“Have you talked to Pen yet?” she asked quietly.
“No,” my chin wobbled, and I knew I was close to losing it again. When I woke up the next day after crying myself to sleep, I knew I couldn’t stay at Pen’s place any longer, so I packed everything back in my car and drove home. The worst of the danger was over, and all I wanted to do was be somewhere I wouldn’t see Remy everywhere I looked. Once I got home, I fell onto my couch and had been there ever since. It felt like I hadn’t stopped crying since.
“What are you waiting for?”
“I don’t want her to leave the tour so she can come and pick up the pieces of my life once again. Pen deserves to be happy, and she’s finally found it.”
Resting her head to mine, Lexie spoke softly. “She is happy, but she’d still want to know. She’s your best friend. How would you feel if Pen and Walker broke up and she didn’t tell you?”
“I’d be pissed, but this is different. Remy and I were barely together.” My eyes filled with tears, and I tried to rein in my emotions. “It shouldn’t hurt this much.”
“I know, honey, but it will be okay. Maybe Remy was only put in your life to help you move on, and there’s someone else out there who you’re meant to be with.”
I knew her words were only meant to help, but they didn’t. They stung worse than any other thoughts I’d had since the breakup. I wasn’t sure if I could put myself out there again for another man to trample on my heart.
“Why don’t I draw you up a hot bath and maybe make you some tea? I think that’ll make you feel better.”
She was probably right. A nice shower or bath always made things better. Even if it was only a small amount, it would be better than nothing.
“That would be nice. Thank you for coming over here to check in on me. I know I can’t mope around and cry forever.”
She stood and helped me up before guiding me to my bathroom. “It’s okay to be sad. You saw something in him that spoke to your heart.”
“What if I never find someone? Am I destined to be alone for the rest of my life? Maybe I should get a cat and start hoarding them now.”
Lexie turned on the water and tested it before adding some oils to it and looked to me. “I can’t say when you’ll find your someone, but he’s out there. I know he is. He has to be because you deserve to be loved.”
I wanted to believe her, but it was hard when I couldn’t understand why Remy had ended things.
Stepping to me, Lexie took me in her arms and gave me a big hug. “Get in the water, and I’ll bring you your tea when it’s ready, okay?”
All I could do was nod and hug her back. Once I was alone in the bathroom, I stood in front of the mirror and took in my disheveled state. I was a mess with my hair all tangled, looking like a bird had started a nest in it. My eyes were red-rimmed with dark circles underneath them, and my skin was pale.
Doing as ordered, I removed my clothes and threw them in the trash, not wanting to see them again.
Slowly, I lowered myself into the steaming water. With each inch submerged, I felt my body relax a little more until only a small amount of my shoulders and head were above water. The smell of lavender filled the room, further relaxing me until all thoughts seized. I was only in the here and now.
A few minutes later, Lexie came in and crouched beside the tub. She spoke quietly, as if she was afraid she might break the peaceful bubble I found myself in. “Do you want me to stay?”
Keeping my eyes closed, I spoke just as quietly. “You can go. Thank you for everything you’ve done. I already feel better. Once I get out of here, I’m going to sleep, but I’ll call you whenever I wake up.”
“If you’re sure,” she said lightly.
“I am.” I nodded and felt little waves of water lap at my neck.
“Okay, I’ll lock your door and talk to you tomorrow. If you need anything at all, Ryder and I are here for you.”
Cracking one eye open, I raised my hand and patted the hand she had perched on the side of the tub. “I know you are. Thank you again. I really needed this.”
She patted my hand with her other one before she stood and left. Sitting up a little more, I took a sip of the tea Lexie had made for me. It warmed my insides just as the water was doing to the rest of my body, making me relax even further. Sinking deeper into the water until only my face wasn’t submerged, I closed my eyes again and took in the smell of lavender. All of it combined was enough to have me fall asleep in the water.
Not wanting to drown from heartache, I decided to get out. After drying myself off, I wrapped my fluffy towel around me, took my tea, and got into bed. Taking another sip of tea, I lay down and pulled my comforter up to my chin, letting the warmth from my bath, tea, and blanket lull me to sleep.
Waking up to darkness, I had no idea how long I’d slept. My phone wasn’t on my bedside table, and the curtains were drawn tight so as to not let in any light. What I did know was I felt better. Did I still feel sad over Remy? Yes, I wasn’t sure when or if that ache would ever go away, but I’d live. I knew I had to get back to living my life the best way I knew how and that involved calling my best friend to let her know my heart had been broken but I was okay, get back to writing my book, and finding some food because I was starving.
Getting out of bed, I got ready and pulled my still messy hair into a bun, so I didn’t scare any of the patrons at our local coffee shop. I walked along the beach from my house with my laptop in hand as I traveled down to The Dream Bean. It was only about a ten-minute walk, but feeling the sun on my face for only a few minutes along with the sleep had done me wonders.
I bought their biggest coffee and a blueberry muffin to devour and took them outside on their back patio to watch a group of guys play volleyball. Once I finished my coffee, I went inside to get another. Getting comfortable, I opened my laptop and read the last bit of what I’d previously written since it had been so long. After catching myself up, I placed my fingers on the keys and started to type. I wrote without a break; it was long enough for my coffee to go cold and the sun to dramatically shift in the sky. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d written three chapters in one sitting. I would have kept going if my laptop hadn’t flashed a notification to let me know its battery was almost dead.
With each minute of the day that passed since I woke up, I felt more and more like myself. How could I let a man almost ruin me? Again? Picking up my laptop and cold coffee, I vowed to myself I’d never let a man wreck me or break my heart again.
As I got close to my house, I saw Lexie, Ryder, and their daughter out on the beach splashing in the water. I could hear Delilah’s squeals each time the water went over her feet, making me smile. I wasn’t sure why seeing them out there together now over all the other times I’d seen them made me want a family more than any other, but it did.
I waved to them, not wanting to interrupt their family time as I went up the walk to my place. Once again, I was hungry with no food in my house. The muffin I’d had earlier wasn’t cutting it after so many days without food. Pulling out my phone, I pulled up my favorite Chinese restaurant, deciding I’d treat myself to a feast. My finger hovered over the order button when I heard a knock on my sliding glass door. Lexie rarely came to the front door. It was kind of how we knew it wasn’t a salesman. I didn’t bother getting up, knowing she’d let herself in.