I look between my two friends, grateful for their friendship. I’m surprisingly glad they know. I didn’t have many girlfriends growing up—typical tomboy on that front—but these two? I’m glad they know. That they want to share some of this burden. And I don’t think I’ll feel so . . . alone anymore. At least that’s what I hope.
***
DOTTIE
“You home?” Jason calls out from the bedroom.
“Yeah, I’m home,” I say, setting my purse down and kicking my shoes off. I don’t bother with turning on any lights but head to our bedroom where Jason is lying across the bed, wearing nothing but a pair of athletic shorts. His thick, corded chest is on display and the boulder in his bicep is popping from the way his arm is bent and tucked under his head. Handsome as ever, I take a moment to remember just how lucky I am to have him in my life.
“What’s that look for?” Jason asks while patting the spot next to him.
“What look?” I ask as I walk toward the bed.
He snags me by the waist and twists me over his body and onto the mattress. I chuckle and then curl into his chest.
“You had this pensive look on your face.”
“Just thinking.”
“About me?” He slips his hand past the waistband of my leggings and rests his hand on my bare hip. It’s not anything sexual, more of a comfort, like he needs that skin-on-skin touch now that I’m home.
“Is it always about you?” I ask in a teasing tone.
“I prefer your every thought to be about me. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.”
I chuckle and kiss his bare chest, loving how his warm skin feels against my lips. “Grateful for how lucky I am, and please, before you go on some obnoxious victory parade, I’m not in the mood for your antics tonight. Just accept the compliment and move on.”
I wait for it.
For the teasing.
For the dramatics.
But when they don’t come, I know Jason’s taking this moment seriously.
“I’m the lucky one,” he finally says. “Trust me, I wake up every morning with you beside me, wondering how the hell I was able to convince you to stick around. I’m grateful you put up with my shit.”
“Despite the groans you get from me, I do love the dramatics . . . for the most part.”
He chuckles. “So are you telling me you want more of them?”
“No,” I say quickly. “I don’t. The quota you dish out every day is enough.”
“That’s fair.” He kisses the top of my head. “Why the sudden confession? Everything okay at the spa?”
I consider not telling Jason, I consider keeping Milly and Carson’s information to myself, but then I realize it might be good for Jason to know in case Carson brings it up. That way he can be prepared to offer support. Despite his dramatics, Jason is and always has been an awesome friend to his boys.
“Not really actually. Milly was really upset. Broke down in front of us, which is so not her.”
“Really?” I can hear the concern in Jason’s voice. “What was wrong? Everything okay with her and Carson?”
“Relationship wise? Yes. But they’ve been trying to get pregnant and haven’t been successful.”
“Shit, seriously? Carson hasn’t said anything about that.”
“I guess they haven’t told anyone.” I snuggle in even closer. Jason’s grip on me grows tighter. “They’ve been trying for four years.”
“Four years?” Jason asks. “Holy shit. I can’t imagine the toll that would take on a person, let alone a marriage. I’ve never seen any cracks, have you?”
“No. Not at all. They’re hot for each other. And we didn’t talk about Carson much, but I know it hasn’t been easy on Milly. She feels guilty. I don’t know, Jason, I feel awful for them. I didn’t even know they wanted kids. I mean, I see them with Matty and I think they’re great with him, but I had no idea they were trying. I just thought they were happy with where they were at, you know?”
“Yeah, Carson never mentioned anything either. It’s a bit of a shock. Do you think I should reach out?”
“I think he would be surprised if you didn’t. You do tend to insert yourself into everyone’s business.”
“Yeah, but this is serious.” I feel him push his hand through his hair.
“I’d reach out and just let him know you’re there for him if he ever needs to talk.”
“Yeah, good idea.” He’s silent for a second and then says, “Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure.”
The room is lit up by the TV, but it’s on mute, so the sports highlights are lacking without the commentary and play-by-play. I reach over his stomach and grab the remote. I turn the TV off and cloak the room in darkness except the bedside lamp on Jason’s nightstand.
I wrap my arm around his waist and say, “What’s your question?”
“Where are you on the whole kid thing?”
Why did I know he was going to bring this up?
“I know we said we were both happy with how things are, with our marriage, but I figured I’d check in, you know, in case you had a change of heart,” he adds/
“Have you had a change of heart?” I ask him.
He smooths his hand over my hip and says, “I know I’d be a good dad, there’s no question about that. But I do worry about our work schedules. You’re a fucking boss in the boardroom and I know work matters to you, that you love it. I’m gone a lot of the time during the season. I’d hate to have someone else raise our kid, you know?”
I nod against his chest. “Yeah, I feel the same way. Would it be cool to have a kid? Maybe, but I’m also really content with where we are now. I love our life and I don’t know, maybe we can be the fun aunt and uncle for a few more years?”
“I like that idea,” Jason says. “But you have to promise me something.”
“What’s that?”
“If you ever decide that you want to have kids, you need to tell me, because we will make it work. I don’t want you to think it’s off the table.”
“I know.” I lift my head up and kiss him on the lips. “And that’s why I love you so much, because you say things like that.”
“You know all I want is to make you happy.”
“You do, Jason. Even when I catch you munching on dick in the morning, you still make me happy.”
“Please tell me you didn’t tell the girls about that.”
I pat his chest. “Whatever happens in this apartment is fair game, you’ve made that quite clear. Oh, and they loved the photos.”
He chuckles. “Always aim to please, Dottie.”
***
JASON
“The Belgian waffles please, bacon on the side, extra crispy, and the fruit platter.” I hand my menu to the waitress. “Thank you.”
“No problem.” She stuffs the menu under her arm with the rest. “I’ll put your order in right away.”
When she takes off, Knox clears his throat and says, “Are you hoping the waffle is in the shape of a penis?”