Growl
I allowed myself a moment to watch the car drive away, watch Cara leave. I’d probably never see her again, and that was for the best. She would be happier without me in her life.
I shoved a knife into his next attacker before I fired two shots at the car to his left. I would fight and I would die today, but not in vain. For once the blood spilling would serve a good cause.
And if I died, I’d die with the memory of Cara’s sweet taste, the feel of her perfect skin, and the image of her pretty face branded into my brain. I’d close my eyes with a good memory, no matter what awaited me after.
Cara
I banged my fists against the window, ignoring the dull pain zipping through my arms from the force of it. “Let me out,” I screamed again, even louder. Not that Mino hadn’t heard me the first time. We were barely two feet away from each other. Instead of listening to my request, he drove even faster.
I thrust my arms up and braced myself against the glass. Growl was surrounded by Falcone’s men. Even a fighter like him couldn’t possibly stand a chance against so many opponents.
I cried out. “Please, we have to help him.”
Mino shook his head. “I have strict orders to take you away from here.”
“But the man who gave the orders will be dead soon if we don’t help him!”
“Even so. A promise to a dead man isn’t worth less.”
I sank back against the seat. We were too far away. I couldn’t see Growl anymore. He’d survived so much. He couldn’t die, not like this. Not so soon.
“Cara?” came Mother’s soft voice, and I realized I’d completely forgotten about her and Talia. I turned to them. Confusion flickered on Mother’s face, but also a bitter realization. I’d given myself away, but I couldn’t even bring myself to care.
My eyes found Talia. She was staring down at her hands, which lay limply in her lap.
I took her hand but she didn’t react. “We’ll be safe soon.”
I didn’t know what she’d gone through in the two months since I’d last seen her. She had lost weight but seemed physically unharmed but that meant nothing.
Mother wrapped an arm around my sister but kept her eyes on me. “Why did that man help us?”
“I suppose he felt guilty for what he did and wanted to redeem himself,” I said.
Mother pursed her lips. “That man doesn’t know what guilt is. He’s a monster. He’s been Falcone’s cruelest assassin for so many years, no one could do that without turning into something less human.”
I couldn’t deny it. Growl had been cruel. He was a murderer. He’d done too many horrible things to count. There was no way I could explain any of this to Mother, because I couldn’t explain it myself.
“I heard the stories,” Mino said. “How Falcone gave you to him as a gift. It was meant as punishment for your family for your father’s betrayal.”
He was watching me through the rearview mirror, a curious expression on his sun-weathered face. I didn’t react to his words. It wasn’t meant as a question.
Mother had paled at the mention of Father but she remained silent.
“What I don’t get is why you are crying over him. Shouldn’t you be relieved to be rid of him? He was a monster,” Mino continued.
I raised my fingers to my cheeks, feeling the wetness. “He was,” I agreed.
I wasn’t delusional. I’d witnessed Growl’s darkness, his irredeemable side, several times, and yet I’d come to love him. Maybe because I knew of the other Growl, the person he kept hidden beneath many layers of brutality. That tender and vulnerable side, that caring and loving side. That had won me over. I knew the man in front of me wouldn’t believe me if I told him about that Growl. And it was probably for the best. Growl had always done his best to keep that side of him hidden, to protect himself. I wouldn’t destroy the image he’d worked so hard on, even if I hated the image he’d created for himself. But now that he was gone, it was too late anyway.
My heart clenched into a tight fist.
“Maybe you should see someone, a shrink. I heard about this shit. Stockholm Syndrome.”
Anger surged through me. I hated that he wanted to put a label like that on my feelings. Mother touched my arm and I could tell that she agreed with him.
Perhaps they were right. I didn’t know. Didn’t know if my feelings for Growl would have survived in freedom, I’d never get the chance to find out.
* * *
We drove for two days and only stopped for toilet breaks. Talia didn’t speak at all the first day. On the second, she finally told us that she was okay. That she hadn’t been hurt. That the wife of her guard had taken care of her as well as she could.
I was so relieved, even though another hurdle lay still ahead of us. Convincing the head of the New York Famiglia to help us and take us in. Mother had called him from an old pay phone at a rest stop and told him, we’d be coming. He hadn’t made any promises.
He probably thought we were spies.
It was hard to be scared of the future. I felt numb. Too much had happened. The man I loved was dead. He’d died for me. I wasn’t exactly sure what I believed, only that there had to be something after this life. I hoped Growl’s acts of kindness would be seen as a step to redemption and grant him access to a better place in the afterlife. He’d suffered so much while he was alive, and even though some of it was his own fault, I wanted happiness for him now that he was dead.
We entered New York in the afternoon.
“What happens if they don’t allow us to stay?” Talia whispered.
“Either they think we’re spies and kill us, or they’ll send us away and Falcone’s men will kill us,” Mino said tightly. I could have hit him for that statement, even though it was probably true.
Coco yowled behind me. I turned around and scratched her behind the ear. She tilted her head to give me better access. Bandit wedged his head under my arm, begging for attention as well. I started tickling him beneath his chin the way he loved it and he closed his eyes in obvious enjoyment. These powerful animals that had scared me so horribly in the beginning had somehow sneaked their way into my heart. Just as their master had. Both shared a frightful exterior and the potential for destruction but beneath that, there was something tender and vulnerable, something that made you want to take care of them and love them.
Now Coco and Bandit were all that was left of Growl. I’d take care of them for as long as I could, would try to protect them from harm. I owed it to Growl. My eyes began burning as they had so often in the last two days but I blinked the tears away. I couldn’t cry anymore. It seemed to drain me of all my energy and I needed it for the meeting with the New York Famiglia.
Only a couple of months ago my life had been in shambles, or so it had seemed. I’d thought I wouldn’t survive, but I’d been stronger than I’d thought possible. I was strong. If anything, my time with Growl had taught me that. I’d figure out a way to convince Luca that we weren’t the enemy.
The car finally came to a stop in an industrial area that gave me little reason for hope. It was a place where you took someone you wanted out of the way. My eyes flitted to Mino. “Where are we?” I asked, my voice hoarse but firm.