Kicks trembled. “Yes.”
Jude dragged the edges of his nails up Kicks’ thighs and forced their gazes to hold. “I’m going to take such good care of you. You’re good and perfect and you deserve it. All you have to do is trust me.”
Kicks let out a heavy whimper and squeezed his eyes shut. He didn’t know what to say—didn’t quite know how to express how needy and terrified he felt. And how ready he was to give in.
So instead, he just went into action. He straddled Jude’s hips, holding his own thighs wide, and let the other man’s hands guide him. He was held open and basked in the feeling of being just barely breached, and then he sank down with a heavy breath at Jude’s urging. Jude’s groan washed over him as he dropped all of his weight, and he was suddenly lost in the man’s expression of pure ecstasy.
“So good. So tight, just like I knew you would be,” Jude said. He breathed out, then reached one hand up and curled it around the front of Kicks’ throat again—just enough pressure to hold him there. “Roll your hips.”
Kicks let out a grunt, and then he did. Pleasure shot up his spine, and it took everything in him to stay present in the moment and not lose himself to his base desires.
“Bloody hell, yes. Just like that.” He dragged one hand up Kicks’ thigh, digging his fingers into his hip, urging him now to lift up and fall back down. “That’s right, fuck yourself. Fuck yourself on my cock.”
Kicks moved mindlessly, ass slapping against Jude’s thighs as he obeyed, his thoughts fading into the pleasure creeping through his limbs and threatening to overwhelm him.
“Look at you.” Jude’s words cut through his haze. “Look at your cock.”
Kicks felt his throat get tight, and he finally allowed himself a glance down. He was thick and red, dribbling from the slit—desperate as Jude’s fingers curled around the base and denied him sensation. Not that he’d need it. He felt Jude’s cock graze his prostate with his next fall, and a grunt escaped his chest.
“I want you to come,” Jude said. He gave him an almost painfully slow stroke from root to tip, cupping the head of his dick before dragging his hand back down. “Give yourself over. Fuck yourself and make it good.”
Squeezing his eyelids, he watched sparks erupt behind his eye, felt how full he was. He let out a sharp grunt when Jude’s hand stroked his cock again, and it only took two short, tight ones before he lost himself.
His orgasm hit without any real warning, his body curving forward. Jude’s hands were pulling him even as he was thrusting up, and he claimed his mouth in a messy, sharp kiss with teeth digging into his lower lip.
He gasped into it as he felt Jude’s hips stutter, as he felt him thicken, as he felt him spill. His breathing was hitched as Jude held him close, and it felt like a short eternity before the man’s hands loosened enough that he could drop to the side.
The silence was profound, almost terrifying. The first time they’d done this, Jude had rejected him with a cutting word and a perfunctory kiss, telling him under no circumstances was the sex supposed to mean anything. And he was preparing himself for that now, even though every fiber of his being wanted more.
He let out a small breath when a warm hand touched the small of his back, and he turned his head so he could see Jude properly. The man was on his side, his cheeks flushed so ruddy that Kicks could see freckles dusting across his skin. He reached out, not really thinking, and traced a line from one to the other.
“You were amazing,” Jude said. “That was so much more than the first time.”
Kicks blinked, winced because something in his eye socket was irritating the lid again, but he still felt a jolt of warm surprise as he reached a hand up to rub at the prosthetic. “It was definitely longer.”
Jude rolled his eyes. “Do feelings make you uncomfortable, Emilio?”
With a huff, Kicks turned his head again, digging his thumb under his eyelid, and he popped the eye out and set it on the nightstand. He felt his lid lower over the implant, and there was almost immediate relief from whatever had gotten in there. He twitched, unsure if he should turn back, but he felt Jude run a touch up his spine, then nudge his shoulder.
“I’m not asking for a proposal. I hope you know that.” Jude’s hesitant voice shattered the tension between them.
Kicks turned his face and frowned. “What?”
“I just…” Jude shrugged and rolled his gaze toward the ceiling. “If you’re worried I’m going to be clingy.”
At that, Kicks scoffed and pushed up on his elbows, narrowing his eye at the man beside him. “You gave me the wham, bam, thank you ma’am at the cabin.”
Jude stared at him. “I didn’t.”
Kicks couldn’t help his laugh as he dropped back down and buried his face in the pillow. “Yeah, you did. You were like, hey thanks for the great shag,” he affected a terrible English accent, “now piss off and let me be.” He turned his head back at the sound of Jude’s laughter and found the man holding a hand over his mouth.
“I did, didn’t I?”
“And when we were at Wolfe House, you slept with me, but you barely looked at me.” Kicks shrugged, sobering a little as he shoved one arm under the pillow to prop his head up. “I mean, it was fine. We were strangers. But I wasn’t the one who…you know. Wasn’t interested.”
Jude swallowed thickly, his hand hovering like he wanted to reach over and touch Kicks again, but he held back. “I want to be sorry, but the situation was so…”
“It’s fine,” Kicks interrupted in a rush. He didn’t want an apology. He didn’t know what the fuck he wanted from his man. He just knew that no one had ever made him feel like this before. No one knew how to shatter him, but keep him all in one piece.
“It’s not fine.” Jude pushed up a little, then shifted over and laid one hand on Kicks’ cheek. His thumb stroked along his short beard, then he leaned in, and he kissed him slow and so sweet it was almost painful. “I wasn’t letting myself think about anything but Eliah’s safety. But when I was waiting in the lobby for you—when I wasn’t sure how injured you were…” He trailed off and took a breath. “I felt something then. And I realized I’ve spent most of my past living between moments of worry for my brother, and that wasn’t any kind of life to have.”
Kicks shifted and pulled Jude close, careful of his knee as he gently dragged it to rest between his thighs. The position was the most intimate he’d ever been in before, and he felt their soft cocks between them—a small, erotic sort of thing. “This isn’t a life you can just make do with. It’s why I’ve never bothered trying to connect with anyone. I knew that going in—when Smokey patched me in, when he named me Road Captain. I knew this shit was going to have to come first.”
“I think I know what you mean,” Jude said with a wry grin, and Kicks couldn’t help but roll his eye again.
“Okay, but it’s not the same as becoming a fucking rabbi.”
Jude laughed and shook his head, leaning in to nuzzle his nose against the side of Kicks’ neck. “No, it’s not the same. But it’s not entirely different either.” He pulled back and captured Kicks’ gaze, his thumb brushing his soft, half-closed lid. “No matter how much I question what I’m doing, or how much I feel like a fraud some days, it hasn’t shaken my faith. That part—it’s solid. My connection to God is part of me—like one of my limbs.”