She glanced beyond Ben toward the stairs, listening to make sure she didn’t hear the children.
“Do you want to go check to see if their doors are still closed?” he whispered.
Loving that he understood her feelings, she nodded. She stood and tiptoed halfway up the stairs until she could see that Charlie and Lily's doors were shut. Descending, she moved straight to the sofa and sat. “Thanks for that.”
“It’s all good, Violet. What you’re telling me takes a good deal of strength and focus. I want to make it as easy on you as possible, and that includes making sure Charlie and Lily are protected.”
Her eyes closed slowly as his words settled deep inside, filling a place that had been dug out and empty ever since Matt had died. Sucking in a ragged breath, she refocused on the feel of Ben’s fingers gently massaging her shoulder, bringing her back to the here and now where her emotions were safe. Opening her eyes, she continued.
“Matt didn’t come home one evening, and I was worried. It was much later than he’d ever been out. The kids had already been put to bed, and I sat for several hours just waiting on him. He didn’t answer his phone or texts. I tried calling a couple of his coworkers that were buddies, but while they admitted he’d been out having drinks with them, he’d already left. And then there was the knock on the door.”
She took another sip of wine, hoping not to slosh it over the rim considering her fingers were shaking. “I knew before I opened the door that it was the police. And yet when I saw them, it was all I could do to lock my knees in place so that I didn’t drop to the floor. They told me Matt had been killed in a car accident.”
“Violet, I’m so sorry.”
She’d heard those words so often over the years, and her response was always to smile politely and thank the other person. But this time, with Ben, she wanted to push on with her story. She wanted to tell him what very few people knew other than her parents, Matt’s parents, and a few close friends.
“He wasn’t alone in the car.”
Ben’s eyes widened as understanding appeared to dawn, and his mouth dropped open. “Fuckin’ hell.”
14
“Fuckin’ hell.” The words erupted from deep inside, slipping past his lips before he had a chance to hold them back.
She shook her head slowly. “Yep. That’s what I say, too.”
“How did you find out?” He winced at his question, but she seemed to want to talk, and he wanted to give her that chance.
“It was at the visitation after the funeral. I overheard his friends talking.”
Air rushed from his lungs, and now it was his time to shake his head in disbelief. At first, his fingers had halted at the shock of her words, but he continued to move his hand over her shoulder, hoping to warm her cool skin and ease the tension he felt underneath his fingertips.
“We had it at Matt’s parents’ house because I just didn’t think I could handle having a lot of people in our house. Many guests had already left, and my parents were sitting with his parents in the living room while Charlie and Lily were taking a nap in an upstairs bedroom. I walked into the kitchen to get a drink of water and saw a group of Matt’s friends just outside the kitchen window on the back deck. They had no idea the window was open.”
She finished the last of her wine and placed the glass onto the coffee table. When she settled back onto the sofa, she was closer, her bent knee resting on his thigh.
“A friend of ours who’d taken a job out of town had come back for the funeral. He was standing out with the others, and they were catching him up on what had happened. From their account, Matt had been having an affair with a woman in the office for a couple of years. Supposedly, he was going to ask for a divorce, and then I got pregnant with Charlie and he told the other woman that while he wanted to be with her, he didn’t want to be the kind of man who walked out on his pregnant wife.” Violet snorted, then slapped her hand over her nose and mouth.
“That probably sounded ridiculous. It’s just… I stood at the kitchen window and listened to these men talk about how great Matt was to not leave his pregnant wife when he was having an affair during that time.”
“I’m sorry. I swear, Violet, I wish I could think of something else to say, but I’m speechless. I know people have affairs. I know people get divorced. But, Jesus, I’m just reeling from hearing what you had to go through.”
He felt her shoulder lift in a small shrug but knew she was not unaffected by the events she was relating. He hoped she could feel his care through his touch.
“They continued to talk, so I pretty much got the whole story standing at the kitchen sink. The woman he was involved with was angry, but he supposedly continued to promise that he’d leave me. From my perspective, after Charlie was born, he was so in love with his son and very attentive to me. But looking back with this new information, his evenings out continued, so I guess his wife and family weren’t enough to hold his full interest. Anyway, that evening, they’d been out drinking with these friends and had left. He was going to drop her off at her home, do whatever they did when they had a little bit of time, and then come home. But they never made it. No one else was involved in the accident. He simply took a curve too fast and slammed into a wall. I had already been told that his blood-alcohol level was above the legal limit, and, it seems, so was hers. They were both killed, so he not only took his life in the accident but hers as well.”
In his mind he could see Violet standing at the kitchen window, her fingers tightly gripping the edge of the sink as she stared out at this group of men discussing her deceased husband. While he could imagine the scene, he couldn’t imagine the pain she must have felt that day. Now, he understood why there were no pictures of her and Matt around the house, knowing that he’d been having an affair and had talked of leaving her and the kids. Thinking of the pictures of Matt and the kids that were placed in Charlie and Lily’s rooms, he realized once again what a wonderful mother she was. Not willing to taint their memories and idea of their father, she wanted them to remember that he’d cared for them.
“What happened after you heard them talking?”
The corners of her lips turned down. “One of them turned around and saw me standing there and cursed. The others jerked around to see what he was looking at and saw me. No one moved. They stood and stared at me, and I stood and stared at them. Finally, the friend that had not known any of this came inside while the others left through the garden gate. He held me for a moment and swore he didn’t know about what Matt had been doing. He left after a few minutes, and I walked into the living room. I’m embarrassed to say that I burst into tears and began babbling about what I heard. My parents were so upset, and then I realized Matt’s parents hadn’t said anything. I could tell by their expressions they knew.”
“Dammit, Violet. Just when I think your story couldn’t get worse, it does.”
“I think his dad had seen Matt and this other woman out one time. Matt had assured his parents that it was over, but when she was killed in the car crash, they knew.” She shrugged again and added, “I rarely see them now. I would never keep the children away from them, but they moved to Florida to be closer to their daughter. They send cards, and I know they love Lily and Charlie. I think they just don’t know how to act. And that's fine with me. I know it’s not their fault, but it was so painful to be in their presence as a big reminder of his infidelity.”