“I’m just sayin’,” Joseph takes a deep drink. “You’d make a good dad, if you ever wanted to.”
That’s my cue to stand up and stretch; I do without looking Joseph in the eyes. “Yeah, well. Maybe one day.”
I take a few steps to head upstairs, but turn when I don’t hear Joseph following me. The site of him is nothing but casual although he’s looking at me like he’s waiting for something.
“I heard you got a woman.”
I run my hand over my face with frustration. Why does everyone have to complicate everything and get into my business? I don’t need anyone in my head or trying to push things one way or the other with me and Grace.
“She’s nice,” I tell him.
“She’s in the wedding?” Joseph’s got a cocky smile on his face and it breaks the tension. I let out a laugh as he stands up, taking another drink. “Must be serious if she’s in the wedding.”
Shaking my head, I stare at the back wall, at the unfinished bar. “I’m going to need another beer soon,” I mutter to my brother-in-law. It makes him laugh, deep and low, and he relaxes his posture, leaning forward in his seat.
The downstairs would be a good place to hang with him after all.
I need to get down here and finish this room off.
“She’s real sweet. A graphic designer.” I add the last part absently.
“You met her at the bar?” I look back at my brother-in-law to see his face twisted, and his forehead pinched.
I shove my hands in my pockets and answer, “We hit it off there. It was just friendly at first.” I remember way back when I first laid eyes on her.
“That’s the way to do it,” Joseph comments with a nod and then sucks his teeth. “Friends first.”
“Yeah… then I got to missing her.” I surprise myself with the omission.
“Yeah I bet.” I’m thankful for his simple comment and not looking any deeper into what I just said.
When I bought the bar, Joseph was the only one who backed my decision. Everyone else told me not to pull the trigger, saying it was too risky. That it wasn’t a real career. But Joseph was right there. He gave me the pen to sign the papers with. He’s a logical man, but in that hairy ass chest of his is a heart of gold.
“So two stable people, two good jobs.” Joseph’s voice carries a bit.
“We just started seeing each other.” Even though my voice is harder than it should be he’s unaffected.
He throws his hands up comically. “I’m just saying, you seem happy lately.”
I don’t get where he’s coming from. I didn’t pressure him on marriage and babies. Bro code and all. “I’m doing fine.”
“Yeah. There’s fine, and then there’s happy. You're happy.”
My lips part to say something back, but I don’t know what he wants from me. I just don’t want people making a big deal of this and expecting something. It’s just fun. For fuck sake, just let us be happy.
“A wife would look good on you.”
“You’ve lost your mind,” the words spill out of my mouth.
“You still got that ring?” he asks me. Susanne’s ring. An engagement ring I spent all of my savings on. Thinking about it now, half a carat and as simple as they come, there’s not much to it. Just like the relationship I had with the woman who wore it.
“No,” the lie comes out easy. He snorts, like he knows I’m lying as he tosses his empty beer can into the trash then almost grabs another. But he stops himself. Instead he tells me, “I have to get home.”
Finishing the last bit of mine, I toss my beer can in the trash and leave the rest where they are. “I need to get going, too.”
The wooden stairs creak as we walk up the rickety steps. When he opens the door at the top, I flick the light switch off and the afternoon daylight filters down the stairway.
Almost time for work. Always working.
That day off with Grace made me realize how much I’ve been sacrificing. And what I could be doing if I wasn’t at the bar all the damn time.
It’s not an option yet, but I finally let Maggie go through applications for a manager. The memory of her broad smile and how she shoved my chest in victory makes me huff a short laugh that gets my brother-in-law’s attention.
“Let me know if it quits again,” Joseph tells me as he heads to the front door, not breaking his stride.
“Will do.” With my arms crossed, I stand in the foyer with him as he slips on his boots. “You coming on Sunday?” He missed the last two family dinners. I know he doesn’t need anyone nagging him, I’m just curious. I don’t hold it against him.
“Yeah, I should be able to. I think we’re getting into the flow of things.” I can see the hint of relief in his expression.
“Alright then,” I comment as he reaches in for a quick hug.
“See you Sunday,” he says, turning to leave.
“See you Sunday,” I repeat, shoving my hands into my jean pockets and watching him go. My voice is lowered, and I’m not sure if he hears me or not. But it’s alright.
Joseph shuts the door behind him, and I head upstairs to grab my wallet and keys so I can get going, too. As I shove the wallet into my back pocket, my eyes flicker to the dresser.
I don’t even think about walking over and pulling out the top drawer where the ring is. It just happens.
The small diamond twinkles. It looks brand new, as if my ex never even wore it. The thought makes me happier than it should. I wish I’d never given it to her. I felt obligated to. As I stare at the ring, the memories come flooding back.
I was her first, and her high school sweetheart. Not that there was anything sweet about her. We had some alright moments, but I felt chained to her. After all, everyone knew what we’d done.
They expected us to stay together. They expected all the little boxes to get checked off, and for us to do what we were supposed to. Her cheating on me was one of the best things that could’ve happened. It gave me an out. A heavy weight lifts off my shoulders as I realize how true that statement is.
And how fucking sad it is, that I would’ve married her, even knowing I never really loved her. Maybe back then I thought that was what life was supposed to be. But right here and now, no. I didn’t love her; not like I know how to love now. She damn sure didn’t love me.
As the thought hits me, my phone beeps in my back pocket.
My first thought is that it’s Grace. I’m surprised by how disappointed I am when I see it’s Cheryl.
Did Joseph leave yet?
My poor sister. All alone with little Miss Evie. I can just imagine her rocking their baby girl while sending this text and listening to her baby girl cry. It’s all a phase, but I already know she’s going to miss it when Evie’s over it. Maybe not the crying, but the wanting to be held. Hell, Joseph may miss it even more.
Just left. I type the message and add, Love you, just as she sends back her response.
Thanks. Love you too.
The trace of a smile picks my lips up, but then I see the time. Shit. I have to get my ass going. The ring flips back and forth as I roll my fingers over the thin band, making my way out.
There’s no way in hell I’m not getting married. My ma would kill me. Just the thought makes my steps down the stairs lighter. I’m not getting any younger. And it’s about damn time I had someone in my life. Someone like Grace. I don’t know if she’s the one. My heart flips at the thought of her in a white dress.