“It’s not love,” Dante said.
Wasn’t it? Maybe twisted love, but love often came with pain and sacrifice. I didn’t know what Fina felt, much less what went on in Remo Falcone, but I didn’t share Dante’s certainty either way.
“How do you know?”
“Because Serafina isn’t herself, not right now. If she were, she wouldn’t have betrayed her family, her upbringing, simply everything for a man like Remo Falcone.”
I touched his thigh. Anna’s eyes were wide and uncomprehending. This was difficult as it was. I didn’t want to unsettle her more.
Dante cleared his throat and his expression smoothed.
“Will I see Sofia again?” Anna asked softly.
I turned in my seat with a smile. “Of course.”
Dante didn’t say anything.
* * *
We remained in a state of shock after Serafina left with Remo. A stronger, more lingering paralysis than after her kidnapping, because this felt more permanent. When Remo had kidnapped Serafina we’d been certain to get her back, that we’d do everything in our power to bring her back home. This time a sense of final loss lingered in our minds and hearts. One that even the most daring hope couldn’t dispel.
Our family was broken. For the first time, I worried we wouldn’t be able to fix it.
Ines and Pietro had thrown us out of their house. Ines and Samuel hadn’t even said goodbye. I could feel Ines’ pain almost like my own. She’d lost her daughter, not to death but the end result might be the same. Just thinking of losing Anna turned my heart to ice. Dante had increased safety measures. We wouldn’t allow a repeat performance. Anna would be safe even if the golden cage had become even smaller, even more oppressing. Her safety was Dante’s top priority. Santino was her constant shadow now.
We’d arrived in Chicago early in the morning and Dante had disappeared in his office right away, without any sleep after hours of driving, and hadn’t emerged since. I knocked, waiting for his reply. Gabby had brought him a few cups of coffee but he hadn’t eaten anything.
“Come in.”
He sounded tired and as I stepped in, I found that he looked it too.
He bowed over his desk, his hair in disarray, a rare sight and sign for his inner turmoil. I closed the door after me and regarded my husband for a long time, worrying deeply about him. He finally looked up, a look of stark concern in his eyes. I showed him the tray with bread and cheese. “You need to eat.”
His eyes followed me as I moved toward him, trying to hide my own anxiety. Dante had asked me not to hide my feelings from him, but right now he needed me strong. The weight resting on his shoulders was already too heavy for him. I’d called Bibi in the afternoon to get a feel for the current mood in the Outfit. Dario was well connected as the Outfit’s lawyer. To say that everyone was in a state of turmoil would have been an understatement.
“You are not alone. I’m here. Talk to me. Don’t draw back from me again.”
Dante leaned back in his chair with a sigh. “I’m not drawing back from you, Val. You are my lifeline. You and our children.”
I touched his shoulder and he surprised me by pulling me onto his lap. The last year had been hard, almost unbearably so. We needed to find our way out of the darkness clouding our life right now. “We’ll get through this together.”
Dante nodded slowly. “I hope Ines, Pietro and Samuel forgive me eventually.”
“You did what was right.”
“Did I?” His eyes flickered with doubt and worse with guilt. “I ripped Serafina away from her family. I allowed her to leave for an uncertain future. The Falcones are unpredictable at best. They are madmen. I only met their father Benedetto once and trust me, any child of his must be deranged.”
“She chose him, Dante. She isn’t a child.”
“I know, but it’s difficult to admit that eventually children outgrow the rules we set for them.”
“Why don’t you eat and lie down a bit afterward?”
Dante shook his head. “I invited your parents for dinner. I need to talk to your father. We need to make plans to ensure the Outfit’s power.”
I sighed and kissed his cheek. “At least, eat something.”
Dante took a slice of cheese and slid it into his mouth. I stood but Dante caught my hand. “I want you present when I talk to your father.”
“Okay,” I said slowly. He gave a terse nod. With an encouraging smile, I walked out, leaving him to his thoughts.
Leonas rushed my way. “Can Ricci and R.J. come over tomorrow?”
“R.J.?” I asked.
“That’s Rocco’s new name. It’s much cooler.”
I tousled Leonas’ hair.
“Mom!” he said indignantly, ducking away from my fingers. “My hair!”
I laughed. Did the vanity phase start this early nowadays? God, he was growing up so quickly, and Anna too. A deep longing filled me, for another baby, another small human to take care of and remind us of the beauty of life and our glowing future. Because I still believed in it: a good future.
“Of course, they can.” I’d been worried how the Rocco senior situation would affect Leonas’ friendship with the man’s sons, but luckily it hadn’t. His lack of fatherly compassion had something good after all. Leonas grinned, smoothed out his hair, and rushed away again. Almost nine. I needed to organize his birthday party even if it felt like we were stuck in a time of mourning. Life had to go on, especially for our children.
Dante and I had been trying to get pregnant for two years now. It hadn’t worked. I’d even considered doing hormone treatment but with everything else that had been going on, I didn’t want to push my body more than necessary. Maybe I had to accept that I was too old, even if many women got children well past forty and I was only thirty-six.
I went down into the basement, past our panic room, and picked up the box with Christmas decorations. I hadn’t found time to put them up yet, but now that we’d returned to Chicago for good, I wanted to create a Christmas spirit. After I’d sorted through the decoration, I called Anna and Leonas down. Anna had spent the last hour on the phone with Luisa and didn’t look as crushed anymore.
“But we don’t have a tree yet,” Anna said thoughtfully, as she lifted one of the delicate glass baubles.
“You’re right. We’ll get one tomorrow. Let’s decorate the rest of the house for now. How about you prettify all the fireplaces?”
Anna and Leonas grabbed a few items and dashed toward the fireplace in the living room where they began to brainstorm the best decoration. I watched them for a bit, my heart warming.
A few minutes later, the bell rang and Gabby hurried toward the front door. Zita wasn’t as mobile anymore—she was getting old—and so Gabby had been taking over more of her duties.
My parents stepped inside. Dad, too, had become completely gray and the wrinkles in his face had become deep furrows, but Mamma led a strict food regime and so he was still fit for mid-sixty. Mamma kept dying her hair brown, too vain to let a hint of gray show. She smiled when she spotted me, despite the anxiety in her eyes, and rushed toward me. We hugged longer than usual. “I’m so glad you’re back.”
Papa embraced me as well and kissed my forehead. “How’s everyone?”