that it makes my heart race with panic.
But despite that, I feel like I’m floating. I float to the master bathroom and use the facilities and then I run a bath and soak in it. I float in hot bubbles with a huge smile on my face as I recall in delicious, vivid detail all the dirty things he can do with that mouth. Those fingers. And that gloriously thick, long, skilled part of him.
The sounds he makes when he’s coming. The attentiveness to me. The eye contact. How he makes me feel beautiful.
And then cuddling. Spooning. After he gets me a drink.
I soak for a good while, then I head into his shower to shampoo my hair. I find a bathrobe on the back of the door and decide to wear it.
It’s a soft, dark blue robe that drags along the floor with too-long sleeves as I float to the kitchen where I get coffee and sit down with a big smile on my face as I continue to think about him.
Eventually it hits me that I should check my phone. I get it from my room, noticing my car key is there but the rest of my keys are gone.
I bite my lip thinking about that, about a life with him, here, in this place. Permanently. Too soon to think that way. Isn’t it? I look around at the surroundings. Could this be my life? I’m not materialistic, but this home is beautiful. And Killian… Killian is something else. Something I lusted after for a hot minute three years ago. When I saw him on that third anniversary, I never imagined sleeping with him, never imagined feeling like this so fast.
And then my mind strays to Ray. Is he gone? Did he leave town? Is this really, truly over?
I text to Killian:
Good morning again
and then I return a missed call from Susanna who called just fifteen minutes earlier. It’s probably her lunch hour, so I dial and she answers on the first ring.
“Hey. Good. Hey. You’re not at work.” She sounds hyper.
“No. I took a couple personal days,” I say, and I’m about to continue talking, but she cuts me off.
“So, I’m coming over after work so I can be there with you for the waiting game or whatever it’s gonna be. What if dickhead doesn’t come up with the cash? What then? Have you had the nerve to ask Killian? Because I’ve thought a lot about this and maybe it’s better that you don’t ask. I don’t wanna say too much over the phone because anyone could be listening, but maybe it’s better to never ask questions. All that matters is that the son of a bitch is out of your life for good, right? You don’t need to know how that happens, you-”
“Whoa. Hold up there, SusieQ. Can I talk for a second?”
“Violet, listen to me… the dickhead is poison. He might be better off put out of his misery, and face it, there’s a good chance that’s how he’ll eventually wind up. Face down in a gutter. So, whether it’s now or later – don’t ask, don’t tell. Okay?”
“It’s already over!” I blurt, loud, so she’ll stop talking for a second.
“It’s what?”
“He showed up at Killian’s club last night with the money.”
“He what?”
“Yep.”
“What? Money? Like… non-Monopoly money? Actual cheddah? How much was it?”
Susanna sounds baffled. And rightly so.
“I know; I don’t know where it came from, but that’s what happened. Fourteen g’s. It was weird and awful and also amazing, because I told him what I thought of him. He thought I was actually gonna go back home with him and pick up where we left off. Can you believe that shit?”
“Holy shit.”
“Right? And that’s not all…” I take a sip of my coffee.
“What? Tell me! What?”
I smile.
“What, Violet? What?”
“Are you sitting down?”
“Out with it, bestie, so help me…”
“I jumped Killian’s bones when we got back.”
Dead air for a second. I’m about to ask if she’s still there when I hear background noise.
“Sorry. I had to sit down. Keep talkin’,” she finally says.
“Then I tried to escape, thinking I was losing my-”
“You didn’t! Now I’m standing up again.”
“Only temporarily. I came to my senses sometime between midnight and dawn.”
“Oh? Oh! Are you saying you spent the night with him?”
“I am.” My face splits into a smile.
“And?”
“And he wants it to be the beginning, not a one-off, so… it’s the beginning.” I’m smiling so wide. “And do you wanna come to Numbers for a fun night tomorrow night,” I add. “I’m gonna call a couple of the girls from work.”
“Not that and. And how was last night?” She sounds so annoyed with me.
I sigh heavily. “I’m on cloud nine,” I tell her. “Cloud ninety-nine.”
“He’s good in bed? I knew it. The way he walks, the way he carries himself, girl… I had a feeling. Please tell me he exceeds expectations.”
I sober. “Well…”
There’s dead silence on the other end of the line as she waits, but I can feel her deflating.
“I’m surprised I’m walking today. I should be on medical bedrest,” I whisper.
Susanna giggles and then sighs. “So it was good.”