“Shit, man. I’m sorry.” My words seemed more than lacking, but what did you say to something like that?
“It all worked out in the end, but Hunter still carries that weight. And what’s happened with Sam just stirs up all that guilt.”
“None of that is his fault,” I argued.
“No shit,” Griffin added.
Ford turned back to the sink and the pile of dishes. “I just wished he saw that.”
Movement flashed from the corner of my eye. Soon, arms wrapped around me, the scent of lavender filling my senses. Shay burrowed into my side. “You ready to head back? I was starting to fall asleep in there.”
I pressed my lips to the top of her head. “Sure.”
Griffin grabbed a set of keys from a little rack. “I’ll give you guys a ride.”
We said our thank yous and goodbyes and headed for the marina. The drive was mostly silent, which seemed to be Griffin’s preferred state. But thoughts of all the scars that everyone in this group of friends seemed to carry swirled in my head. It just went to show that no one made it out of this life unscathed.
Shay and I waved to Griffin as we headed to the boat. The skies were pitch-black, but the docks were well-lit. It didn’t stop me from being on high alert, my gaze swiveling back and forth.
Shay slipped her hand into mine as we approached the Whaler. “You okay?”
I nodded, placing a quick kiss on her temple. “Fine. I had a good time tonight. You?”
She climbed over the side of the boat, moving immediately to one of the ropes. “Me, too.” She paused for a moment, looking up at me. “It’s nice to have friends. I’ve never really had them before. Not people I truly felt like I could be open with anyway.”
I crossed to Shay, wrapping her in my arms. “You took a big step tonight.”
She tipped her head back so she could meet my eyes. “It felt right.”
“I’m glad.”
She traced a finger over my lips. “You feel right, too. Like it was always meant to be you and me.”
My chest constricted. “I feel it, too.”
Her hand fisted in my shirt. “Thanks for sticking with me.”
“Always.” The single word was a vow. She just didn’t know it yet.
37
Shay
Evergreen13: Well, it’s about time! I thought that man of yours might’ve kidnapped you and locked you in a dungeon. I guess that might not be a bad thing, though…
I almost choked on the sip of coffee I’d taken. I carefully set the mug on the island counter before I typed out a response.
Phoenix26: Sorry I’ve been MIA. Things have just been busy.
I hadn’t said a word to E about the murders that had taken place over the past couple of months. Not because I didn’t trust her, but because I didn’t want her to worry. E could be like a mama bear if things were going poorly in my life.
Evergreen13: You never have to apologize. I’m glad life is so full that you haven’t had time to be online as much lately.
She had a point. It wasn’t just the bad that had kept me away from our chats. It was how much good had been taking up my time. I’d gone to an estate sale with Bell, did some cooking with Caelyn, and Brody and I spent every moment we could manage together. His studio storage was filling up with new paintings, and I sat for him at least a couple of times a week. Those sessions always seemed to end with some surface of the studio being explored in a whole new way.
Phoenix26: Things are good. I’m making friends. Even told some of them about Michael.
There was no response for a moment.
Evergreen13: Are you sure that’s wise? Do you know them well enough?
I took a moment to fight back the anxiety that wanted to grab hold of my insides. I was moving forward, and that meant I had to take a few leaps. Bell’s and Caelyn’s kind understanding told me that I’d made the right choice. They had both checked in after the night at Caelyn and Griffin’s farmhouse. But neither had pushed. They had simply given me gentle reassurance that they were available if I ever wanted or needed to talk.
Phoenix26: If you met them, you’d understand. They’re pretty amazing.
Evergreen13: Sorry, my paranoia can get the best of me sometimes. It’s good that you’re letting people in. I’m proud of you.
I was proud of myself. Stepping into that great unknown had brought nothing but change for the better. I was even considering playing at The Catch again this weekend. The bluegrass band wanted me to consider playing with them regularly.
Phoenix26: Thanks, E. How are things with you?
Evergreen13: Same ol’ same ol’ here.
Somehow, even through a computer screen, I could sense that E was holding something back.
Phoenix26: What aren’t you saying?
E sent a picture of someone sighing.
Evergreen13: Always have that sixth sense, don’t you? I’m just wondering if it’s time for me to face some stuff that I’ve been avoiding.
I didn’t know E’s full story, only bits and pieces. But I knew that staying away from her family had been priority number one for a long time.
Phoenix26: Family stuff?
Evergreen13: Isn’t it always?
Sometimes it felt impossible to make peace with that kind of hurt. How could you, when the one who’d caused you pain was someone you’d loved all your life? I certainly hadn’t mastered how to hold both sides of those emotions when it came to Michael. Instead, I always seemed to seesaw back and forth between love and hate, fear and longing.
The longing was the worst. Because I wasn’t nostalgic for some moment in my past. It was a vicious yearning for something that had never existed. A family where I didn’t live every moment on edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop, and the monster to appear.
The more time I spent with Caelyn and her family, the more I saw what I’d missed. The casual ease with which they experienced everyday life. Sure, there were fights. I’d seen a knock-down-drag-out one between Mia and Ava when Mia had gotten some glitter paint on Ava’s drawing. But underneath it all was a love you could feel, and a shared empathy. Michael simply wasn’t capable of that.
I gave my head a little shake, bringing myself out of my musings and back to the conversation with E. She’d been there for me through so much, and I wanted to give her the same.
Phoenix26: Is there anything I can do? Want to talk it out? We can video chat.
Evergreen13: I appreciate it, I really do, but I need to wrap my head around some stuff before I talk about anything.
Phoenix26: I’m here whenever you’re ready.
Evergreen13: I know you are. Let’s talk soon.
We said our goodbyes, and I logged out of the chat. My fingers drummed against the counter as I took another sip of coffee. Days like today, I wished E was just a boat ride away so that we could have these conversations in person. Maybe then she’d be more likely to open up. I’d have to talk to her about considering a visit to Harbor. I was sure Brody would be fine with having a guest. Even if it meant our studio sessions would be restricted to just painting.
I smiled down into my mug. My skin hummed just thinking about it. Brody hadn’t even stirred when I’d left him in bed this morning. A late night leaving him dead to the world. But I couldn’t shake my early-bird routine. And the chickens would be making a fuss soon if I didn’t get going.