"No," I say, more tears streaming down my face. "I'm so sorry, Nate. I wish I felt differently. I really do. You're the absolute greatest guy, and some girl's going to be really lucky to have you someday. That girl just isn't me."
"But if we gave it some time. Tried dating."
I shake my head. "It won't change anything. I can't make myself feel something I don't."
He's silent, and when I look up, my heart breaks seeing the sadness on his face, the tears rolling down his cheeks.
"Nate, I'm so sorry." I reach over and hug him. "I never wanted to hurt you. I'm so sorry."
He wraps his arms around me, holding me close as we both cry. I feel like this is the end of our friendship, but this can't be the end. It may take some time, but we have to recover from this, move past it, and go back to being Nate and Riley.
"Please don't be mad at me," I say, wiping my eyes as I pull back from him.
"I'm not." He turns away from me, wiping his face.
"Nate, I wish I felt differently. I really do but—"
"Riley, stop. We don't need to keep talking about it. I get it."
I take his hand. "Would you please look at me?"
He turns around. His eyes are red and full of tears.
"Promise me we'll always be friends. Promise me that'll never change."
He wipes his eyes and looks away. "I can't promise you that, Riley. I don't think you realize what it's like to love someone this way and not be able to be with the person. And it'll be even worse if I have to see you with someone else." He pulls his hand from mine.
My heart breaks even more. "What are you saying? We're not going to be friends anymore?"
"We're still friends, but I don't think it'll be forever. Even if I wasn't in love with you, we still would've drifted apart. Once I get a job and move away, we won't talk as much. We'll see each other once, maybe twice a year. We'll be busy with our lives and drift apart."
"Nate, don't say that. If we want to make it work, we will."
"It'll never happen, Riley. We could tell ourselves we'll stay friends, but eventually our friendship would end. And if either of us meets someone, they won't want us being friends."
"I'd never date a guy who told me I can't be friends with you."
"Riley, it's gonna happen. We're gonna get older and grow apart. If we were together, we'd have a chance. That's why I wanted you to come with me wherever I ended up. But that was when I thought you loved me." He looks down.
I don't know what to say. I wish I could tell him yes, I'll go with him and we'll be together forever. But I can't. I don't love him that way.
He stands up. "Let's get out of here."
I follow beside him as we walk back along the path, surrounded by the twinkling lights in the trees that had me smiling and happy just minutes ago. Now I want to hurry past them, never wanting to see them again. They'll just remind me of this night, a night I don't want to remember.
As we hurry to the parking lot, Nate doesn't hold my hand. When we get to the car, he doesn't open my door. We ride in silence back to the trailer, and when we get there, he waits for me to get out of the car, then speeds off.
I run in the trailer and to my room, sobbing. Mourning the loss of my best friend. Why did he have to do this? Why did he have to ruin everything?
There's a knock on my door. "Honey?"
"Mom, I can't talk now," I say, sniffling.
She opens the door, wearing cut-off shorts and a tank top. "What happened?"
"Nate ended our friendship."
"He WHAT?" She races over to me. "Why would he do that?"
"Because he loves me." I break down crying.
"Oh, sugar." She hugs me into her chest and I smell the perfume Dave gave her. It smells horrible, like pine trees mixed with roses. I think he got it at the gas station he works at. "I'm gonna kick that boy's ass."
"No." I sit up, wiping my face. "Mom, don't say anything to him. And don't be mad at him. He's just upset right now because I don't love him the way he wants me to. Maybe once he's had time to calm down and think about things, he'll want to be friends again."
"Hey, Charlene, we going?" I hear Dave yell.
"Can't now, darlin'. Gotta be with my girl."
"Mom, just go. I'll be fine."
"You sure?"
"Yeah. Go. I have to sleep. I have work in the morning."
She stands up. "Call if you need me."
"I will. Bye."
She leaves and I hear her say, "Men are pigs."
"What'd I do?" Dave asks.
"Wasn't talking about you, sugar." She laughs and I hear the door shut as they leave.
My phone rings and I check to see if it's Nate. It's not him. It's a number I don't recognize.
I sniffle and clear my throat before answering. "Hello?"
"Hey, Riley. What's going on with you and Nate?"
"Who is this?"
"Brad," he says with a laugh. "You don't know my voice by now?"
"Not over the phone."
"So what's going on with you and Nate?"
"What do you mean?"
"Nate just got home and was pissed. I asked how his night went and he started cursing and throwing shit and then he went in his room and slammed the door."
"He said he wasn't mad. I knew he was lying. I'm surprised he didn't try to hide it. He never shows his anger."
"I know, which is why I called. Whatever happened really pissed him off. So what happened? You guys get in a fight?"
"We didn't fight. We just talked, and it didn't go well."
"Why? What happened?"
"He planned this whole romantic evening to tell me he loves me. I had no idea that's what tonight was about. I knew something was up with him, but I didn't know what. He was acting strange all through dinner. He barely talked and didn't eat much."
"So he told you this at dinner?"
"No. We went to the park and sat by the fountain. The city just added all these twinkling lights, so it looked really pretty. I'm sure Nate thought it was romantic, which is why he took me there. We sat down and that's when he told me. He said he loves me and wants me to move with him wherever he ends up."
"And what did you say?"
"That I couldn't do it. That I didn't love him. Not in a romantic way."
"Damn," he says with a sigh. "He's probably been working up the courage to tell you that for a long time."
"I guess, although I don't know how long he's felt this way. He had a girlfriend in college last year."
"Having a girlfriend could've been his way of denying his feelings for you, or trying to get rid of those feelings so they wouldn't ruin your friendship. When he figured out those feelings weren't going away, he had to tell you."
"I don't know what to do now. I wish I felt the way he does, but I don't. I can't lie and tell him I do."