"Oh. How about somewhere else? The place down the street has good desserts."
"Maybe we should just go back to your house and watch a movie."
"We always do that. I wanted tonight to be special. What about that French place on the other side of town? They have good desserts."
"Nate, I don't want dessert. And you didn't even finish your dinner. You're not hungry for dessert."
"Then let's go for a drink. And not at the brewery. Someplace better than that. How about the wine bar?"
"I don't drink wine."
"They have other drinks. They have a whole cocktail menu."
"Okay, what's going on here?"
"I don't know what you mean."
"This whole evening doesn't make sense. Why are we all dressed up and at this fancy restaurant? Are we celebrating something? Did you get a job and you're waiting to tell me?"
"No. It's nothing like that."
"Then what is it? Why are you acting so strange?"
"Let's get out of here. You ready?"
"We're still waiting on the to-go box."
Just as I say it, the waitress drops it off. Nate hands her the money for the check. "It's all set."
"Thanks! Have a good evening!"
Nate quickly scoops his pasta into the container, spilling parts of it on the white tablecloth. I don't know what's going on, but this is not the Nate I know. I've never seen him act this way. He said almost nothing during dinner, and when I tried to talk to him, he didn't even hear me. His mind is somewhere else tonight, but I don't know where. It could be the job interview. He said he did well, but maybe he didn't. Maybe it didn't go well and he's been replaying it in his head all night.
"Where are we going?" I ask as he pulls out of the parking lot.
"The park. The one with the fountain."
"At night? It's almost dark out."
"They added lights. Turned them on last week. I want to go check it out."
"Okay," I say, going along with it.
It's a warm summer night and a stroll through the park might be nice. It'd be even nicer if I were with Brad. I was thinking about him all through dinner. If he'd come along, he would've talked the whole time. Brad would've been laughing and joking around. It would've been a lot more fun with him there, especially since Nate shut down and wouldn't talk.
Since Nate's been back, we don't laugh like we used to or have as much fun. He's more serious now, and he keeps telling me what I should do, like tonight when he suggested I find a better job. The other day he gave me a brochure for online classes, telling me I should consider taking a class or two. But he knows I've already considered it and decided it's not for me. I wish he'd just accept that and stop pushing me to do stuff I don't want to do.
We arrive at the park, which has little white lights strung along all the trees.
"This is beautiful," I say as we walk along the path. "I didn't even know they were doing this."
"My mom told me about it."
He takes my hand and holds it as we walk. We hold hands all the time, which is probably why people always look at us like we're a couple.
As we continue along the path, he gives my hand a squeeze and says, "You mean so much to me, Riley. I hope you know that."
"You mean a lot to me too."
"I've really missed you these last four years. It was hard to be away from you."
"Yeah, but it was practice for what's to come. You'll be moving away soon and then I may only see you once or twice a year."
"I don't want that to happen."
"I don't either, but it's life. You have to go where you get a job."
He stops just before we reach the fountain. "Let's sit down."
We walk over to one of the benches and take a seat.
"They even lit up the fountain," I say, noticing the lights coming from the base. "Oh, and look, they change colors."
"Yeah. It's nice." He turns to face me. "Riley, I need to say something."
"Go ahead."
He picks up my hand and holds it as he takes a deep breath. "I don't know how to say this."
"Nate, whatever it is, just tell me. We're best friends. We've never had problems telling each other stuff."
"This time it's different."
"Why? What is it?"
He takes another deep breath. "I don't want this summer to be the end for us. Wherever I get a job, I want you to come with me. If you don't want to go to wherever the job is, then I'll keep looking until we find a place we both agree on."
"Nate, what are you—"
"Just let me finish." He looks down at our joined hands. "We've been friends for a long time now and I know we never talked about being anything more than that, but just because we haven't talked about it doesn't mean I haven't thought about it."
"You told me you hadn't thought about it."
"I have." He pauses. "A lot. I never said anything because I didn't want it to hurt our friendship. And I was away at college, so it really didn't make sense to say anything then. But now we're older and I'll be moving away and starting a new life somewhere else, and when I think about that, I can't imagine doing that without you." His eyes meet up with mine. "I want you in my life, Riley, now and in the future. Maybe it won't work out, but I at least want to try."
My heart's racing, and not because I'm excited for what he's about to say, but because I don't want him to say it.
This isn't what I want. I thought he knew that. I thought he felt the same way. We're Nate and Riley. Best friends. Nothing more. That's all we were ever supposed to be.
"Riley." He pauses. "I love you."
Oh, God, now what? What do I say? He's sitting there, staring into my eyes, looking so sincere and hopeful, waiting for a response I can't give him.
"Riley, did you hear me? I love you. I love you with all my heart. I want my future to be with you."
I nod, swallowing and feeling the burn in my throat as I try not to cry. Nate is my best friend, and the last thing I'd ever want to do is hurt him. Knowing I have to tell him this is killing me.
"What do you say? Think we can try this?" He gives me a smile, the same sweet, caring smile that has helped me through many bad days.
A tear slips down my cheek. "I'm sorry, Nate." I shake my head, more tears falling. "I don't feel the same way."
"You don't?" He drops my hand and scoots back on the bench. "Riley, it's okay. I mean, I wasn't expecting you to say it back. Not tonight. I know you weren't expecting this, but now that you know, I think if you give it some time, you'll realize you really do feel the same way."
"No." I look down, then back up at him. "I won't. I love you, Nate, but as a friend. Almost like a brother. But not in the way you're talking about. It's not like I haven't thought about it over the years. And I wanted to feel that way." I look down at the bench. "I just didn't."
"And you still don't?" I hear him say.