Her eyes were glassy as she looked up at me. “My life changed when Falcone killed my father, seeing Falcone die for his sin will only make things better.”
I nodded. “Okay. But when things get dangerous, you’ll have to listen to my commands. If I tell you to run, you’ll run, and you won’t hesitate or argue. Understood?”
“Understood.” She moved closer to me, her pliable body pressed up against mine and put her hand against my chest. “I can’t believe you’re really doing this.”
I couldn’t believe it either, but I had never been more sure about something in my life. I wanted, I needed to help the woman in front of me. “I promised. I will do this for you, and perhaps then you can forgive me.”
“Forgive you?” she whispered as if she’d never heard the word, and of course it was fucking ridiculous of me to think she could ever forgive me for what I’d done, for having kept her like a possession. I silenced her with a kiss, fucking scared of her next words, not wanting to hear them, and led her into the bedroom.
Cara
Growl’s eyes were closed. He wasn’t asleep though. Not that I knew how he looked when he was actually asleep since he never let me be anywhere close when he was that vulnerable. But whenever he got this close to sleep, he’d send me away or he’d leave if he was in my bedroom.
I scooted to the edge of the bed and untangled myself from the blankets. I’d stayed for far too long already. My eyes were growing heavy. I didn’t want to be woken and sent away by Growl later. It was easier this way, when going away seemed like my choice and not a result of his incapability or unwillingness to share a bed with me, his incapability to give me more closeness than was absolutely necessary. It was ridiculous how this small semblance of choice made me feel better.
My feet hit the cold floor and a familiar shiver raced down my spine. This time I didn’t allow myself to perch on the edge of the bed. I stood. I hadn’t even moved away a single step when a strong hand wrapped around my wrist. “Stay,” came the rough command.
I froze, my gaze darting toward Growl. He was still sprawled out on the bed, his eyes still closed. Nothing in his demeanor had changed, and if it weren’t for his hand holding onto me tightly, I’d have convinced myself that I’d imagined the word.
I didn’t dwell on the fact why he’d changed his mind. I slipped back under the covers and only when I lay beside him, did Growl let go of my wrist.
“Why?” I asked softly. He stayed on his back, didn’t reach for me, and I didn’t try to snuggle up to him. It would have been too much. This, inviting me to stay the night, was already a huge step for him.
“Don’t ask,” he rumbled.
Growl extinguished the lights and darkness fell over us. I hardly dared to breath, much less move, acutely aware that Growl was probably listening to her every sound. Was I intruding? Was he already regretting that one word?
I pushed the thoughts away, and then when I least expected it, Growl put his hand against my back. A light touch but enough. Another step in the right direction. The sound of his unchanging breathing in the background and the feel of his palm lightly touching my back, I slowly drifted off to sleep.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Cara
That night I was woken twice by nightmares. Not my own though. Growl was writhing and panting in his sleep. I hadn’t dared waking him. I had a feeling that he wouldn’t like it that I knew of his troubles.
It was strange seeing him distressed, his face twisted with agony. I’d never considered that something could bother him so much. Perhaps he was even more human than I thought.
He wasn’t in bed when I woke but I found him in the kitchen leaning against the counter with a cup of coffee as usual. Even now that we had a kitchen table in the penthouse, he still preferred to stand, as if he needed to be prepared to run at any moment. And for a moment, I allowed myself to regard him: how out of place he looked in the sleek expensive kitchen, how out of place he obviously felt.
Coco and Bandit were sitting by his side, staring up at him with adoring eyes.
“Morning,” I said.
Growl filled a cup and handed it to me. I smiled and briefly touched his forearm in thanks. He didn’t move away and his gaze gave me pause. I drank my coffee, giving him the time he needed to say what he wanted.
“I have a request,” Growl said quietly.
“Okay.” What could I possibly do for him?
He peered down at Coco and Bandit. “Will you take care of my dogs in case anything happens to me?”
I frowned. “Nothing will happen to you. We’ll all go to New York together.”
“You should be looking forward to the prospect of my death,” he rasped. “I’m sure you’ve wished for it often.”
I should hope for it, and in the beginning I had. I had even tried to kill him myself after all. Soon we’d risk our lives. Perhaps this was the last time we’d be together. It was strange to think about it. Even stranger that I was sad about it. I scanned his face. I was no longer scared of him, and I did no longer wish for him to die, far from it.
I reached out very slowly and traced the scar around his neck. Growl stilled but he didn’t stop me. Surprise washed over me. It felt like a miracle that he let me do it, and deep down I was suddenly afraid; afraid of my emotions and what the future held for me.
“You won’t die. You’re the strongest person I know,” I whispered. I stepped very close to him and locked eyes with his.
“I’m not.” His amber eyes sucked me in. So many horrors lay beyond them, and yet I didn’t hate him, not anymore.
How could I have let this happen?
“What’s happening to us?” I asked quietly.
Growl frowned.
“What am I to you?”
“You are mine,” he said simply. His.
His possession? His gift? Only that, or more?
It didn’t matter. Once I was in New York, there was no future for us. I wouldn’t stay with Growl. I couldn’t, couldn’t do this to Mother and my sister. They wouldn’t understand, and how could they, when even I didn’t know how it had happened.
Growl
“I will take care of your dogs if that’s what you want,” Cara said.
I wanted many things, things I’d never wanted before. Most of all I wanted to tell her that I didn’t want to lose her, and that for the first time in my life I was scared to die because I wanted to have more time with her, and yet at the same time I was scared not to die because then I’d see her leave me the moment we were in New York.
“Coco and Bandit love you,” I told her, and it wasn’t all I wanted to say, but I couldn’t.
She searched my eyes, but I wasn’t sure what she was looking for. Even now I hardly understand the workings of her brain. She was a mystery to me, would probably always be, but it didn’t matter. Somehow, she’d done what no one else had ever done. She’d bound me to her and I would always be loyal to her.
I’d been loyal to Falcone too, but it had been a different kind of loyalty. I would have died for Falcone, because I had never before cared if I lived or died. But now, now I wanted to live, and yet I’d gladly give my life for Cara, so she could be happy.