And I did.
I was the hateful asshole who couldn’t stand her questions that hit close to home.
I hurt her where it hurts the most, burning things of value, forcing her to know me, all in the name of revenge over something she had no control over.
I insulted her, attempted to make Cole and Liam hate her too, but they knew better.
“I gave you my worst, but you didn’t cower, did you, Little Minx?” I kiss her again. “You fired shots at me, fought me back at every turn and it enraged me to hell and back, but then you switched it on me when you defended my family.”
Fuck, the way she swooped in, even when my ‘family’ tried to kick her down over and over again, Courtney being the biggest bitch ever, Mia didn’t stay down for long.
“You understood Liam, had a natural soft spot for both Cole and him because let’s be honest here, those assholes are the most illusive idiots on the best of days, but you didn’t care about that.”
She just cared. But with me, I can’t really explain it.
“You’ve always been different with me, right from the beginning, which is why I kept coming back for more of you. I chased you down because I swear Mia, I can’t last without you. Hell, I fucking stalked you,” I confess, not even sorry. “In the years after you set my world aflame, I broke into your old home so many fucking times just to watch you dance in that ballet studio. And each time, you were all by yourself. You didn’t have any music playing. You only used that one lamp, cast everything else in shadows as you danced.”
Fuck I remember those nights as if they were just yesterday.
“How else would I have known you, Mia?” I whisper hoarsely. “I wanted to know you and fuck me, the only times you were really honest was when you were dancing alone in that studio. You never watched yourself through the mirror like most vain people do. You’d switch off the tape of Nancy dancing because you wanted to do your own thing. You’d dance your heart out as if you were escaping something, or maybe you were tormented by memories and now, I know why.”
She stirs in my arms, a soft moan escaping her lips, then she settles down peacefully.
“I should’ve sheltered you then.” But I fucking didn’t. “I failed you, so many times Mia and for that, you have no idea how sorry I am. I knew being with me was going to be fucking hell. My mother came for you, my family’s past intermingled with our future and now here we are but even with all that, I couldn’t…” I trail off, looking down at her. “I couldn’t stay away from you.”
But I should have. Maybe then she would have been somewhat safe.
“And now, I’m suffering baby and you… you might not know this, but after the chaos from earlier, you might have guessed. You’re here because of me.”
I can feel the tension in my own body as the thing in my chest pounds harder against my chest.
“You’re in this damned hospital because of me and now, you’ve lost so much, baby, your memories and everything you hold dear, all because of me.”
I’m suffering and she’s fucking fighting to survive, does it even compare? I lie here with my arm in a cast and fucked up knee but still, I’m not the one with half my life gone because of an injury to head that would never have happened if I had just stopped to listen to her.
How can she even fight to survive when she can’t even recall what happened to her? I can’t even begin to dig into the depths of that trauma.
“Telling you I’m sorry was a fucking mistake, it won’t do a damn thing. Sorry has never erased the fucking hurt that was inflicted and I know my fucking sorry is not going to help right now. If anything, I’m sure you don’t even need it.”
I hold her to me, tighter. Time ticks on by, but I refuse to acknowledge it.
If I could make this moment last, with her in my arms like this, I would. But now, all I see is the state of us. Bruised, bandages everywhere, aches and pains, broken in some parts while shattered in others.
Yeah, we’re a fucking sight for sore eyes.
I know I should go. They’ll be looking for me, but I don’t move. I don’t know how many times I kiss the crown of her head until the words spill out of me.
“I love you, Mia.” I shouldn’t, but I do. “I’ll always love you, even when forever ends and I’m lost in your memories, I’ll love you forever, Mia.”
And I’ll protect you with my life. No matter what happens this point on.
I feel wetness on my chest and when I look down again, I see tears trailing down her face, crying in my arms.
She’s been awake all this time.
Fuck!
Chapter Thirty-One
Mia
I felt his tumultuous, broody presence before he even touched me.
I have no idea how long it was I laid in my bed after Roxy left, crying my heart out, moaning the loss of something I never really had in the first place, but when Julian touched me, everything in me grew still.
His sweet breath washed over my face as he said my name in that way of his, as if he’s fucking my name into his submission and loving me all in the same breath.
I knew he thought I was having a nightmare, and so I kept on with it, desperate to hear his voice and to be touched by him… but my heart almost burst when he slid into my surprisingly wide hospital bed with me.
Julian has almost always done the unexpected. When I thought he was going to leave, he pulled me into his arms without any hesitation, and held me like a small child, trying to calm me from my heartbreak and scattered mind.
And then without any warning whatsoever, he started talking and my soul left my body like a freaking dark mist. And I heard everything, but I couldn’t stay silent for long. Not after everything he said.
“You’re awake,” he murmurs, surprise coloring his words as he tenses under me.
For a moment, I don’t say anything, feeling the weight of his cast on my back, unable to stop myself and the yearning in my soul, I circle my arms around his torso, holding him to me as fiercely as he’s holding me.
“I was awake.” I confess. I can feel he’s stunned, but after everything he’s said, honesty is really all I have now, no matter how ugly it is. “And I don’t have amnesia.”
He’s silent, but his heart is beating so fast against my back, I’m starting to worry.
“Figures. It would have been weird for you to cry when you can’t relate to anything I said,” he says, his voice oh-so sexy and oh-so deep, my entire body tingles in the most delicious and painful way, the combination is devastating.
“Maybe your confession could make nuns weep, so why would I be immune?” I whisper, not ready to look at him yet. “I am capable of feelings.”
Actually, I feel too much and now, I’m bursting at the seams and can’t seem to be able to handle my emotions, crying like a little girl in the arms of a guy who says he loves me but then turns around and says the most hurtful despicable things to my face that tell me otherwise.
And with that thought alone, my anger comes back.
I slowly and methodically start to get up so I can extract myself from his arm, but he doesn’t budge.
“You weren’t meant to hear that,” he growls the words vibrating in his chest and into me. “Where do you think you’re going?”