“Yes, and I’ve been told a lead foot will be compensated.”
“Doubled. Just get me to the airport.”
Sailing through yellow lights, we made it just as the blades of the helicopter began spinning in the air.
Sprinting out of the car, I flew straight into the open door of the six-seater, pushing through the locked grip my muscles tried to enact. My stomach pitched, bile rushing for my throat. I locked my teeth. My hands were braced on the edge of the door. Prying them off, I flung myself onto the first seat. I scooted to the center of the three seats and buckled my belt. With a shuddering breath, I locked my fingers behind my neck and bent at the waist, not trusting my instincts wouldn’t force me to jump out right back onto the helicopter landing pad to safety. I didn’t have the time for a complete breakdown.
The helicopter lifted up off the ground and my stomach dropped like I was on a rollercoaster. Slamming my eyes shut and breathing deeply, I dug my fingers in deeper to the straining muscles of my neck. We were only a few feet off the ground.
I needed to get to Bay.
My stomach was knotted up and I dragged more air into my lungs.
The pilot’s voice barged into my head and I jolted, forgetting I had the headset on. “We’ll be there in fifty-seven minutes. We’ve already got the landing clearance for Teterboro.”
I nodded, not trusting my open mouth with the pressure plugging my ears. We were high now. Much higher than a few feet. There was no jumping now.
My breath had frozen in my chest like I’d been shoved out into blizzard temperatures in nothing but a jock strap. Wheezing, sharp breaths made dots swim in front of my eyes. I stuck my hand into my pocket, centering my whole world on why I was doing this. Closing my eyes, I licked my dry lips and tried to buzz-saw through the clawing fear to the words I wanted to say to the woman I couldn’t live without.
I recited what I wanted to say like a mantra, each time digging down deeper into the love I had for her. The need. Whether she believed me or not, whether she was willing to risk her heart again on me, the guy who’d broken it more times than should’ve been allowed, I wouldn’t leave until I’d told her how much she meant to me. How much being a family with her meant to me. How much this baby meant to me.
And before long my torture had ended.
We landed and I almost got down on the tarmac and kissed the ground. Instead, I rushed across the tarmac, sprinting for the plane with the call number Gwen had texted to me. The winter air chafed my clammy, damp skin.
The Gulfstream 350 with the stairs down was lit up inside and a carpet was rolled out. A flight attendant stood at the top of the stairs.
A few people walked out of the airport hangar toward the stairs. Luggage was being loaded into the belly of the plane.
Holden walked out and stood at the bottom of the stairs, talking into his phone.
Then I saw her in the black coat, boots and jeans, with a hat tugged down over her ears.
My heart stuttered and I ran toward her.
She took a sip of a steaming drink in her hand and walked up the stairs to the plane.
“Bay!”
All heads swung in my direction, but my gaze was focused on her. Only her.
“Bay!” My breath collected in puffs in front of my face.
I stood at the base of the stairs beside Holden, who’d placed himself in the way. I could slam into him and he’d probably fly twenty feet. I could throw him across the tarmac for putting himself between us. I could destroy him to get to her.
And destroy whatever chance I had in the process.
She stood at the top of the stairs, her face neutral. I’d almost have preferred she fling her drink at me than stare at me with that impassive look.
“How did you know we’d be here?” Holden folded his arms across his chest. Although he was posh and the accent certainly threw me, from the fire in his eyes, I didn’t doubt he’d try to take a swing at me if I tried to get to her through him.
“I need to talk to her.” I looked at him.
After seeing how much he’d done for Bay and how he’d been someone she could lean on through all the madness that was her career, I didn’t doubt he wanted me nowhere near her after what I’d done.
“I need to explain.” Pleading with everything I had in me, I stared into his eyes. “Please.”
Maybe he saw my pain, or the need to make things right. Or maybe he knew she’d never be able to move on without this conversation. Whatever the reason, he flicked his gaze over his shoulder.
The doorway to the plane was empty. Bay and the flight attendant were gone, probably not wanting to witness my abject humiliation on the airfield. Even the other people who’d been heading to the plane were nowhere to be seen now.
Holden’s jaw clenched and he grimaced, deep and foreboding.
“You have ten minutes.” He looked back up at the plane. “Do not make me regret this. I hope you brought the big guns, because you’re going to need them.” Shaking his head, he stepped out of the way.
Collecting myself for a handful of seconds, I took to the stairs, trying to remember all the things I’d planned to say as I climbed.
It never came out the way I wanted with Bay.
Inside the cabin, I scanned the interior for her. There were leather couches along one side of the plane, and two sets of four chairs with a table in the center of them.
Toward the back, there were two doorways. One most likely led to a bedroom and the other to a bathroom.
The bathroom door opened and Bay walked out in a sweatshirt and sweatpants, drying her hands on a towel with a pained expression on her face. “Is he gone yet?” She peered out the windows before standing up straight, staring right at me.
Her head jerked back and she dropped the towel. “What are you doing in here?”
“I needed to talk to you.”
Her stunned expression faded back to the neutral blankness. “I don’t have anything to say to you. Words never tell me half as much as your actions.”
“I’m sorry.” I walked down the aisle, needing to be close to her, needing her to know how badly I fucked up.
“You’re sorry.” Her face contorted into a mask of sadness and anger.
My chest ached, the pain spreading. “I know I screwed up.”
“I told you I might be pregnant and you ran.” Tears welled in her eyes and she brushed them aside. “You said being with me wasn’t something you’d ever regret and you just left.”
“It was wrong. I was wrong. And that’s a regret I’ll have for the rest of my life.”
“I told you what I needed. I told you how much I wanted something real, and in an hour, you went from wanting to spend the rest of your life with me to walking out the door without a backward glance. How can I agree to spend the rest of my life with you if I don’t even know if you’ll be there in the morning? You’d have rolled out of bed and snuck out leaving me behind without even a note.”
I dropped my head.
She was right. About everything. But we’d been doing this dance around each other for over a decade now.
“Do you think a note makes it easier?” I peered at her, my vision blurring with tears. “A note to parse every line of, looking for a secret code or message to tell you where things went wrong and how to fix them?”
“You left because you were scared. I did the exact same thing.”