Matteo frowned. “Okay.”
“But I can’t do this. I can’t get rid of it.”
“Okay,” Matteo said again but I could tell that he was confused.
“I just can’t.” I knew I’d feel guilty because it wasn’t like money was a problem. We had enough money so a dozen nannies could raise the kid. Matteo’s and my life wouldn’t even change… but I knew that even that wasn’t an option. I was confused and overwhelmed. “I can’t,” I said again, taking a step back.
Matteo nodded. “All right. I’ll settle things with the doctors. Why don’t you wait in the car?”
He held out his keys and I took them, then turned and walked out of the clinic. My feet carried me on their own and finally I found myself in the car, on the driver’s seat. I felt like everything was shifting, as if the ground was being pulled from under my feet. I needed time to think about this, needed time to come to terms with the raging emotions inside of me. This was it. I’d grow a baby I didn’t even want.
I could barely see the street ahead of me through my tear-blurry vision. From the corner of my eye, I saw Matteo’s name flashing across my phone screen. I ignored it. I couldn’t talk to him right now. I wasn’t sure what to say when I barely knew what I felt. Despair and guilt were very high on the list, but so many more emotions battled for attention as well.
I wasn’t sure how long I drove around aimlessly until finally my tear-swollen eyes forced me to pull over. I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d felt like this, the last time I’d cried this hard.
Eventually, I steered the car back to our apartment building. My legs shook like leaves in the wind as I staggered into our penthouse and sank down on the floor with my back against the wall.
Thirty minutes later, Luca of all people found me ugly crying in the same spot. Of course, he still had the security code.
I’d thought I’d gotten a grip on myself after the car ride but once I found myself back in our home, all walls broke down.
Luca’s gray eyes settled on me, his face impassive.
“What? No assholy comment?” I snapped, embarrassed that he saw me like this. Even in front of Aria and Matteo I hardly showed so much emotion.
“Matteo went insane with worry over you,” Luca said as he towered over me.
“I sent him a text message.” I wasn’t sure how coherent it had been but I had definitely showed him I was alive.
“I need time to think, that was supposed to set him at ease?” Luca muttered.
I shrugged and wrapped my arms tighter around my legs. A wave of nausea crept up but I forced it back. I wasn’t sure if it was the first signs of pregnancy or my inner turmoil.
Luca released a low breath. “You are not alone. You have Matteo. You have family, Gianna. We have your back.”
“I still don’t want to raise the kid. I don’t want to be a mother… but I just can’t get rid of it. What am I supposed to do now?”
“Aria suspected something like that.”
Of course, she did. Aria had a sixth sense when it came to me.
“But how can I give birth to a baby and then give it away?”
“You won’t give it away—”
I glared up at him but he continued, “Because Aria and I talked about it, and we’re going to adopt it.”
My eyes grew wide. “You… what?” I tried to understand what he was offering. “But you can’t even stand me.”
Luca and I got along better than in the past and I was fairly sure he liked me better than most of humankind, but in his case that didn’t mean much.
Luca let out a dark laugh. He crouched before me, still a fucking giant. “Aria and I will love that child as if it was our own. We will protect it and make sure it has everything it needs. It doesn’t even have to know that we aren’t its parents. If you and Matteo want to keep it a secret, the child won’t ever have to know it isn’t ours. I swear I’ll do everything in my power to protect your child, Gianna. I swear it’ll be safe and loved.” He touched his chest over his tattoo, and for a moment I considered hugging him. Luckily for both of us, he broke the moment and straightened to his full height.
It took a moment before I could speak. “You know, Luca, I like you more than I let on most of the time,” I said in a shaky voice.
Luca held out his hand. I took it and he pulled me to my feet. “Same. When you don’t say anything annoying I find you more than tolerable,” he said dryly.
I choked on a laugh. “Why thank you. How often does that happen?”
He shrugged. “Once or twice per month.”
I laughed. Luca’s own mouth pulled into a smile but as quickly as it had come it disappeared. “Don’t do this again. Don’t ever run off like that. It’s also Matteo’s baby, Gianna, and the asshole loves you with all of his heart. If something happened to you, he’d lose it.”
“I know,” I whispered. “I was just overwhelmed. I never planned for any of this to happen.”
Luca nodded. “It’s what it is. You are pregnant and you’ll keep the kid, and you and Matteo will give it to Aria and me if you agree on it.”
“Does Matteo know what you just told me?”
“No, I haven’t talked to him about it yet. First you two will have to settle things between you.”
He was right. The elevator began moving and a minute later the doors slid open and Matteo stepped out. His hair was plastered to his head from his helmet and his eyes were wild. Luca stepped back from me and walked away but not before he touched Matteo’s shoulder briefly and they exchanged a look. He disappeared inside the elevator and left.
“Fuck, Gianna,” Matteo rasped as he stalked toward me and jerked me against him, then kissed me harshly, shoving me into the wall as he gripped my hips in a crushing hold.
He pulled away, breathing harshly. “You promised you’d never fucking run again.”
“I didn’t run,” I protested. “I needed time to myself to think this through. It’s a lot to stomach.”
“Not just for you,” Matteo said quietly.
Guilt filled me. I cupped his face. “I know. I’m sorry. I keep messing up. It’s in my nature. That’s why I shouldn’t become a mother.”
He released a breath. “Don’t say that. We’ll figure this out. Together.”
“Together,” I agreed. I kissed him again, then pulled back. “Luca offered that he and Aria adopt our baby.”
Matteo took a step back, but didn’t let go of me. “He did?”
I nodded. “What do you think?”
Matteo frowned. “I don’t know. Do you think you can see the child every day and have it call someone else Mom?”
I wasn’t sure. “But it’s a good option.”
“Yeah. The child needs protection, and Luca and Aria are amazing parents.”
“They are,” I agreed softly and searched Matteo’s eyes for a hint to his true feelings. “Will you be okay with it? With Luca acting as the baby’s father and not you?”
Matteo glanced to the side, his brows drawing together. “How should I know?”
Yes, how? How should either of us know how we’d deal with this pregnancy and with the aftermath? “We’ll figure it out,” I murmured.